ChatterBank1 min ago
My husband wont sleep with me
100 Answers
Ive been married for a year on Friday, and although I know my husband loves me, hes never been big into sex. Last night I saw his lovely big stash of porn on his xbox. He obviously stays up at night watching his porn while Im waiting in bed for him. Im only 30, I work out in the gym regularly and I always make an effort to look nice. Obviously its not a physical problem if he can sort himself out, so why wont he sleep with me? Does anybody else think its unusual that a man would rather sort himself out than sleep with his wife? We havent had sex for about 2 months and we have no kids. If I try initiate it I either feel like its such an ordeal or it just doesnt happen. Hes gone to work and Ive sent him a text asking am I that repulsive that he would rather watch porn than sleep with his wife and whats wrong with me. I have no problem with the porn as such, its the fact that Im not getting any sex at all. Im really upset about this and dont know where to go next or what to do...
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I think I'd go with lazy and possibly he's burying his head in the sand over something... I can see your frustration, watching porn isn't particularly hideous but it's not on if you're being neglected in the bedroom as a result.
There is a criticism of watching too much porn that says it desensitises and can make people not able to acheive climax/arousal without the additional stimulation of porn... I'm not entirely sure how true that is (or know enough about it) but I can certainly see a logic to it.
Sit down and discuss it with him and if an amicable solution that means you're both happy can't be found then you'll need to weigh up your options and decide what exactly you want (if anything) to save in this relationship and whether it's worth the heartache to sort it out.
There is a criticism of watching too much porn that says it desensitises and can make people not able to acheive climax/arousal without the additional stimulation of porn... I'm not entirely sure how true that is (or know enough about it) but I can certainly see a logic to it.
Sit down and discuss it with him and if an amicable solution that means you're both happy can't be found then you'll need to weigh up your options and decide what exactly you want (if anything) to save in this relationship and whether it's worth the heartache to sort it out.
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Wendy - I perhaps didn't explain myself correctly.
When I mentioned pressure, i didn't mean to infer that you put the pressure on him - far from it - the fact is, like a lot of men, he may be putting the pressure on himself.
One thing about porn - apart from the obvious stimulation - is that it can give a man an inferiority complex! Usually, it's physically gorgeous people sending people into serial ecstacy .. except of course, it's not. It's professional actors who do this for a living, and can turn on and off their actions and reactions as soon as they hear 'Action' and 'Cut'.
Maybe your husband is setting himself goals he can't reach - obviously you will know this better than any of us.
The key is, communication. Expect him to be angry, because he is defensive, and that's a standard reaction, but try and get past that, and get into the fact that you love each other, and sex includes cramp, bummps, uncontrolled laughter, loosing the plot ... all the things that make us enthusiastic amateurs who do this for fun, and for love!
Talk to him. listen to him. Be patient, and you will get past this.
When I mentioned pressure, i didn't mean to infer that you put the pressure on him - far from it - the fact is, like a lot of men, he may be putting the pressure on himself.
One thing about porn - apart from the obvious stimulation - is that it can give a man an inferiority complex! Usually, it's physically gorgeous people sending people into serial ecstacy .. except of course, it's not. It's professional actors who do this for a living, and can turn on and off their actions and reactions as soon as they hear 'Action' and 'Cut'.
Maybe your husband is setting himself goals he can't reach - obviously you will know this better than any of us.
The key is, communication. Expect him to be angry, because he is defensive, and that's a standard reaction, but try and get past that, and get into the fact that you love each other, and sex includes cramp, bummps, uncontrolled laughter, loosing the plot ... all the things that make us enthusiastic amateurs who do this for fun, and for love!
Talk to him. listen to him. Be patient, and you will get past this.
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