Would you tell her?

[sarnieken]

My question is this.

If you knew that your girlfriend (who is pregnant with your child) had lied about a previous relationship with someone who she still had regular contact with, would you say anything?

Also, the previous relationship was an affair and was only ended because he wouldn't leave his girlfriend.

I know that if I say anything then it will probably destroy us and I wouldn't do that to my child. I strongly believe that both parents should be around.

Thanks in advance.

[DJerba]

If you cant be honest with someone, can you be in a relationship with someone?

[Reverandfunk]

Exactly what has been said?

[4getmenot]

Is it causing trouble at present?

[sarnieken]

Blimey that was fast!!!

Here is another 'aspect' to it. If I tell her that I know about the relationship then it may really hurt her family as it was her brother that told me and she will know it was him.

I'm scared about what will happen to my child too.

[Pippa68]

I wouldn't say anything.

How is your relationship with your girlfriend? if things are running smoothly I would put this down in the past and leave it there. She has probably lied to you to spare your feelings, and maybe knows that to tell the truth would rock the boat too much.

Unless she has done something else to raise trust issues within your relationship, let it lie. Enjoy the exciting time that lies ahead :o)

[redcrx]

i agree with Pippa, if its in the past and you are about to start a new journey in your future then leave it be.

Enjoy parenthood together

[sarnieken]

in reply to 4getmenot.


It is at the moment. Something similar happened to me a few years back and it nearly killed me then.

Also, we are currently 'recovering' from the revelation that she slept with someone from the same place while we were dating.

to be honest, if I was reading this as an outsider, I would probably strongly encourage me to leave her.

go figure! :-)

[Reverandfunk]

So what is the full story?

[DJerba]

does it bug you that you know and she doesn't know that you know?

if so you should tell her you know if not then leave it unless it comes up.

personally I'd have a conversation with her.l Maybe she wants to tell you about it but doesn't want to/know how to incase you do what you're thinking she might do if you bring it up.

Lifes too short to be sitting on secrets and if you're about to have a baby together...be honest with her.

Does it not worry you that shes cheated on someone before? Are you sure she wont do it to you as well?

Final Thought: Be careful, be strong take care of yourself and each other ;o )

[4getmenot]

Jyust because you were treated badly in past doesnt mean to will be this time. If you being paranoid is what is causing trouble at the moment you need to get the past out your head, hers and yours. I agree with pippa. why would you encorage someone to leave if they are ok and have a baby to look forward too. Think of the future not the past. xx

[sarnieken]

to reverandfunk

I asked her to her face if she had 'been' with this guy but said that I didn't mind as it was in the past and she denied it completely.

the trouble is that this guy keeps texting, ringing and being a general pain in the a*se. Whenever I comment on it, she just tells me that she can't control who rings and texts her.

I just dont know what to believe.

I would love to just put it behind me and look forward to our child.
I am the last of 4 kids in my family and this will be number 10 grandchild for my mum. Everyone is really happy and saying my gilfriend's praises after the trouble I had in the past but they haven't a clue at all about what is going on.

[Pippa68]

From what I can tell from your last reply one of the things happened before you were together and really has nothing to do with you.

The other thing happened while you were dating. OK, it isn't good..but if it was in the early part of your relationship maybe it was just a stupid mistake on her part?

As you say, you are having a child together. Unless anything major has happened to do with trust while you were in a serious relationship together I would move on from these things and build a family. Relationships are complex, and when there is a child involved there is more to think about.

[4getmenot]

Then maybe you should sit down with her and ask that she keeps contact with him to a friendly hello every now and then

[sarnieken]

ok, full story, short version.....

I met my g/f through her brother where we all work.
got on v well with her and moved in together a few months ago.

Discovered she had s*x with a guy AT WORK after we started dating. Blew my stack but agreed to start again.

have since found out from her brother that, before we went out, she had an affair with another guy from the same place who already had a g/f and a kid.

shortly after it was announced that she was pregnant and suddenly this guy is texting and ringing all the time.

Asked her if there was anything going on as the same thing had happened before. she denied it.

[Reverandfunk]

I'm sorry but she can control it, is she replying back?

To be honest if it was me I would be worried about her having the standards to have an affair with someone who was "attached".

She has already cheated on you once so could do it again.

I don't know if its what you want to hear but I couldn't be in a relationship where there was no trust, it would always be gnawing away at the back of my head and will drive you insane.

[4getmenot]

so are you saying that you want to ask her if the baby is yours?

[Reverandfunk]

Just read your last post.

She announces she's pregnant and this guy is texting and ringing? You know what I'm thinkinhg.

[4getmenot]

there is alot of 'I discovered' 'he told me' 'i heard' in your thread. Speak to her.

[Pippa68]

So how long have you actually been together..a matter of months?

[sarnieken]

At first I thought it might not be but I'm not sure I want to know now.

I have asked her to tell him to stop texting but she just gets upset and tries to ignore the issue.

I know it was in the past. I know that previous relationships are nothing to do with me but, from experience, they have a bad habit of becoming current.

I really, really want to move on from this and look forward to raising our child together. I just don't know if I should tell her that I know about it. If she doesn't find out that I know she lied, will it not give her license to lie to me about everything else?