An Affair...help!!!!

[sam100]

A work friend of ours got married a year ago and has been having an affair with someone else we work with for the last 6 months. He originally denied it but has now given up. to start with we all believed him till we found out the truth. We all know his wife and her best friend also works with us but doesnt know as we managed to keep it from her so she is not put in an awkward situation. We all generally think its about time that the wife found out but not sure if we should get involved or how to go about it. HELP!

[4getmenot]

Yer dont get involved, karma will soon work its magic. Stay out of it.

[4getmenot]

I know people will say if she's a friend then you should tell her, but I find I have said things in the past but then they have thought I was lying and it makes things worse. But I guess if you are very close tell her, if not stay away.

[sam100]

Thanks for the advice 4getmenot..i hope your right. This person is still quite young and would not want them to waste their time being lied to. Its a difficult one...!

[dot.hawkes]

I agree stay out of it, it will only back fire on you, let them work it out for themselves.

[noxlumos]

Keep your noses out, or you'll regret it, as the ones who tell always end up in the firing line of both parties. It might be a fling that'll end soon enough anyway, and it might be more serious and lead to him telling her himself, either way it's not your place to, so let it lie and forget you know anything.

[4getmenot]

I know if it was my best friend I would tell them because if they knew something and didn�t tell me I would be upset. But then I know my best friend would believe me and know I was being genuine. But seems they are people you know through work. It just is a shame that people know and are talking behind her back. Just for the sake of them both don�t gossip. :-)

[sam100]

thanks guys...think you may be right! i just hope someone would tell me tho if i was ever in the same situation.

[wilson83]

If you were the wife would you want to be told? I think I would want to know if my husband was cheating on me. But I also agree is it worth the hassle getting yourself involved? In the long run, she may thank you (i doubt he would however). Could you not tell him to tell her if she really means something to him? Or dare I say something along the lines of.."I dont like knowing this is going on behind my friends back, either you tell her or I will?" Sounds harsh but think of the wife. Hope this helps a little bit. Goodluck

[kick3m0n]

I think you should say something to him. He's putting you guys in this position. And you already are involved, as you say yourself, the only reason his wife's best friend doesn't know is cos you've stopped her finding out. Quite honestly, it might be better if the best friend DOES find out, then she (who is closer to wife than you guys and will know her better) would be in a position to decide whether to tell wife or not. I'd tell him that you can't guarantee for much longer that her best friend won't find out, and so you won't cover up for him etc anymore.

[sam100]

Thanks guys...all valid points. wouldnt be so bad if he were not just thinking of himself...at first he told us all different lies as to what was going on, despite that a lot of us have known them for over 10 years.
However, he is the sort of person who in the past has been the main instigator of gossip and always frowns on other people's mistakes!!

[Jennykins]

4getmenot is RIGHT!!! is it necessary for you get involved? will you help your self or anbody else by doing so? most liekly not. stick to why your at work... to work.... and enjoy your days in your own biz.
Good Question tho.. take care Jen x
ps. dothawks is so right.. these things ALWAYS back fire when you think your doing the right thing.
pps. I have also seen many people cheating on there partners at night clubs and places like that and Im not sure how there partner found out, but they did... and it wasnt me who got involved. So dont worry ... bad things like this never get away.

[metagirl]

let the gossip round reach the best friend so she can make the decision to tell the wife. He started cheating 6 months into the marriage? what a creep!

[WendyS]

Doing the dirty on this man and telling his wife is going to be difficult if you have to continue to work with him and I'd be tempted not to get involved. However, I would absolutely hate it if I were the wife and discovered that everybody knew about it except me.
If you all confronted him and told him that his deceipt is making your working environment uncomfortable and intolerable so either he's got to do the decent thing and tell his wife himself or you'll do it for him. Maybe you won't tell her but he's going to have a very uncomfortable time sweating it out wondering whether the bombshell is going to fall or not and maybe this will give him cause for reflection.

[sam100]

Thanks everyone for your wise words!....your right 'Metagirl' he is a creep!