My husband wont sleep with me

[wendy33]

Ive been married for a year on Friday, and although I know my husband loves me, hes never been big into sex. Last night I saw his lovely big stash of porn on his xbox. He obviously stays up at night watching his porn while Im waiting in bed for him. Im only 30, I work out in the gym regularly and I always make an effort to look nice. Obviously its not a physical problem if he can sort himself out, so why wont he sleep with me? Does anybody else think its unusual that a man would rather sort himself out than sleep with his wife? We havent had sex for about 2 months and we have no kids. If I try initiate it I either feel like its such an ordeal or it just doesnt happen. Hes gone to work and Ive sent him a text asking am I that repulsive that he would rather watch porn than sleep with his wife and whats wrong with me. I have no problem with the porn as such, its the fact that Im not getting any sex at all. Im really upset about this and dont know where to go next or what to do...

[wendy33]

lol were going to Riviera Maya, and yes the strike is already on Im not cooking or cleaning or do anything for the a$$hole.

[Prudie]

Wendy I read only recently that lack of a morning erection suggests a physical problem. Come on male posters be honest, how many of you would (or do) find it impossible to admit to and tackle a problem like this? Maybe he wants you to think he's watching porn as a preference to you rather than telling you the truth that he has difficulty getting it on.

[stonekicker]

good for you wendy. mind you, you may have to tell him as boys are a bit slow on the uptake and he may not notice quickly enough, leading to more frustration for you. if you can'tell him face to face, stick a big note somewhere he will see it and say ' as you are such a w a n k e r , i have decided to go on strike until you talk to me like a grown up. normal service MIGHTthen be resumed'. has worked a treat in the past with mine when he's in the dog house. get vicious girl - grrr x

[andy-hughes]

Just to be sure - an erection - or not - in the morning, is no reflection of sexual arousal.

All men experience erections in their sleep, during REM sleep, and morning REM sleep and waking means waking with an erection. The man may have no memory of the dream causing his erection, so it has no bearing on his desire for sex firt thing in the morning.

The stilulation is also caused by the body 'flexing' the penis to keep it healthy.

As men get older, their testosterone levels decrease, and so do the 'morning glories' - but again, it's not linked to concious sexual desire.

[AlBags]

... no .. in most cases, morning wood is because of the need to pee.

[Prudie]

Whatever you guys, I think you are confirming what i said earlier. If Wendy's husband is not waking with these wooden glories (as she said) then he more than likely has a physiological problem which he can't admit to (nothinh to do with not fancying her)

[welshlibranr]

Personally I would feel very insulted by this behaviour, I just could not cope with it at all!.................You really need to talk to him about it!................it's soul destroying!......don't settle for this.........you can do better, surely!.............

[liquidspace]

I had this with my partner of 8 years (we have split recently), he always used porn and I told him over and over and cried and begged, pleaded, told him how it made me feel etc etc. It made no difference, men like it, bottom line. Now I've left him he says he doesn't need it and wants me back - typical man, didn't realise what he had until it was too late. I suggest you say that you will not put up with being sidelined any more.

[LoftyLottie]

Quite honestly, I think you both need to go together for some professional advice through a counsellor to get to the root of the problem. Seeking advice on here is fair enough but we only get one side of the story and don't know either of you. It needs sorting out properly. Can you not suggest to him that you seek some advice (even if it means writing a note to him if he won't talk)

And his behaviour certainly doesn't indicate that he doesn't love you or doesn't fancy you. That is ridiculous to suggest.

Good luck.

[Sqad]

Lofty.....why?

[joeluke]

Harsh to say but if he won't sleep/have sex with you then he obviously doesn't fancy you......Sorry it's not what you proibably wanted to hear but it's probably true......dump him and find someone who wants you and not just images on a screen

[TTG]

Learn some moves from Sylvia Saint or Sasha Grey. He will be worshiping you in no time.

[ummmm]

Andy did say he might get defensive.

[LoftyLottie]

Sqad, Surely even you are not that black and white with your views? You must realise why? The worse thing for a sexual relationship is if their is tension and lack of communication between a couple. It needs sorting. And telling someone their husband doesn't love them or fancy them is just plain daft. You don't know the situation.

[LoftyLottie]

Andy is being his usual wise self ummm. His postings on this are spot on.

[Robinia]

No one seems to have picked up on Wendy's comment about her husband having a thyroid problem...could that be a factor?

[ummmm]

I know :-)

The thing is he cuddles her and shows her affection. That's a better basis than many 'active' relationships...

[LoftyLottie]

Good point, Robinia.

[Sqad]

Loftyh....NOBODY here knows the situation.........just opinions and to describe someone's opinions are "daft" is disingenuous,disagree fine.......but not calling them daft.

Man aged 30yrs old....married for 12 months, to a wife who is keen on sex,suddenly goes off sex with her and turns to porn.
Causes?
a) Psychological
b) Hormonal.

Hormonal in a man of 30yrs....very very unlikely.
Psychological......many , many reasons, but the commonest reason, in my opinion, is exactly what I have said.....he has lost interest in her for sex and love, not an uncommon situation.

But please...do not describe peoples considered opinions as "daft"

[LoftyLottie]

I agree with you ummmm - and also shows more 'love' in my opinion!!