Please help! my daughter is a nightmare!!

[onlyme26]

basically my 9 year old daughter just refuses to do as she is told! im so fed up now i dont know what to do, i shout at her, then i always end up feeling guilty and shouting does nothing!!
i send her to her room she refuses to go, i litterally have to drag her there and then she just comesstraight backout!!

i need some tips and ideas on how to control her!

she isnt bad all the time, i mean i would say she is naughty 3 out of 7 days, she is lovely when she wants to be.,its just when i ask her to do somehting and she doesnt want to she really really kicks off about it!

i have tried the charts and giving her treats for good bahaviour but doest ever last she gets fed up and starts being naughty again :(:(

[ummmm]

That's 'all' the time Lottie...

Occasionally works...

[onlyme26]

i cant hit her, i just dont think its right, i have slapped her leg before now when she has really said some nasty things, but as for a good hiding! cant do it

does need sorting tho, i wasnt like her i respected my parents,

your right this could go on and on lol

thanks for the suggestions, i think im gonna ignore her when she plays up ans then take her stuff when she has calmed down, and i hope she realises when she doesnt get a reaction from me and she looses her things she will back down !!!

fingers crossed!!

[woofgang]

at nine could it be the hormones kicking in? I agree that it sounds like she has things her own way. My sis did the food and shelter thing with my niece when she was a little older...I don't have to give you pocket money, stuff, clubs after school, all the life treats...you can earn them by good behaviour or lose them with bad...basically the toys, the mobile, the xbox or whatever all get locked away until the behaviour improves and you don't give in and you let her kick off. If you send her to her room and she comes straight out, you put her back in and hold the door shut AND you don't give up....but first i agree, ask her what the problem is and expalin about family living and give and take. Not to worry you but if this has started suddenly the other (nasty) possibility is that it can be a first symptom of abuse.....not by you I hasten to add.

[daffy654]

Could she be hormonal? I started my periods at an early age and was very moody for some months beforehand.

[LoftyLottie]

A child with ADHD or whatever is quite rare really and far worse than onlyme's daughter is.

Does she behave in school?

[Sqad]

lofty

<<in fact children that are smacked and shouted at all the time just get quite used to it and don't give a damn<<

Really?............I had only to threaten and they would do as they were told......usually.

[ummmm]

Yes Helen....You reap what you sow.

Onlyme needs to change it now before it's too late. The 9 year old will be a teenager before she knows it..

[onlyme26]

she is good as gold in school, never ever been in trouble,

i am not a total soft touch and she hasnt been overly spoilt! she hasnt always been like this,
she does not always get her own way and i have rules!

just lately she seems to think she can get away with saying NO to everything!! :(

maybe it is her hormones kicking in, i never thought of that, i was an early starter aswell to be honest

[Bobbisox]

Is it so rare Lotty?
I know friends of mine who have grandchildren with the condition, mind you, I am not sure if this is just another trumpted up word, made up to cover bad behaviour in kids

[woofgang]

A mate of mine had the not getting dressed to go to school thing with one of hers when the child was about 8. She put the uniform in a carrier bag, put the child and her sister in the car and drove to school with naughty one in her jammies. Naughty one changed in the back of the car and my mate NEVER had to do that again.

[ummmm]

Stop making excuses for her. Hormones kicking in do not make you lose respect for your parents...

[ummmm]

That's what I would do woof...

[Sqad]

Hormones?......yeah right.........so now were do we go?

[onlyme26]

its easier said then done!

i threatened to take her laptop when she started this morning, she says she doesnt care and carried on!

i have taken it now and she aint getting it back for at least 2 weeks!!!


i feel guilty as hell tho all the time

[ummmm]

It's not easier said than done though...

Do you want to be treated like this? You need to sort it out for your daughters sake as well.

40 minutes late for school over a skirt....my daughter would lose more than her laptop..!!!

[karieokie]

Shes not necessarily spoilt and punishment doesnt seem to work. you cant change her behaviour, you can only change your own behaviour in response to hers. if shes naughty, ignore it. when shes good reward it. it will take a long time and will almost definitely get worse for a while as she will try to push the boudaries that you put in place and see how far she can go to get your attention. she needs to be re trained to think that if she behaves properly, she will get attention - and more importantly it will be positive attention. it sounds to me like she gets a lot of attention when shes naughty and you spend your valuable time trying to 'control' her, try reversing it. if she comes out of her room, completely ignore her. when she (and you) are calm, you can then discuss what went wrong. the positive attention doesnt even have to be a material reward, try asking her to help cook or to do something together.

taking her to a doctor/ hitting her are awful suggestions.

[ummmm]

She's 9 not 3..!

[berniecuddles]

down the vets put down!! thank you