Can I tell you a secret?

[bobjugs12]

I've had enough now. I've had a few beers (yes I know drinking on your own isn't sensible lol), and I've decided to spill my soul. Who better to spill it to than people that will a) not judge and b) not know me personally.

I've bragged on here a few times about my conquests, and my ability with the ladies (lol) and to be honest I have.
However, i'm really lonely. I've been trying to fill the void in my life with meaningless sex, and by chatting up vulnerable women i've met on plentyoffish. Since my marriage broke down a couple of years ago I've had a 'serious' relationship, and she ended up a psycho, but i even miss the company of her (i didn't even like her that much, but at least I had someone to cuddle up to at night and share a dinner with). Other than her though, all i've had is one-nighters and quick flings.

I'm not a fussy person, and I don't have unobtainable standards, but I can't meet someone else. I'm not ugly, needy, or smelly; I have a nice car, a decent job, I'm a good dad and a nice bloke. Why do I keep going down the one-night route. Why when I meet a woman who I think I'd like to get to know in more than just a sexual way do I fail

Am I still hung up on my ex wife? If so, how does she still have this much control? If this a personality thing on my part then how do I figure out what it is and change it? God i'm confused!

Somebody help me please

[sara3]

I don't get it.. you've made it sound like you've sought out the vulnerable ones for one-nighters. are you saying you wanted a relationship?

[NoMercy]

Bob...

Firstly, if you think you're not going to get judged on here, you are labouring under a huge misconception.

Perhaps you are afraid of forming a close bond like the one you had with your wife, in case you lose it again. I know a guy who walked in on his wife having it away with his mate - he completely went to pieces and so began years of one night stands and commitment phobia. You just have to learn to take a chance on someone.

[bobjugs12]

The girls I went for for one-nighters were the girls that didn't require any 'effort'. I don't know why, but they're not the sort of girls i want a relationship.

I can only think, that I go for these girls because I know there's less chance of rejection by them.

[bobjugs12]

NoM, i never walked in on her, but my break up was every bit as messy as if I had.
I can furnish you with details if that'd help.

I know i'm gonna be judged, but I'm (probably) never gonna meet anyone from here so it doesn't matter. I've had years of being judged by strangers based on my career choice.

[sara3]

it's true.. if you don't take a risk you can't be rejected.

I think you need to look at a slower "friends first" angle. meaningless sex is okay for some people, but not for others.

[NoMercy]

Well you may have hit the nail on the head there, Bob. Perhaps you working your way through the female population of your city is your way of proving that you are not "past it" and that women still find you attractive.

Perhaps it's a lack of confidence and you don't want to go for a classier, more intelligent women because you think you're not good enough. I would say that when you next meet a lady you like, take it slowly and don't let sex enter the equation. Get to know her slowly.

[Mamyalynne]

bob take stock and for the moment if you can forget about the sexual side of things and decide the kind of girl you would like to meet. Then try places that they would attend, I too am lonely but unfortunately don`t believe there is anyone out there to replace my husband. Don`t rush headlong into flings and you will find a soulmate.

M ♥

[bobjugs12]

The question I still keep asking myself is why do I miss my ex wife so much? She was violent, a serial cheat, nasty, and controlling.

[ummmm]

Stop having one night stands.

My sister could never understand why blokes were more interested in me than they were with her. The difference....she slept around and I didn't. The men I went out with knew sex was a no no. The men she went out with (if it ever got that far) knew it was a yes yes.

You seem to be going for people like my sister...

It's wrong to judge girls on their sexual conquests....men have been doing it forever but the fact is men do judge girls for sleeping with them straight away and girls that do that tend to do it because they fancy a sh@g.

[ummmm]

Do you really miss her Bob? Seriously?

Or do you miss being in a relationship?

[NoMercy]

She's the mother of your children, Bob, and you knew where you stood and what to expect with her. I daresay you don't really miss her... you just feel so gutted that she cheated on you. I would hazard a guess that this is all about confidence issues, and she totally obliterated your confidence when she cheated.

[sara3]

you miss the company, and the things that were good about your relationship, but it's time to move on.

re-evaluate, don't rush, and decide what you're really looking for.

[tamborine]

Do you mistrust women due to the breakup with your wife?

[Mamyalynne]

Bob you will always have a part of your heart for her, as you must have been happy at some point.

[Mick-Talbot]

plentyoffish, is that free to join bobjugs?

[ummmm]

Apparently so Mick....and full of people looking for no strings sex.

[bobjugs12]

To the guys asking about trust issues, I really do have issues trusting women. My confidence is a mess as well. How do i fix it though? I want to be normal again. I'm going through a really positive time carerr-wise and everything is falling into place nicely. I just want someone to share the joy with. This issue is tainting what should be one of the most awesome times of my life.

[sara3]

yes it is, Mr Talbot!