Is my husband having an affair?

[joannewatson]

A few months ago I noticed a text message from a girl who I have never heard of on my husbands phone. I trust my husband and did not read it and never mentioned it to him. At around the same time he ordered another sim card, I queried this with him and he said it was because it was free and that he was going to send it back, I later saw a bill for this phone.

Anyway, we were out the other day and I asked to borrow his phone and went to use it, he immediately came after me and said don't be long as I don't have much credit (he seemed a bit agitated). As I was handing it back a text message popped up from this same girl which said 'r u ok babes?'. I pretended I didn't notice it and I think he wasn't sure if I had seen it but he was then overly nice to me and was saying how much he loved me and had tears in his eyes. A little later I could not get this out of my mind and was funny with him and we ended up falling out. Once home I asked him who this girl was and he initially pretended he did not know what I was talking about and denied knowing this girl and made out I must have mis-read the text and it was a from a male workmate. After much more probing he admitted it was a girl from work he is friends with and that he thought I would go mad. I accepted this but the way he has reacted was very suspicious. Then, last night when I went on the internet I went to log onto my e-mail and found the login was in my husbands name so he has set up a e-mail account without mentioning it to me. He is not great on the computer and would not know this would show, he also has no reason to have an e-mail account.

We have been together 13 years and always had a close & good relationship. However, it has been very difficult between us since I told him I was pregnant with our one year old, although he already has a 14 year old son from a previous relationship.

What should I do???

[joannewatson]

Thanks everyone, especially andy, andrea and leelapops, and tetjam your answer made me laugh but I dont think thats an option!! It makes me feel a little better to see all the support on here. I think I have been burying my head in the sand now I can see it written down in black and white and all the comments it seems very obvious. I love my husband and I think he loves me so it may be possible we might be able to work through this, but I'm not sure how I would feel once I have confirmation from him. Its been quite hard since I got pregnant and I did suffer from post natal depression and my husband has not handled any of this very well.

I cant check his e-mail as I do not know the password (yes, I've tried everything!!) and he keeps his phone in his pocket all the time and NEVER leaves it laying around (he has always done this though). I don't know anyone he works with so thats not an option either, also he does have lots of spare time to have an affair as he works shifts and I work full time. I may have to confront him again, but I'm sure he will deny it.

[weeal]

Good luck to you joanne, in whatever choice you make, I dont envy you, just take care xx

[Dolly1308]

Hi Joanne ,sorry to hear of your situation but has it struck you he has done this sort of thing before ? I am assuming he was married once before (You say he already has a 14yr-old child -and you've been together 13 years ) looks to me like he left his previous partner after she had had a baby to him .Leopards don't change their spots ! Just come home early from work when you know he is supposed to be there -unexpectedly of course and ask to see his mobile phone if he is on his own . I feel really sorry for you but don't let him get away with it . Best wishes .

[scoob101]

I m sorry to tell you but your fella is having an affair with this woman, dont be a fool an go off on one, r u giving him enough attention and love and everything else??? Very few men look elsewhere if they r getting all their needs fulfilled at home, so my advice is before you ring the divorce lawyers speak to him because he probably still adores you and this woman is just giving him what he needs and he will drop her like a hot stone when you show you want and need him...................

[jno]

real-life experience suggests scoob is talking nonsense, unfortunately. A remarkable number of men roam whether they're 'satisfied' at home or not.

[Ice.Maiden]

Awww...I can't agree with that jno. I'd say that SOME men might, but not a remarkable number. If a guy feels loved, and has a happy and attentive wife to come home to - most are happy with that. The trouble is, men can feel rejected if their wives get too tired to be bothered any more. What's needed is good communication and understanding on both sides.

[Dr-Legend]

Ask him.
novel idea innit?
but just confront him with your suspicions

[Ice.Maiden]

Or, put the jitters into this woman. Contact her, tell her you're the wife and that you know all about her. Say it's becoming tiresome, as your husband's ALWAYS been like this - and has another one on the go as well!!!

[cocopops]

Hi Joanne
Im sorry too, but I believe that there is something serioulsy rong with your relationship and I feel that deep down you know it but are in denial. Confront him full on and ask him to explain whats going on? you have a young child so that must also add to your stress, Im sure you love him and dont want to lose him, but if he is cheating you have a right to know so you can decide what you want or need to do.

ve been there myself and put the barstard out! but you may react differently!

good luck

[gleaveyweave]

My husband was perfectly satisfied at home Scoob, in every way - something which he has even said himself since. Some men just can't be faithful, they want to have their cake and eat it and there is absolutely nothing the wife can do to stop it. My personal opinion, from bitter experience - bloody swines!
Good luck again Joanne x

[miss-tery]

Girl, it sounds like he's definitely having an affair. Now what you need is to find out exactly what's going on so you can decide how to proceed and eventually move on.

Can you arrange to meet this other girl? With or without him.