If you saw a friends husband with another woman.....

[crystalbee27]

and it looked more romantic date than business lunch would you tell her?

[joggerjayne]

I think the worst possible scenario would be when your pal finds out her OH was seeing another woman, and discovers that you knew about it months ago and didn't say anything.

[anneasquith]

no.

[Eve]

I'm so glad you mentioned my post Lottie, just re-read and should stress that when I said my ex met his wife I meant his ex-wife! They had split a while before I even met him.

[LoftyLottie]

I would completely understand if I found out my husband had been cheating and then found out that a close friend had known for a while. I would respect him/her for keeping silent about it. My closest friend and I discuss absolutely everything, but if she told me something about my husband that I didn't know somehow I would feel inhibited and embarrassed.

I can think and say what I like about my husband to who I like, but even if they are right I don't want my friends to agree with me - just listen and sympathise. It retains dignity, which, in my opinion, is lost when you realise that a friend knows something about your other half that you don't.

[LoftyLottie]

Jenna. I realised what you meant. :o)

[crystalbee27]

Those are really wise words lottie. My husband is anything but perfect but once a friend described him as 'thinking he was gods gift to woman' and I was offended and embarrassed and it spoilt our friendship . Crystalbee is keeping quiet, not even a buzz. Thanks to everyone for the advice x

[LoftyLottie]

Thanks crystalbee. I think you are wise to keep quiet.

[Davethedog]

I'm with JTH keep your powder dry (either). Nothing good come come of telling, nothing good for your friend, her husband or you.

If its innocent you will be at fault if its not and you tell your friend she will never forgive you. It will be your fault for bringing the misery to the door.

Don't tell and don't discuss with other friends.

[LoftyLottie]

Unfortunately, those that would tell would probably discuss it with others as well, as Dave says.

[LoftyLottie]

Sorry, Dave didn't say that, but he implied it ;o(

[Davethedog]

Lottie you are correct found this from a song but I think it pertinent:

Take that look off your face.
I can see through your smile.
You would love to be right.
I bet you didn't sleep good last night,
Couldn't wait to bring all of that bad news to my door.

[joggerjayne]

I don't agree, Lofty.

I would tell a pal, but I would never, ever, ever tell anyone else.

My rule is simple - one hundred percent loyalty to your friend, and NO ONE else.

By the same principle, if a friend told me she was having an affair, no one else would EVER hear it from me.

There are no grey areas. You tell your friend EVERYTHING, and you tell everyone else NOTHING.

No blurry edges.

No gossiping.

No nothing.

Just complete and unquestioning loyalty.

Having said which, your "don't tell" argument is just as valid.

[LoftyLottie]

Agreed!

[jno]

JJ, I think the blurry edge is who is a friend and who isn't. It's not like there's a dividing line, more like shades of grey - some are closer than others. That (for me) is why it's probably better to stick to one principle of action for all.

[LoftyLottie]

Hi Jayne. I like you would never tell anybody a friend told me in confidence. I don't even tell Mr LL. Mind you he doesn't do gossip of any kind - boring!!

I am glad you are not a gossip.

I only have one really, really close friend. (The others are friends but not confidantes) She moved to Spain, but we chat on the phone all the time. She is coming back!!

[joggerjayne]

That's a fair point, jno.

[LoftyLottie]

Oh, and I wouldn't tell her if I saw her husband with anybody. Not that I would - he is in Spain too!!!

[joggerjayne]

Lofty ... It's important to have a friend, or a few friends, like that.

[woofgang]

But i have a different take on this...innocent until PROVEN guilty. My initial assumption would be that it was an innocent lunch and therefore I would not have any problem mentioning it to my friend. if I thought it was to do with his/her job and I was in my usual scruffy gear then I might not go over and say hi. if it did turn out to be clandestine well then it would be up to my friend to decide what to do. I wouldn't be rushing to her (or him) with the attitude of "oh you will never guess what your OH is up to" just that in passing I had seen him/her.
What I would never ever do is discuss it with another friend.

[LoftyLottie]

It is Jayne. But I spend too much time on the telephone to Spain these days. I miss her so much :o(