doesn't want to go to school

[MAVERICK1965]

My 9 year old Son moved up a year at a school he has been at for the past 2 years. He has had no problems until recently and says that he doesn't like his new teacher, the work is too hard, etc,etc.He is adamant that he is not being bullied.It sometimes takes me 30 mins to get him out of the car in the morning,he keeps saying that he can't go into school and gets very upset. When i do eventually get him into the building he will spend all of the school day sat near the school office as he refuses to go into class. My husband and i and the school are at a loss at what to do with him we've tried everything, being nice, losing our temper, bribary, but all to no avail. Its all very very stressful for us all. The school have even suggested that he goes into another class, but there are only 2 classes in the year,and he won't even try that.This is so out of character we have not had any problems with him before, he is a happy outgoing child at home. HELP!!

[Lore]

Mav, Do they have a teaching assistant in his class? If so, you could arrange for her/him to meet your son at the office each morning and spend at least the first 10 minutes of the morning reading together, just chatting or doing some jobs around school.
If not then do either yourself or your husband work? If one of you stays home or works part time (assuming you don't have a younger child at home) then one of you could pop into school for a couple of mornings per week to help in class - this will mean your son has some comfort for whatever time you're around... this could also be a relative that he's close to. Believe me, schools are crying out for parent helpers - especially during the Literacy hour.

Failing that, do they have a buddy system in school? If not then maybe you could suggest this to the head teacher... this will give him the opportunity to go and talk to an adult ( his buddy) at whatever point he needs to - even during a lesson.

I have a few buddies at school and it usually only takes a few words of encouragement and reassurance to put thier mind at ease.

hope this helps a little Mav, I do know what you're going through, I've seen so many children like this. good luck xx

[MAVERICK1965]

Thanks Lore. We have tried the teaching assistant thing, and the Buddy thing too. He has 2 teachers that are "buddies" and also 2 children.But none of it is working. Both my husband and i both work, but my work is very understanding and have told me to take as much time as i want to sort the problem. Maybe i will try going into class with him,if he'll agree to it!!

i will let you know

thanks again.

[stanleyman]

We had a similar but not so bad situation with our son last year. They settle down with a teacher and get used to them then term ends and a new teacher appears, it only takes a few wrong words before they don't like the teacher. There was however an element of picking on the boys from the all female teacher staff.

My son may have got through all this but we were concerned with his progress so took him to an educational pychiatrist who diagnosed severe dyslexia. He is now at high school and getting the help he needs.

I would suggest that if there are no real problems that you can identify then it may be better to take him to another school for a fresh start.

[Drusilla]

Lore's answer is excellent as usual and I would agree with all she has said. If however, things do not improve, ask if your son can be referred to the educational psychologist.
It's surprising how seemingly minor incidents can have devastating effects on the psyche of some young children and whatever it is, it may need investigating.
Best wishes and good luck to you and your family.

[Lore]

aw thanks drusilla :o)


mav, you could always ask the school to get their SENco to observe him during lesson time - he/she may be able to pick up on the things that are obviously causing him distress.

[MAVERICK1965]

Lore,

What is a SENco??

Main problem at the moment is trying to actually get him into class. I think if he had the courage to go into class then that would be a major step and hopefully he would see that things are not so bad. He has good friends in the class that are all missing him.

I asked him earlier if he would like me to help with the class for a morning and he said " i don't no".... it's soooo frustrating!

[stanleyman]

Couldn't you arrange for him to go into school with one or two of his friends, maybe a bit earlier?

[Lore]

hiya mav, The SENco is the Special Educational Needs co-ordinator.. I'm not a SENco but work with SEN children and have done several observations. there maybe certain situations that can cause some sort of anxiety or frustration.. the SENco will sit in on a lesson and will monitor a child throughout, without the child knowing they are there to watch him/her.

something else I thought of... Have they mixed the classes since July? there could be a new member in the class who he sits by that might be making him uncomfortable... Although they stay in the same room throughout the day some schools change the seating arrangements for various lessons. Also, is he sitting further away from the front of the class? He might just need his eyes testing or hearing for that matter...

This all seems a bit ott I know, but you've got to explore every avenue to help him - especially if he can't give you the answer.

I know this is a really difficult time for you, there's nothing worse than seeing your child upset and no matter what you do, you can't seem to find the answer...... but please try to stay clam with him, as frustrating as it may become, he needs you on his side but he also needs continuity - you must take him to school every day, fight the same battle every day and be there for him at all times providing lots of praise, encouragement and reassurance. If you give him one day off this will only make matters worse, he will find it more and more difficult to adjust to the new class if he spends too much time away.

[MAVERICK1965]

Stanyleman,

He used to walk to scholl with 3 friends, they would arrive around 8.30 and play footbal, but he doesn't want to even do that anymore.

Lore,

I have taken all of your advise onboard, many thanks...watch this space!!

It's Monday and i hope by Friday that things have improved!