Please help! my daughter is a nightmare!!

[onlyme26]

basically my 9 year old daughter just refuses to do as she is told! im so fed up now i dont know what to do, i shout at her, then i always end up feeling guilty and shouting does nothing!!
i send her to her room she refuses to go, i litterally have to drag her there and then she just comesstraight backout!!

i need some tips and ideas on how to control her!

she isnt bad all the time, i mean i would say she is naughty 3 out of 7 days, she is lovely when she wants to be.,its just when i ask her to do somehting and she doesnt want to she really really kicks off about it!

i have tried the charts and giving her treats for good bahaviour but doest ever last she gets fed up and starts being naughty again :(:(

[MrIncredible]

Have you thought it might be dietary?
Our Daughter was a little bugger at that age, we cut out all food with additives including fizzy drinks like coca cola etc and she was a different child.
Even now she's older when she has pop and sweets gets really chatty and "hyper"
Just a thought

[LoftyLottie]

Are you feeling better about things Den? It is such a shame about your Dad. I suppose he just can't deal with it, but your poor Mum..........

[DEN53]

I don't think I will ever come to terms in putting her in a Care Home, but it is what it is and I can't change her dementia - I hope in her heart she will forgive me.

[Marijn]

Smacking is NOT the answer. Not only is smacking totally disrespectful but it leads to more pain. Those who think that NOT smacking a child leads to them growing up and having ASBOS have got it completely arse about face. It's the ones with the ASBOS who are MUCH more likely to have been hit/smacked by their parents.
Why on earth would someone be so persistantly encouraging someone to hit their child? What do you get out of it?

[woofgang]

What our Sqad gets out of it is amusement at the furore he causes :-)

[lcg]

easy peasy to solve problem behaviour....put a lock on the outside of her door, so when you want her to have time out, she stays put. every time she is naughty remove articles from her room for a clearly specified time or ubtil she apologises properly. repeat until she gets the message. oh - and if she has dance lessons or other extra-curricular activities and she's naughty - she doesn't go. put your foot down, be consistent and punish her as needs be...x

[cherrychapstick]

go to the doctors and keep going till they help you , my friend had the same problem with her child for a few years doctors kept saying he had behavoural problems but did nothing , it took one day for my friend to be in town when he kicked off and actually battered her she hit him back and a woman went up to her and told her not to hit him or she would phone social services , that night she got a visit from police and charged!!,doctors then done something about him and he has to go to anger management.... but my friend also has to go ...so please get it sorted quick xxx good luck xx

[RATTER15]

Woofgang, I agree, some people will never accept the kind approach, its so much easier to be tough and aggressive, more manly i think!!

I feel a lot happier having well balanced children that I didn't have to scare and beat into behaving themselves.

I imagine those who were beaten as children will beat their children, that's the only discipline they know.

[crisgal]

i bet you didn't think you'd get all these answers!
has any of our ramblings and falling out, been any help, onlyme26?

[NOX]

I too have never hit my kids or I think raised my voice above twice, and my kids are very well behaved but I was beaten, seriously beaten and hurt very badly as a matter of course by by maniac father- so it doesn't always follow ratter that that applies. I decided when I was ten years old that when I was a father I'd actually make an effort to be a good one, not like mine- I think the hitting thing comes from parental inability and frustration and a desire to be respected because some people have low self esteem.

[RATTER15]

I agree Nox, it was rather a sweeping statements and generally I think it is true, but I suppose the opposite will often also be true, some people that were beaten, will vow never to do the same to their kids, Good on them!!

[ummmm]

How many people have now said to bring the child to the doctors?

Lets try and label the child instead of parenting it....

[Sqad]

ummmm.......;-)

[ummmm]

The mind boggles Sqad...it really does.

Tantrum are for toddlers...she should have dealt with it then. Now she's left with a 9 year old that kicks off half the week.

40 minutes late for school because she didn't like her skirt. NOX and RATTER...how would you have dealt with that?

[alavahalf]

'Parenting' ... or lack of it ... you hit the nail on the head with that one ummm ...

[RATTER15]

ummmm like I said before, you can never answer a question like that without actually being there at the time and without knowing the child, I just know that beating and screaming at her will just make things worse.

[ummmm]

No...true but it shouldn't have got to this. By the time they start school they should have respect for their parents. Well everyone tbh...

I'm not a fan of smacking. It's something I have rarely done with mine...but then I haven't had to because they wouldn't have acted like this.

[RATTER15]

"Tantrum are for toddlers...she should have dealt with it then. Now she's left with a 9 year old that kicks off half the week."

Exactly right, Mother should have learned how to deal with these situations early on, maybe then she wouldn't have to resort to violence to control a 9 year old child, how can beating a helpless child ever be right!!! its just so wrong!!

[ummmm]

I'm not advocating hitting a child. Some people do, some people don't...that's up to them.

Not being able to get a child out of the house to get to school I find quite shocking. As I said....I would have dragged them out, skirt or no skirt..