Relationship Matters

[Tsk277]

My sister has confided in me that she cheated on her husband. They've been married for 3 years and together for 10 years.

She says it wasnt with anyone her or her husband knows, but that she met him a few weeks prior to cheating. My brother in law is besotted with her and while it would kill him if she told him they would work through it and stay together ( and I truly believe that too).

Apparently the "event" took place around 18 months ago. She didn't tell her husband because she said she felt so guilty that she should be the one to suffer not her husband, but now she thinks telling him might be a better idea as she doesn't want to lie to him anymore. I think she is genuinely sorry about what she did and I believe her when she says it happened once and put a stop to it straight after.

I don't know if she is still in contact with this bloke, but I am hoping she isn't!!

Basically she asked me what I thought she should do, and I genuinely don't know. I can understand that yes she cheatedand she should have to silently live with the consequences of this, but on the other hand my brother in law is a fantastic fella, and definitely doesn't deserve to be lied to.

Any thoughts?

[ummmm]

She'll only be telling him to relieve her own guilt.

It's not lying to not tell someone something unless asked.

You're only assuming they would work it out. Some people can, some can't. He may never trust her again and her life would be even more miserable.

[murraymints]

keep shtum..say nowt....

[AlwaysConfused]

She should keep it to herself. Owning up 18 months later would be more detrimental to the relationship than keeping quiet, in my opinion.

[pusskin]

I wouldnt risk my family happiness by telling him to get it off my chest.
Hope she keeps it to herself. Nothing gained by telling him.

[Old_Geezer]

What they all said ^^^^^

She did the deed, she lives with it. She doesn't inflict it on her partner. What one doesn't know (at least in this case) won't hurt.

[Tsk277]

Thanks guys

[Sqad]

Don't be silly.

It happened, you enjoyed it (I presume) and it was exciting ( I presume)

That is life forget it.

[Canary42]

She should tell him - it's about time the poor deluded bloke found out what women are like.

[ummmm]

Oh dear...you didn't sound very bitter there, Canary.

[Zacs-Master]

some interesting statistics. Obviously the 'admit' bit is unreliable:
http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

[Sqad]

Zac and those statistics are for those who ADMIT infidelity, but what about the one's who deny it despite being culpable?

[Zacs-Master]

erm....thats why I said 'Obviously the 'admit' bit is unreliable'

[naomi24]

//she asked me what I thought she should do//

She asked you what you thought SHE should do - she didn't ask you to do anything. Keep out of it.

[VHG]

If she tells him he will use it as a battering ram to hit her over the head every time they have a tiff or an argument.

She should NEVER tell him.

[jakep]

She should keep it from him for always.

[saintpeter48]

No way should she tell him, she must live with the guilt, I think she should shelve it and move on, after all, what the eye doesn't see the heart won't grieve over!

[Samuraisan]

Let sleeping dogs lie.

[hammerman]

+1 for "forget it"

Tell her to put it out of her mind, no point stirring up a huge nest of hornets when it was so long ago.