ChatterBank4 mins ago
lapdancing clubs
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My partner is going on a stag weekend to Bournemouth. I On both nights he is going to lapdancing clubs. This doesn't sit well with me and I think most of those clubs are totally naked now. I can't help not liking the thought of him sitting there while naked girls gyrate around him. I have told him I am not happy about it but he says that as he wants to go he will, regardless of my feelings.
Are the women right with me on this one?
Are the women right with me on this one?
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Im with you liquidspace. I wouldnt want by other half getting pleasure from another women, touching or not touching.
I think its degrading to us as partners. If a bloke is happy in a relationship and is getting everything they need from their partner I cannot see the need to for them to look at other women half naked.
I personally have no interest in male strippers and if the oppotunity arose to visit such a place I would say no and im sure you would say the same. I think this is the major problem between men and women, women are content with what they have got but men always want more than they have got.
Sit down and talk to you bloke about this, explain to him how you feel and try to get him to be in your shoes. He might be alittle more understanding and try to reassure you about the evenings planned events.
You cant and shouldnt stop him going but you can understand each other and try to make it as painless as possible.
Good luck
I think its degrading to us as partners. If a bloke is happy in a relationship and is getting everything they need from their partner I cannot see the need to for them to look at other women half naked.
I personally have no interest in male strippers and if the oppotunity arose to visit such a place I would say no and im sure you would say the same. I think this is the major problem between men and women, women are content with what they have got but men always want more than they have got.
Sit down and talk to you bloke about this, explain to him how you feel and try to get him to be in your shoes. He might be alittle more understanding and try to reassure you about the evenings planned events.
You cant and shouldnt stop him going but you can understand each other and try to make it as painless as possible.
Good luck
It sounds like you have more serious issues to deal with than him going to see some lapdancers. Whether we women like it or not, men are easily turned on by what they see than women, that doesn't make them cheats or pervs though, they're just luckier than we are! It's just as well for men that we are more turned on by personality, humour and kind gestures as few of them are worth looking at in 'that' way anyway, lol!
If I were in your situation he would be the last person to know I objected to his going. Not being disrespectful to men but it's like when you were a kid and someone told you you couldn't do something, you wanted to do it all the more and would then sneak about to achieve your goal.
As many have already said, tell him you've had a word with your girlfriends and you've had a change of heart, they've convinced you that strippers are hot and you can't wait to see your fair share of fabulously toned, tanned, XXX-large bodies too, woohoo! Men are a lot more paranoid about their body image than we realise, you won't change his mind about his stag night, and nor should you, but you may plant the same seeds of insecurity you have about saving those thoughts for when you most need them, lol!
If I were in your situation he would be the last person to know I objected to his going. Not being disrespectful to men but it's like when you were a kid and someone told you you couldn't do something, you wanted to do it all the more and would then sneak about to achieve your goal.
As many have already said, tell him you've had a word with your girlfriends and you've had a change of heart, they've convinced you that strippers are hot and you can't wait to see your fair share of fabulously toned, tanned, XXX-large bodies too, woohoo! Men are a lot more paranoid about their body image than we realise, you won't change his mind about his stag night, and nor should you, but you may plant the same seeds of insecurity you have about saving those thoughts for when you most need them, lol!
I really appreciate your answers.
cazz - me going and doing a similar thing wouldnt work because he would positively encourage it , mainly because it would mean that he could do it again. He really doesn't care what I do.
4GS - your wife is a lucky woman, hope she knows it.
Sasha - you are right. I can see there is no point in me making a big deal (which I kind of have already). I know he will have fantasies about things in his head regardless of whether I "let" him as you say, I am powerless really. I guess I have to accept that people will do what they want to do. Also you are right about a lot of men doing that kind of thing and lying about it, at least he is honest.
Theland - that is what I don't like. Yes by going there it proves that he is unfulfilled with me.
The bottom line is that he doesn't want sex with me as he prefers his hand and I am struggling to deal with it.
cazz - me going and doing a similar thing wouldnt work because he would positively encourage it , mainly because it would mean that he could do it again. He really doesn't care what I do.
4GS - your wife is a lucky woman, hope she knows it.
Sasha - you are right. I can see there is no point in me making a big deal (which I kind of have already). I know he will have fantasies about things in his head regardless of whether I "let" him as you say, I am powerless really. I guess I have to accept that people will do what they want to do. Also you are right about a lot of men doing that kind of thing and lying about it, at least he is honest.
Theland - that is what I don't like. Yes by going there it proves that he is unfulfilled with me.
The bottom line is that he doesn't want sex with me as he prefers his hand and I am struggling to deal with it.
It's about trust,
I know that Mrs 4GS would be uncomfortable with me going to a lapdancing club, so I wouldn't go. I wouldn't want to lose her trust.
