How to break-up

[yellowyellow]

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and have cheated on him more than once. I'm so ashamed of myself, I know that the fact it has been more than once suggests I don't give a sh*t but I do, I feel physically sick with disgust and guilt.

Since the latest time I've decided I have to break up with my boyfriend as I can no longer live with the guilt of what I'm doing. I can't tell him that I'm breaking up with him because I've cheated on him, I really can't. I couldn't bear to break his heart that way. I know I should think of these things before I do it but I haven't and I'm paying the price for it now.

My question is, can anybody advise me on how best to break up with him, other than telling him the truth? I really don't want him feeling like it's something he's done, I have to try and make him realise it's all my fault and he's wonderful but I don't know how.

Please help.

[jackthehat]

Firstly, you don't need to break up with him, you need to forgive yourself.
Then you need to try and look at why you behave like this and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT !!

Don't throw away a good relationship because of your guilt.
You sound deeply troubled and probably ought to seek professional advice about this.

Good Luck.

[laurence2]

What a crock of sh!te.

You showed no remorse when you dropped your knickers to cheat on him.

I hope he finds out and lets the whole world know what a tarty tramp you really are.


Ps, thats if there is any truth in this post, i have my doubts

[4getmenot]

so you'd come up with another lie. You need to tell him, he has a right to know. I fell for someone when I was with my ex and even though nothing happened just the guilt of having feelings for someone else made me break downa nd tell him. If you love him then you need to both sit downa nd talk about it and try work it out but I wouldnt blame him if he left you.

[Sasha13]

I hate to tell you this but you're going to break his heart whatever way you do it.

Using a made up excuse is likely to leave him feeling confused and that can be even worse.

This sounds harsh, but if you tell him the truth then it's possible he's going to hate you for it. That may mean it is easier for him to get over you (he won't be thinking what did I do wrong necessarily).

You don't want to tell him the truth as you know he'll be angry with you - I'm afraid it may be the easiest way.

[monkeyeyes]

Steady on, chaps !

The fact that double standards operate in life can't really be used to to attack yellowyellow.

You have done wrong and are suffering the consequences, yellowyellow. But at least you are wise enough to realise that this is YOUR guilt not your fellas.

I agree with jacthehat. Can you identify WHY it is you cheat ? What are the circumstances ? Are you prepared to make the effort NOT to do it again ?

You obviously care deeply for your fella...........so as a penance, why not make a determined decision to remain faithful from this point on ?

You may find that you are always looking over your shoulder as sometimes these things have a habit of coming back to bite us............but that goes with the territory, I'm afraid.

[laurence2]

monkeyeyes.

How an earth can you say that this tart cares ''deeply'' for him.

Am i missing the point here?

She is/has treated him like sh!te, and will continue to drop her draws at any given time, don't pity her, shes probably laughing at some of you giving her advice.


Its funny how shes not responded don't you think?

[darlingnc]

one word ... sl@g.
just tell him the truth. he would be better off without you!

[4getmenot]

mokeyeyes I said to try work it out but reading back if she really wanted him she would just stay with him and try and forget but she has asked how to finish with him now how to carry on and keep him. I think I'd arther know if I were him because you're right these things do come back and I'd hate to hear it from someone else

[4getmenot]

Isnt it funny how we all think it�s a she because it mentions boyfriend :-)

[monkeyeyes]

Top marks, 4get.............

The other scenario hadn't occured to me, at all !!

But I still stand by my advice. Infidelity does NOT necessarily have to lead to the end of a relationship.



I know..............

[someguy0000]

Tell him the truth.......let him have the opportunity to make up his own mind.If he wants to remain with someone that has little selfesteem,then so be it.
How would you feel if he did that to you??

[laurence2]

Fair point 4get { He/She}


Same outcome tho in my eyes

[4getmenot]

would you rather know?

[darlingnc]

but what if the boyfried has been cheating too? and neither are none the wiser? ya never know...
i think that someone who persists on cheating has some self esteem issues, they have to lap up every bit of attention they get even if they are in a relationship

[4getmenot]

Ilm sure all of us have made mistakes, I know if I was on here ten years ago I;d have everyone gunning for me :-) but I learnt from these, its doesnt seem yellowyellow wants to.

[monkeyeyes]

Personally, I'd be more interested in how my partner really felt about me and how much work he/she was prepared to put into the relationship.

If my partner has issues about things and these are affecting the relationship but he/she has got to the point where they recognised this fact and they make a 'real' committment to address this destructive behaviour, then, depending upon personality types, this is not necessarily an insurmountable problem.

[yellowyellow]

Thanks to you all for your answers.

laurence2, legend007 and darlingnc, what you've said about me is fair. It's true. I don't deserve anything better than the things you've said, I deserve worse, I know that.

jackthehat and monkeyeyes, thanks for your kindness. I would love to beable to carry on the relationship and move on, nothing would make me happier than being able to get over these mistakes and continue the relationship but I don't think I have the right to be happy anymore.

4getmenot, Sasha13 and someguy0000, thanks too for your advice and lack of judgement. I know you're right I should tell him and let him make up his own mind but sadly aswell as being a disgusting wh0re I'm also a coward.

I'll think about what everyone's said and decide where I think I can go from here. Thanks.

[CushtyFred]

You dirty little slapper.

[someguy0000]

Yellowyellow,
i dont believe your a disgusting ***** by any means,we all make mistakes.
It sounds like you need to be with some one else anyway.
Perhaps the guy is 'too nice' for you.Perhaps you need a little more danger in your life.
Although i dont agree with infidelity,your not married and have nt taken that responsibility yet.
Take some time out to 'know' yourself again.Perhaps you need to party for a bit.....all the best :)