Relationship Dilemma

[Nay37]

I have been with my bf for 11 years we have a 5yr old together (I also have a 16yr old son from a previous rel'ship). I am really fed up because my bf is quite controlling and I can't be myself. Anyway, I met someone else at work in the summer (July/Aug) at 1st we were really good friends but somehow it became more than that and we started sleeping together in Oct. We have slept together a few times and I have really fallen for this guy. He says he feels the same. My question is do I stay with my current controlling bf that makes me miserable or go with the other guy?

[elliemay1]

I would leave the controlling guy but wouldn't commit to the new guy as yet. Give it more time to see how you feel

[Mamyalynne]

I agree with Ellie, get out of your controlling relationship the best you can and find your feet before jumping straight into something else.

[Theland]

As above. Think of the kids.

[TonyV]

give yourself sometime and space before committing again.

[woofgang]

Why can you not be by yourself?

[Nay37]

Thanks guys for your answers.

I have to think of my little one and how this would affect him and I wouldn't want to take him away from my bf.
If my bf did leave I wouldn't be able to afford to stay in my house cos he helps out financially. I had to take a major pay cut when I changed jobs last year.
Wolfgang, I have been in my own when my 1st child was little.

[Apc2604]

Same answer as the others. Leave the controlling boyfriend but not because of the new man. Stay single for the sake of your child who is the most important person in all this. See the new man by all means if you enjoy his company and the sex but don't commit to a serious relationship. Enjoy being single and being in control of your life.

[Apc2604]

Don't use your boyfriend for financial reasons. If it's your house then get a lodger.

[Apc2604]

And make sure your little one also has all the contact he needs with his dad.

[Nay37]

Yeah the new guy and I were friends first and I feel I can tell him anything without being judged or critised (like my bf does). I have spoken to the new guy about my situation and he says I should talk to my bf and tell him how I feel but it's so difficult cos my bf doesn't listen and I know it will end up in a row that won't solve anything. If we are to break up I'd want it to be as amicable as possible for the little one's sake xx

[Prudie]

Has the other guy asked you to leave this relationship and live with him and your two children? How committed is he?

[Cloverjo]

It’s not good to be with a controlling man. (Obviously, Sorry)
How does he control you? Does he stop you seeing friends or doing anything without him?

Don’t go with the other guy yet. Enjoy yourself with him but don’t move in with him.

[Mozz71]

I can't see the dilemma personally. Your relationship with you boyfriend is effectively over. Do the right thing for you both, break up. You're doing no one any favours by continuing cheating like this.

[Nay37]

No the other guy hasn't asked me to leave my rel'ship. He reckons I should talk to my bf about how unhappy I am first. I have asked him where he sees us going. He said that he doesn't know at the mo. He does love me.He said he doesn't want to be a home wrecker. He does have 2 kids of his own from a previous relationship and lives at least an hour and a half away. (He moved back to his home town when he left the company I work at) He said he's happy just to carry as we are for the moment until I speak to my bf.
The way my bf controls me is for example: he stayed late at work for a quiz and I decided to treat my kids to a McDonald's (once in a blue moon). He came home and freaked said I was lazy and irresponsible. Another time he'd been away with little one for a few days and came home and said the house was a *** tip. It really upset me because I had spent the whole day before cleaning and tidying. He criticises me and puts me down.

[Cloverjo]

Try talking to your partner and tell him how much he upsets you. If he loves you he’ll mend his ways. If not, think about leaving but as we said before don’t move in with the other guy yet.

[ladybirder]

Nay37, if I was you, whatever you decide to do, I would make sure you don't get pregnant again as you have enough to contend with, without another child. I mean that in the best way possible, not having a go at you. All the best. xx

[Nay37]

Thanks to you all.
Ladybirder. I definitely won't be getting pregnant xxx

[woofgang]

I really really think you have to make a stable life for you and your child before you consider relationships.