Please help! my daughter is a nightmare!!

[onlyme26]

basically my 9 year old daughter just refuses to do as she is told! im so fed up now i dont know what to do, i shout at her, then i always end up feeling guilty and shouting does nothing!!
i send her to her room she refuses to go, i litterally have to drag her there and then she just comesstraight backout!!

i need some tips and ideas on how to control her!

she isnt bad all the time, i mean i would say she is naughty 3 out of 7 days, she is lovely when she wants to be.,its just when i ask her to do somehting and she doesnt want to she really really kicks off about it!

i have tried the charts and giving her treats for good bahaviour but doest ever last she gets fed up and starts being naughty again :(:(

[NOX]

good that's alright then...lol

[McMouse]

LL slap is to reinforce the locking in room. Agree with sqad that if other methods work then slapping not necessary. In my opinion the term "parenting" is another one of these words that muddle the issue. It's as though there is only one model that is "good parenting" the rest being poor or bad parenting. For me the duty and role of raising children is to provide a safe, secure and caring environment where they are introduced to the rules and responsibilities of being a member of your family group. As they grow older you explain that the norms of their family may differ from other families. For example we always had meals together as a family sitting at a table with tv turned off. Other families might have their meal on a tray sitting on a sofa watching tv. Neither better nor worse, just different.

[Sqad]

craft...me too....3 out of 4 have done well and are socially acceptable (in my opinion)

Surely craft we didn´t do THAT badly for our kids......??

[LoftyLottie]

McMouse, agree with you about everything except the slap bit!

[Sqad]

redhelen....let me explain once again. During the 1940´s it was common for the working class parents to use the phrase "good hiding" to mean 3 or 4 firm slaps, mainly across the legs.
I still use this phrase in everyday life and perhaps I should cease to use it in the climate of todays modern parenting.

Does that explain it?

[craft1948]

Sqad I've always been able to take my daughter into a restaurant from a young age,in the knowledge that she will be well behaved and polite. I have on several occasions left restaurants because of the behaviour of other people's children. After hearing "Sit down and be a good boy/girl for mummy" said several times with no effect on the brats I've felt like headbutting the parents.

[Bobbisox]

We grew up with the phrase "A good hiding"
I was only ever hit once off my Dad....for setting the outside lavatory door on fire!

[LoftyLottie]

I had some 'Good hidings' from my Mum. Never from my Dad. Who did I respect the most as I grew older and who did I have a far more adult relationship with, and who was I able to talk to without getting talked down to? My Dad.

They were both good parents, both different. But I remember how I felt when I was smacked hard round the legs, both physically and mentally. It probably didn't do me any harm, but it certainly didn't do me any good either. I would be useless at delivering a smack, I just couldn't do it!!

[MissCommando]

When my daughter was little and touched something dangerous/did something naughty, we said a firm no and if she continued to touch something, we'd give her a little tap on the hand. Not hard at all and certainly didn't leave a mark.

My sister in law on the other hand will not raise her voice to her darling daughter (who is the queen of tantrums) and runs riot everywhere. We were in a furniture shop once and everyone was staring at her as she was running through the furniture and ornaments. The whole family comment on what a naughty child she is. It's not her fault though, it's my sister in laws!

I don't smack my daughter and never have. We used to tap her hand.

If she's naughty now (she's 3) we tell her off, if she still doesn't listen, we raise our voice and say last chance to be good and if she's still naughty, we sit her on the naughty step. She's pretty good most of the time though. This is what works for us though.

Onlyme - I think you may have let your daughter have her own way for too long. I think filming her is a great idea as my husband did that not so long back and my daughter watches it and agrees how silly and naughty she was being at the time.

Good luck, you just have to be firm and stick (that's the most important part) to your methods.

P.S I was smacked on the bum when I was younger and I'm completely fine with it and respected my parents. They always gave a warning and I always deserved it as I'd carry on. To be honest, I think most of my friends were smacked too.

[Sqad]

craft....well, the same with me, but I am very embarrassed about the behaviour of my grandchildren, brought up in the modern idiom, but I do not get involved.......let the present generation bring them up in whichever way they see fit, as it is THEIR children and we have an example of that in our questioner.

[McMouse]

On the subject of being afraid, I was afraid of my mother. Although I didn't suffer physical abuse at her hands she was great at the mental torture bit. I was the only kid in the junior school wearing immaculate white shirts, knife edge creases in my shorts and highly polished shoes.......even the teachers took the p1ss. After school and at weekends all the other kids wore jeans, me......second best school clothes with shoes swapped for plimsoles. The neighbours took the p1ss. Another of her tricks was to lay back in her chair a play dead. Even as a 10 year old this scared me to bits.

[Bobbisox]

mine was across the back of the legs..Ouch!
I had shorts on , it was the Summer Hols
but I never forgot it so I learnt my lesson ;p-0)

[LoftyLottie]

That is horrible McMouse - the 'playing dead' bit. How frightening. Just plain mental cruelty. Worse than smacking!!

[MissCommando]

Forgot to say that I have more respect for parents who tell their children off rather than let them run riot. I really cringe at people like my sister in law who won't raise her voice as she doesn't want to upset her 2 and a half year old brat.

I'd much rather be seen telling my daughter off in public then either let them carry on with it or say "ooh Jenny, don't do that darling" in a sickly sweet voice that the child ignores.

[ummmm]

I was a naughty hyper child....but had respect for my elders.

[horseshoes]

Perhaps I'm a bit out of touch, but a Laptop at 9! Is that usual? My son is 33 and I can remember him asking for a £100 Kappa shell suit (yes - remember them). £100 - it was more than the mortgage payment. I said no. He sulked and I stuck to my guns. Has he suffered from that - NO. Friends of ours used to get into debt every Christmas to buy their children things they couldn't afford. I never saw the point. As for a "good hiding" - yes Bobbi - it certainly was a phrase used for a smack when I was a child in the 50s and 60s. Once when I was being particularly cheeky my Mum clouted me with a packet of digestive biscuits she had in her hand, and what a mess they made. We both ended up laughing! OPs child sounds like she needs a lot more saying NO to.It won't hurt her.

[Sqad]

redhelen........like many other parents of that ilk, your mother did what she thought was the right way to show discipline and respect.............like most things in life, you can´t win them all.