Please help! my daughter is a nightmare!!

[onlyme26]

basically my 9 year old daughter just refuses to do as she is told! im so fed up now i dont know what to do, i shout at her, then i always end up feeling guilty and shouting does nothing!!
i send her to her room she refuses to go, i litterally have to drag her there and then she just comesstraight backout!!

i need some tips and ideas on how to control her!

she isnt bad all the time, i mean i would say she is naughty 3 out of 7 days, she is lovely when she wants to be.,its just when i ask her to do somehting and she doesnt want to she really really kicks off about it!

i have tried the charts and giving her treats for good bahaviour but doest ever last she gets fed up and starts being naughty again :(:(

[sandyRoe]

Whatever happened to 'The naughty step'?

[McMouse]

Seems to me the parents stand on the naughty step these days.

[Bobbisox]

oooh Sqad, I think that must have been terrifying for Helen, it is reminiscent of Mommy Dearest, Helen that must have had one hell of an effect on you

[TTG]

Answer to question. No offence but my brothers and me would never have defied my parents like this at her age. We were disciplined from an early age. A short sharp shock (smack on hand or bottom) and withdrawing of privileges was enough. A combination of both and we were fine.

Sitting down and trying to reason, have a conversation about our behavior or putting us on a "naughty step" would not have been very effective! Best deal with it quick.

We still see them at least twice a week and they are our best friends.

[Sqad]

vibra.......that´s quite interesting......did you think that up all by yourself?

[sandyRoe]

Surely the funniest thing Tommy Cooper ever did was drop dead on stage?

[woofgang]

sorry sqad can't agree...maybe about the smacking but terrifying a child? telling her she wished she had never been born? Surely that was never loving treatment of a child?

[ummmm]

That's awful. I would rather have been smacked that had emotional abuse. Something I didn't get either.

[woofgang]

sandyRoe I don't think that comment about Tommy Cooper is called for.....

[whiskeryron]

I agree with Sqad, bad behaviour needs swift response or she will get worse & completely out of control. I can't be doing with these people who keep saying children mustn't be smacked,the daftest thing we ever did was to outlaw corporal punishment in schools,look at the amount of youths we hear about with ASBOs etc. Don't take my word for it, observe animals in the wild,if Mama Lioness finds the littleones playing up they get a cuff from a very large paw, look & learn.

[ummmm]

Whiskey....but they can't talk..

[LoftyLottie]

Mama Lioness does it naturally to protect herself usually when they are scrambling all over her or to protect them from danger. Quite natural. Much as a swift tap on the back of the hand when a child is in danger is a natural reaction in the interest of the child's safety and helps them to learn.

Humans do it to punish! It is contrived. There is a great difference.

[Halifaxmum]

Onlyme - I have a daughter of 11 and she is the same - I think this is normal for girls of around this age - stroppy, argumentative for no reason, giving lots of "evils" (a la Vicky Pollard), lots of door-slamming, tuts, muttering, being unreasonable and generally a pain in the arts. But then, an hour later, my bestest friend.

I think they have a lot of hormones going round and feel a lot of pressure from school, peers, older kids. Think there's also a lot of frustration as well - they're too old to act cute and naughty, but too young to have much independence.

I try to treat her like a young person, not a little girl - I talk to her as I would anyone else, explain how her actions make me and others feel, how we like to be treated as we treat others, the usual stuff I spose. She's still a little witch when she wants to be!

It's something I think most mums (and dads) have to put up with, we just have to try to step back, take deep breaths and the odd glass of wine!

I sympathise with you and, if you do find out the way to sort it out, please let me know! x

[DEN53]

onlyme - I think all kids go through a 'I refuse to do what you say' phase and you will always get kids that tow the line and kids that won't. My son was a nightmare, he wanted my attention 24/7, which I gave him, but on the times he pushed the boundaries, he would start playing me up. I did occasionally smack him, mostly out of frustration - the only method I found effective, was to completely ignore him and give the silent treatment - he absolutely hated it and it worked every time.

The more you are shouting, sending her to her room and confronting her, she will continue to rebel. Give her the silent treatment and see how it goes.

To be honest reading your post, I think she is a normal 9 year old - I think rebelling is all part of growing up.

[sandyRoe]

Woofgang, you're right. It was a tasteless remark. I'll ask for it to be removed.

[NoMercy]

My mother frequently gave me a good "hiding" and often it was not because I was particularly bad, but because she was in a bad mood. One time she gave me such a good thrashing, she kept me off school for a couple of days for fear that I would tell - which I would have done, had I not been so frightened of the consquences. You will never get a child to respect you by instilling fear and terror.

Why don't you film her outbursts and show them to people when they visit. Threaten to take the footage to her school and show everyone. A friend of mine used this idea and it paid dividends !

[LoftyLottie]

DEN, I agree!

How's things by the way.

[DEN53]

Hiya Lottie - not to bad - went in to see Mum on Sunday, she did'nt seem so agitated but my Dad still will not go into see her. May go in again tomorrow. Thanks for asking Lottie. Den xx