I just want to talk

[ftj001]

Its been awhile since I've logged on. I'am a victim of a husband that cheated . This situation has made me so sad. Its almost been 2 years and I'm still drowning in sorrow and tears. I tried therapy but it didn"t help. I've talked to all my friends to death about the situation and I know their tired of hearing it because I'm tried of telling them. No one can help me but me and I just have to figure out a way out of this rut that I'm in.

[Alex.Mahone]

Emotions are good in your situation it is good to talk and cry and scream and let the bad out, but you then need to go to the next stage which is acceptance, if you go over with it in conversation its becomes like a stuck record in your head, you are searching for answers that are not there, you need to close the book and start chapter one of the next one.

[Alex.Mahone]

I have recently had my own heart shattered, i will probably never fully get over it because i invested my whole life in this person and i will never fully understand why it went wrong, i dont have friends that i can call on because i selfishly let them drift away from me, you do however have a strong network of friends, use them in a positive way talk positively to them laugh with them and let them help you get on you feet.

[20SilkCut]

ftj001...you know 2 years is actually not that long to be still grieving over him, considering that you were together for 15, Maybe you have taken the first step of your recovery now by coming here and talking to people. Next step i suggest, (if you feel ready) is some therapy to help you move from your 'stuck' place. Let us know how you get on. :-)

[20SilkCut]

...and what about you Alex...have you been for any therapy? Do you feel it might help a little?

[Alex.Mahone]

I tried it before with another matter and all they asked me was how do i feel constantly, i felt like saying i feel like a sack of s.h.i.t how do you think i feel, im not really a fan as i dont see anything proactive about it, but if others find comfort in it then by all means try it.

[20SilkCut]

Alex....only a thought but you said 'i felt like saying i feel like a sack of ****'.....but you didnt .... it might have helped had you told the therapist exactly that...I know its hard sitting there in front of someone but you gotta say exactly how you feel to them. You will find your way outta this....how long has it been since your relationship break-up (or maybe you dont want to say)?

[Alex.Mahone]

Yeah maybe you are right i should have let it all out but i was too reserved, mine was only a week ago and what makes it worse is i cant get any closure as the person concerned wont communicate with me

[20SilkCut]

Alex...its hard that the person wont communicate with you but they obviously had their reasons for their part in the breakup. Let them have some time to think things through and try your best to carry on with your life, hard as it may be. Be good to yourself, be gentle with yourself and whatever you do, dont blame yourself or let your self-esteem drop too low. Let me know how you get on. I'm usually around in the evenings for a little while.

[pips1]

Hi everyone, I've read all these comments with interest as I, myself, have been through all these feelings. It is 8 years since I was betrayed and I still feel low. I have had all the usual treatments and my ex remarried some time ago. I have been all over the world, have lots of genuine friends, a loving family etc - but it STILL hurts. The worst saying in the world to me is 'move on' - to what? I really don't want anyone else, so looking for a new relationship is not for me, so I am destined to be lonely I guess.

[ftj001]

Pips1, I feel the same as you do. I really don't want anyone else and it frustrates me to know that this hurt will always be there. Maybe not to the same degree but i can honestly see myself looking back on this whole thing and tearing up. Theres a hole in my life and I have to try to stay focused on my children. I posted way back in May and explained the whole story. Sometimes I think maybe its extra hard for me because we were together ever since we were 17. I'm 31 now and I still loved him if not more than I did when I was 17.

[ftj001]

Sometimes communication can be misleading. I noticed when I communicated with my ex without him realizing it he would give me false hope. He invited me to lunch the other day and I knew i shouldn"t have gone and the very next day I started feeling like crap.

[pips1]

You are one of the few people I have found who has the same life and feelings as me. I can identify with everything you say. I was friends with my ex for 10 years before we even went out together, we were part of the same group of friends, then we dated for two years and then got married. We were married for 13 years and had 2 children before he cheated on me. I struggled on but he then asked me if he could come back, I loved him so much I wanted to give him another chance so I took him back and we were together for 5 years before he cheated again, but this time he went for good (not with the same person he left me for the first time) and they are now married. He won't communicate with me at all now and so for the last 8 years I have been alone. I still wake up sometimes and can't believe it happened to us - we were so close and had been friends for so long, it doesn't seem real.

[gucciman]

im sorry but i think you are being weak. we all grieve for a period when a relationship ends but it mustn't overwhelm your whole life forever, after the period of grieving you have to move on and get on with life.
you have to learn to be happy with life on your own first, you don't need anyone else to make you happy, at the end of the day you are the one who is now missing out on life, not him.
immerse yourself in your career, or a hobby, do things that make you feel good and take your mind off things, go out with your friends or family and resist mentioning him all night, tell them your now feeling great, lock all your old photos of him and the two of you away in the attic, hate him rather than miss him if that helps you move on.

rem, life is too short and it flies by at a frightening rate, you need to get back on track and enjoy it.

good luck

[pips1]

Thank you Gucciman, I just KNOW you are right - of course you are, and I have tried, believe me. As I said in an earlier comment, I have travelled extensively, have a good job and lots of friends. I am out such a lot I get overtired. I am a lot better than I was, just have the odd very sad days. I think if we could have stayed friends I would prefer it. I just miss his company I suppose.