Please help! my daughter is a nightmare!!

[onlyme26]

basically my 9 year old daughter just refuses to do as she is told! im so fed up now i dont know what to do, i shout at her, then i always end up feeling guilty and shouting does nothing!!
i send her to her room she refuses to go, i litterally have to drag her there and then she just comesstraight backout!!

i need some tips and ideas on how to control her!

she isnt bad all the time, i mean i would say she is naughty 3 out of 7 days, she is lovely when she wants to be.,its just when i ask her to do somehting and she doesnt want to she really really kicks off about it!

i have tried the charts and giving her treats for good bahaviour but doest ever last she gets fed up and starts being naughty again :(:(

[Sqad]

McMouse...similar experience to you except that was smacked as a child.....as every child was in those days.
I had 4 boys, 2 were never smacked, and the other were smacked when necessary.

The grandchildren? I have no idea.......not my business.

All four boys were respectful and I couldn´t care less whether it was out of fear or true respect. To me the end justified the means.

[Sqad]

lofty
<<Do you t hink it's OK Sqad for children to hit other kids or to hit their parents<<
No, I don´t, but there were always fights at school........but bullying anecdotally seems more common now than then.

<<Why is it OK for a parent to punish a child by hitting them. <<<
Because in my opinion that is one of the many ways of teaching them discipline and respect..........in my opinion.

[NOX]

why would you want a kid to think you're a violent out of control bully though Squad, who can't find ananswer to anyone behaving in a way he doesn't like without turning to violence? That's the bit I really don't get with the hitting brigade, do you not realise how you appear to the child in question? Do you not understand the example you're setting to a kid ' If you don't do what I want, I'm going to hurt you, because I am bigger and stronger than you are and I can'- THAT is no way to parent imho.

[LoftyLottie]

Exactly NOX!

[Bobbisox]

Spare the rod and spoil the child
Luckily I never had to do this and neither does she to her own child?
so, she did not see it from me and follows my example I hope

[craft1948]

I smacked my daughter when everything else failed and she soon learned where to draw the line. This was when she was of an age to understand the difference between right and wrong which a 9 year old obviously would.
My daughter has grown up to be a well-balanced adult of whom I am enormously proud, and we love each other very much. She recalls being smacked (not thrashed) and says she deserved it.

[Sqad]

nox.....read the question again from onlyme..........she has tried almost all advice from the over 100 posts and it has not made a blind bit of difference to her daughter.

I don´t care what my child thinks of me or my methods, as to me, it is essential that the child is taught discipline and obedience and if you can do that without smacking, then I am all for it, but if one cannot, as is the case here, then in my opinion smacking is justifiable...............in my opinion.

[Bobbisox]

mine would have went to school in her knickers..if she kicked off about the skirt!

[Sqad]

craft...in my definition smacked and thrashed are synonymous ( words used by my grandma and grandad) However, it does serve a purpose as the ant corporal punishment use the term "thrashing" and the pro corporal punishment sue the term "hitting"

I use the terms as synonymous for the reasons I have given.

P.S Some anti corporal punishment enthusiasts even use the phrase " beat up"

[tinkie]

I have never smacked my children, they are now 20 & 21, I have never had your problem, but if they ever played up I refused to speak them rather than shouting, and that hurt them more

[NOX]

Squad- I've read the question and responded accordingly, and that advice if it's adhered to stringently WILL work. The last post was directed at you in resonse to what you had said, as it never ceases to amaze me how the hitters think they've won and got a result when a kid suddenly stops playing up because they're scared shirtless of you- only leading to bigger and badder problems later on. If someone is happy for their kids to be afraid of them then frankly I would question if it's a good idea ofr them to have become parents at all.

[Sqad]

nox.....wooooow!!!

<<If someone is happy for their kids to be afraid of them then frankly I would question if it's a good idea ofr them to have become parents at all.<<

You have taken the high moral ground.

Good luck

[cazzz1975]

I cant believe he has spent much of today stalking this thread. I respect you ratter.

[LoftyLottie]

Violence is wrong and violence against a child is even more wrong in my opinion. And hitting a child is violent.

To me an adult hits a child as an outlet for their own annoyance and frustration. So it is for the benefit of the parent and not for the good of the child.

In one family that I know very well who have a lot of children, the parents hit and screamed at the children and the children all hit and screamed at each other. It was a way of life. The kids were only doing what their parents did, so you couldn't blame them for violent behaviour.

[Sqad]

redhelen.....just to remind you of what I wrote above



<<<Sqad
craft...in my definition smacked and thrashed are synonymous ( words used by my grandma and grandad) However, it does serve a purpose as the ant corporal punishment use the term "thrashing" and the pro corporal punishment sue the term "hitting" <<<

[anneasquith]

psst, doc. a blue light ambulance has just turned up at your surgery, best get over there ASAP .

[NOX]

Yes Squad, I have taken the moral highground on this through grim personal experience and am happy to do so, so just in case anyone didn't catch what I said the first time,
' If you think it's acceptable for a child of yours to be AFRAID of you, then you should not have become a parent because you are unsuitable'- got that?

[Sqad]

nox....indeed I have.

[craft1948]

I smacked my child but I don't think she was ever afraid of me..........some people obviously think this is wrong but considering how she's turned out I'm quite happy with my parenting skills.