I still love my ex-wife

[ConfusedMartian]

Have been divorced for a number of years now and have recently been assessing my life and what i have and haven't done. I have in the process done a lot of self reflection and coming to terms with who i actually am. From this i have come to realise that i am still in fact rather deeply in love with my ex wife. I should point out that i was not the best of husbands at the time and left her hurt and confused at the end of it. We have a child together so see her regularly and although i would want nothing more than to be a proper family together, i wouldn't want her to feel obligated for the "sake of the child". What i am asking is how could i approach this subject with her or find out how she may still feel about me whilst being respectful of the fact i have been a **** to her in the past.

[mrsmaveric]

you asked for opinions...i gave you mine...its obvious you cant take critisism if you cant take an honest answer in relation to your question then the simple answer is...dont ask for anyones opinion...its quite clear you cant take any sort of female opinion..im not a push over like you appear to like your women to be...you asked for an opinion and i gave you mine...if you dont like what you read then its tough...

[ConfusedMartian]

mrsmaveric, what you gave was a judgement, not an opinion.

you obviously have some issues of your own to deal with.

[rozia]

Hey love, i would mention to her that you feel this way, whether she feels the same way, you won't know until you tell her how you feel. Life is too short, embrace what you do have. Also if you did get back together, a bit fresh dating won't go amiss, and this will bring you closer, ask her on a date as a first step? good luck and i do hope this will work out for you...keep us informed.

[ConfusedMartian]

thank you rozia, i just don't know how to tell her how i feel, that the bit i am struggling with. we are starting to do more a family and am trying to gauge the best way to progress that to "how do you fancy doing something just the two of us?" will definately keep you updated. although it may become a long story :D

[ummmm]

MrsMaverick - with all due respect his question wasn't about our opinions on anything he'd done wrong in the past (which he hasn't divulged anyway) He wants to know the best way to find out how she might feel.

I don't blame him getting irritated. This is not judgementbank!

[rozia]

hey, it takes time, good luck (or break a leg lol) xx

[Nibble]

I'd leave it as it stands at the moment, there may be a possibility of what you wish for, but and I have to emphasise this, that at the moment (to me), you'll have to accept that your ex may not have the inclination to revisit her past with you. But equally, I think that you MAY be able to discuss where you're coming from with her re your feelings/ideas, but you'll have to couch this in a non-invasive manner, which she could persive as being pushy.

[ConfusedMartian]

agreed nibble, that is exactly what i am wanting to avoid, i don't want to come across as pushy or invasive. this is the dilemma that i am seeking inspiration for on here. thank you for your input.

[nailit]

mrsmaveric reminds me of my of one of my sisters. A very bitter individual since her husband left her 18 years ago. She still goes on about it now. Sad.

[mrsmaveric]

nailit and confusedmartian,i am not bitter or sad,i think you 2 ought to look in the mirror i am not the 1 still ''in love with my ex'' thats what i call sad...move on you sad individual...ive never had my husband leave me because we are happy...ummm i wonder why he hasnt divulged into his past behaviour?? he has told us about everything else that goes on in his sad head so i wonder why he does not elaborate on his behaviour towards his ex wife...i respect that is a private matter...if he doesnt like anyone having an opinion then he should not ask he asked how he should approach his ex wife...i gave my opinion and he turned nasty towards me...and that is just for voicing my opinion on here..god knows what he does in a face to face confrontation with a woman..but maybe we should leave that to the imagination..

[nailit]

mrsmaveric IS my sister...

[mrsmaveric]

nailit i can well assure you there is only 1 me...and im sure stokemaveric is glad of that lol

[craft1948]

I'm going to bed................

[ConfusedMartian]

mrsmaveric, i have not divulged what happened between my ex-wife and i, merely because it is irrelevant to the question that i have asked. i do not like your insinuations that i am aggressive or demeaning to woman, i am not sure where you obtained this thought process. i have been nothing but civil towards you, asking kindly for you not to post on my question if you just going to hurl abuse and slander.

perhaps when you can think of something constructive we can have a discussion, as for me being a sad individual, i again do not understand your reasoning of this as a form of insult. if you are referring to the fact that i have suffered from depression for a large portion of my life then i think that it is a sad day that you feel you can attack someone regarding mental health issues on a public forum and think it ok. if on the other hand you mean it in the sense that you feel i should "get a life" i might add thati have a full and eventful life at the moment, and this is just something that i have been thinking about as i have been spending more time with my ex-wife.

so please leave this thread if that how you wish to continue, i have reported that post as i think it highly inappropriate.

[nailit]

Im sure he is mrsmaveric. But I dont understand why you berate (and make assumptions) about the OP when you yourself dont give any details out on a public forum about your own experiences.

[mrsmaveric]

why should i post about my own expierences nailit???..im not the one with issues...and if i was asking for advice i would say what i had done so that i could get a balanced idea of what people thought...and not what i wanted to hear...i hope this person gets a happy outcome to his dilema and if he has suffered depression then i truly feel for him,but to come on here and say that he doesnt like what i said I would in that situation smacks of someone who doesnt want to hear what people really think...so why ask the question in the first place...???

[puddle-duck]

The fact that you have recognized the issues that played a part in the breakdown of your marriage is a positive step forward.

You still remain on friendly terms with your ex, has she given you any indication or clues that she may be feeling the same ?

I think in situations like this the best thing to do is gently tell her how you are feeling. Direct & honest is the best way. Reconciliations happen because one person puts aside their fear & pride & reaches out.

You have to bear in mind that she may not feel the same or may be wary of being hurt again, you have to respect that. She may need time to deal with it too.

If you do get a second chance, don't let her down again.

Good luck I hope it works out well for you.

[FancyDay13]

If you still love her, then you need to tell her that, and that you are a changed man now. Don't just avoid it. What would you do if she got married to someone else? Life is to short to be wasting away about what we should do or what we should've done.