Can I tell you a secret?

[bobjugs12]

I've had enough now. I've had a few beers (yes I know drinking on your own isn't sensible lol), and I've decided to spill my soul. Who better to spill it to than people that will a) not judge and b) not know me personally.

I've bragged on here a few times about my conquests, and my ability with the ladies (lol) and to be honest I have.
However, i'm really lonely. I've been trying to fill the void in my life with meaningless sex, and by chatting up vulnerable women i've met on plentyoffish. Since my marriage broke down a couple of years ago I've had a 'serious' relationship, and she ended up a psycho, but i even miss the company of her (i didn't even like her that much, but at least I had someone to cuddle up to at night and share a dinner with). Other than her though, all i've had is one-nighters and quick flings.

I'm not a fussy person, and I don't have unobtainable standards, but I can't meet someone else. I'm not ugly, needy, or smelly; I have a nice car, a decent job, I'm a good dad and a nice bloke. Why do I keep going down the one-night route. Why when I meet a woman who I think I'd like to get to know in more than just a sexual way do I fail

Am I still hung up on my ex wife? If so, how does she still have this much control? If this a personality thing on my part then how do I figure out what it is and change it? God i'm confused!

Somebody help me please

[bobjugs12]

Mick it is free mate

[NoMercy]

Can I ask how old you are, Bob?

[bobjugs12]

I'm 28 NoM with three kids

[karenmac60]

If you really want a relationship then you're off to a running start Bob. A single woman in your shoes has a much harder time of it because more women want relationships than men, so they have to lower their standards and even then they run the risk of being shot down. A single man who wants to settle down has their pick! I understand why you've been doing the one night thing - it gives you company, sex, physical intimacy and boosts your ego for a short time. But if that is now leaving you unsatisfied then maybe you are ready to move onto something more serious, but you have to be over your ex first. If you're not and you rush into something you run the risk of hurting someone else and that's not fair. Work out if you are thinking about her because you miss her, or because you miss a relationship. Meantime steer clear of sex and like others have said, work on having meaningful friendships with women. When you are meeting women you're interested in beyond sex don't harp on about your ex and don't come across as desperate. Take things slowly, allow yourself to be a little vulnerable but don't turn into a whinge slagging off your ex - no girl wants to think you may talk about her like that further down the line, nor do they want to compete with her. Good luck and don't be too down on yourself - we all do what we have to to get by at times.X

[ummmm]

Bob...you need to change your attitude. Someone sh!t on you....doesn't mean everyone will.

We've said it before...hand on my heart, I have never cheated on anyone in my life. There are more people like me (I think) than not....

My ex beat me up....badly!! and cheated on me numerous times but I judge people individually so don't bring my baggage with me. I learnt by mistakes and have only been in loving, trusting relationships since.

[bobjugs12]

Wyzard. The loical side of me says the chances of finding someone as bad as my ex are slim. But the emotional side is just scream that any girl I find is gonna take any opportunity to screw me over again.

[bobjugs12]

Ummmm, I know your right, I just wish I could belive it (if tha makes sense?)

[Mick-Talbot]

plentyoffish but does most of it look like Halibut?

bob try meeting some women away from a pub, if you are tanked up you know where it will lead if she is game.

[sara3]

Bob, we're not all the same.. and a lot of us have also been on the receiving end of bad treatment. bear in mind that we've all had "experiences" but you have to try to look forwards and not back.

[tamborine]

Is your ex-wife with a new man ?

[ummmm]

You have to believe it Bob or go on as you are. Which is unhappy. One person, out of a pool of millions, has knocked your confidence.

Most people are decent xx

[bobjugs12]

Tambo, my ex is with a bloke yeah. He's the same guy she moved into my house whilst I was on operations in afghanistan

[bobjugs12]

Honestly mate, the only thing that stopped me burying the bloke in a hole in the woods was the though that my kids would have to visit me in prison. My kids were the same reason i put down the pills and whiskey one really *** night

[NoMercy]

Bob... for you to meet the right woman and make a success of it, you need to be in the right frame of mind... A so called "happy place".

In order to do that you must first break this cycle of sleeping with women you barely know. In truth, Bob, I don't think there are women out there who just want a sh@g... they probably feel the same way as you.

[ummmm]

NoM...there is...believe me. I'm related to some of them.

[bobjugs12]

NoM, the worst bit of it is, these women i'm using don't just want a shag, they are looking for a relationship as well. I feel like an arrse, but it doesn't stop me doing it.