BTW, when a man goes to a strip/lapdancing club, nine times out of ten he'll just sit there and not make eye contact, or attempt to touch the girl, he'll sit there looking all shy and embarrased, however, when women go to see a male stripper they go nuts, why is that?
I know that Mrs 4GS would be uncomfortable with me going to a lapdancing club, so I wouldn't go. I wouldn't want to lose her trust.
BTW, when a man goes to a strip/lapdancing club, nine times out of ten he'll just sit there and not make eye contact, or attempt to touch the girl, he'll sit there looking all shy and embarrased, however, when women go to see a male stripper they go nuts, why is that?
I see what you are saying but I just wouldnt want to go to see male strippers to get back at my husband!! I have had offers to go to ladies nights in the past and just say no thanks!!
Some men seem to worry about saying no as they will look stupid in front of their mates.
Why not do a private lap dance for him at home instead!!
Some men seem to worry about saying no as they will look stupid in front of their mates.
Why not do a private lap dance for him at home instead!!
Liquid the more posts I read from you here, the more this story begins to flesh out. It seems you are unhappy with your relationship in general. You say he prefers his hand to you.....have you spoken to him about this and explained how his lack of attention his making you feel?
The lapdancing club issue is obviously a symptom of a bigger problem in the relationship, that is that you think he is going off you and can't wait to see other women naked.
How long have you been together for? Has the relationship just reached a lull? Could you try to talk to him about all this? It might be that he is just doing a typical "comfortable bloke" thing and thinks that you're happy for him to stop giving you attention. Clearly if this is the case you need to explain to him that it's not ok.
If he still persists in this behaviour after you've pinned your heart to your sleeve then i would think very carefully about how much longer you spend with this man.
The lapdancing club issue is obviously a symptom of a bigger problem in the relationship, that is that you think he is going off you and can't wait to see other women naked.
How long have you been together for? Has the relationship just reached a lull? Could you try to talk to him about all this? It might be that he is just doing a typical "comfortable bloke" thing and thinks that you're happy for him to stop giving you attention. Clearly if this is the case you need to explain to him that it's not ok.
If he still persists in this behaviour after you've pinned your heart to your sleeve then i would think very carefully about how much longer you spend with this man.
NO!!
Why would you want to give him an ultimatum??
That's not the way forward. If you trust him (and there must be trust in the relationship for him to have told you about it) then I honestly don't see the issue.
The strippers are professionals - they have done this a thousand times before and will not let him get his hands anywhere near him. Yes, he may think about her but...
I'd be far more comfortable with my bloke going to a strip club than going to one of the nightclubs around here where there are any number of women who would just love to get their hands on him and take him home for the night. And he could just as easily be thinking about her later...
The difference is, yes he may think about the strippers but he'll think about lots of women - like I said, men are visual and it means NOTHING. In a strip club, although he may get a bit og t*tillation, he'll get nothing else. Not many places he could go where you can guarantee that.
Why would you want to give him an ultimatum??
That's not the way forward. If you trust him (and there must be trust in the relationship for him to have told you about it) then I honestly don't see the issue.
The strippers are professionals - they have done this a thousand times before and will not let him get his hands anywhere near him. Yes, he may think about her but...
I'd be far more comfortable with my bloke going to a strip club than going to one of the nightclubs around here where there are any number of women who would just love to get their hands on him and take him home for the night. And he could just as easily be thinking about her later...
The difference is, yes he may think about the strippers but he'll think about lots of women - like I said, men are visual and it means NOTHING. In a strip club, although he may get a bit og t*tillation, he'll get nothing else. Not many places he could go where you can guarantee that.
4GS, I think it's because mens bodies are quite funny and we don't have any tell tale signs that we have to be worried about our mates noticing should we get a bit carried away, lol!
Plus, male strippers go out of their way to make women laugh and scream, there's nothing that seductive or saucy about the acts, whereas female strippers acts are quite different and more serious?
What do I know, it's been years since I went to a ladies night, the only thing that drove me mad was the shrieks and vulgar behaviour of a few depraved women who really should get out more, or perhaps get a few more early nights, lol!
Plus, male strippers go out of their way to make women laugh and scream, there's nothing that seductive or saucy about the acts, whereas female strippers acts are quite different and more serious?
What do I know, it's been years since I went to a ladies night, the only thing that drove me mad was the shrieks and vulgar behaviour of a few depraved women who really should get out more, or perhaps get a few more early nights, lol!
Well you have guessed it, yes there is trouble in the relationship. We have been together for 5 years and it is v complicated. I like his company but he has taken tens of thousands of pounds from me (gambling). I can't leave him at the moment because he is planning to pay me back and yes I believe he will. I cant afford to live alone at the moment. There is a lack of trust in the relationship because of many things really. Our relationship is deteriorating and this is just the latest thing.
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