am i ignorant?

[OLIVIA26]

A few weeks ago i gave my ex partner 2x alton towers to allow him to take his youngest son and try and bond (read my prev questions to understand fully)as he couldn't afford the price of the tickets. I received a text last night from him saying they'd had a nice time, bla,bla he'll repay me someday.. he hopes i'm ok x, i'm applying the 'no contact rule' to allow me time to get over him so i didn't acknowledge his text. I knew by responding i'd be slightly opening the door, but on the other hand i don't want to have anyone think me rude or ignorant. did i do the right thing? i constantly seek reassurance for my actions and i have noone to ask apart from you guys, so sorry.

[sara3]

I don't know what you're trying to achieve, but if you don't want to be with him you don't need to be replying to his texts.

[OLIVIA26]

just trying to gain some self esteem/control without appearing rude. I know there is such a thing as loving someone but deep down knowing they're not the right one for you.Its hard.

[happyone2]

i am puzzled why you gave him the tickets for Alton towers if you are applying a "no contact " rule................... its almost if you want to poke him with a stick and then act as if it wasnt you ??

Perhaps you should truly walk away, or stay, but stop this "playing" ??

[OLIVIA26]

i gave him the tickets prior to our split.

[Ankou]

can't you just reply saying 'pleased you had a nice time, take care'.

and then leave it at that. at least acknowledge the 'thanks'.

[IggyB]

if he thinks you are rude - then it hardly matters as you have broken contact with him, however who considers someone rude after they have just paid for you and your son to go to alton towers for the day?

Its a strange thing to obsess about but it does seem to afflict women - i am almost certain that 30 minutes after sending the text he will have forgotten, it was just a note to say thank you, there was no hidden meaning or "sub-text" if you prefer.

If you have splint up for a reason then stay split up and forget about small things like this

[OLIVIA26]

well thats what i'm really asking, should i just text and acknowledge he had a nice time, or would that allow a window of opportunity for him to message back. part of the no contact rule is specifically that~ no contact no matter how brief the text. its a process of healing for me but at the same time it goes against my nature to be rude. hope you understand this??

[sara3]

he texted yesterday to say thanks, I don't think it's worth replying the following day to say "you're welcome". it's only encouraging more communication.

[Ankou]

if he texts back again you can ignore it, but perhaps just an acknowledgement to the 1st one would be ok. if you phrase it as i said above then its not really a 'replyable' type text if you get my drift

[OLIVIA26]

thanks gnomecontroller i guess thats the ans i was looking for. i know by acknowledging his text i'm allowing him that window. i know i have low self esteem~and he knows it too so i constantly question my decisions. by texting him i'm abandoning the no contact rules. no contact is the best way forward for me i think. i'm upset most days but everyone who has my best interests at heart knows i've made the right decision, i just look for guidance from you guys. im sorry i ask so many questions to what may seem such a trivial matter to alot of you.It hurts to ignore someone you feel for in order to make myself feel more in control, and thats what it is about at the end of the day, control. i'm supposed to go out tonight, and my stomach churns at the thought of being sociable. Please believe i'm not playing games with this man, i'm trying to do what is best for me in the long run~something i've never done before. i appreciate your time answering my questions.

[4getmenot]

if you dont still like him why give him tickets. it seems very obvious you still have feelings so get back with him, if there are reasons you cant then cut all ties stop giving him things. You cannot play games if you truely want it all to end

[OLIVIA26]

like i said, i gave him the tickets before we split. i was trying to encourage the bond he felt he needed to build with his youngest son. im playing no games, im in my 30's and im past that, i only want what is best for him. it pains me to say i've lost him to his kids~and thats a good reason and im happy for him. still hurts tho.

[4getmenot]

yer sorry read that after. You are playing games as in your post you havent responded in case thats opening the door and the no contact rule. You should have just simply replied and said yep am fine thank you glad you had a good time. then leave it. Move on. Although from all your posts on here seems its going to take time.

[OLIVIA26]

hi 4getmenot, i seriously am not playing games with him. im applying the no contact rule because 4 once i'm trying to put me in the driving seat. i've been walked all over by this man yet still i believe i'm not worthy of anyone else. i so appreciate your response, be it neg or pos, i guess im applying if you love someone set them free. once again thankyou. i am a nice person really, definately not a player x

[4getmenot]

but deep down do you want this no contact thing to make him realise he needs you? Thats all I'm trying to say. You seem to be nice I'm just trying to make you see that you are thinking too much about someone you say you want out your life. You need to be happy in yourself. x