15 year old girl and a 30 year old man

[mrs_overall]

Scenario: a 15 year old girl is having a sexual relationship with a 30 year old man. It only comes to light when the girl plays truant and her parents report her missing. The Police find her on her way home and when quizzed, she spills the beans. The Police cannot prosecute the man because the girl refuses to make a statement.
However, the Police are refusing to go see or even phone the man to speak to him about the relationship. It is almost as if they are condoning the matter. Do you think at the very least he should receive a warning?

[jackthehat]

D'oh !!

D'you know that some days I only open my mouth to turn my feet over..........:o(

[mike11111]

I believe that it is a defence if the man honestly believed that the girl was over the age of consent. It is not available if the girl is under a certain age, 14 I think but am not sure.
As the girl has stated that she told the man she was 18 I can't see any prosecution succeeding in this instance.

[B00]

ok, im probably going to incur someone's wrath here, not least of all yours Mrs O, so i'll apologise in advance....

But if she is disabled an vulnerable, should she really be in situations without supervision where she can meet and then subsequently sleep with anyone, let alone people of 30?

[sara3]

I have to say, if he doesn't sound like a nutter I'd go round and have a word with him.. or send someone else to do it.

but I think that's all you can do.

and have a stern word with her.. she could have put herself in danger. I hope you can trust her that it's all over with now.

[redcrx]

"She might look older but she is still 15, disabled and vunerable"

he may be 30 but he thought he was seeing an 18 year old, he may well be a decent and pleasant guy who is now scared sh1tless than hes going to be in bother for dating someone he thought to be an adult.

[mrs_overall]

Boo, she met him in the local shop.

I don't want him prosecuted, but I would have liked Plod to have a word but it's not going to happen.

She is grounded for the next 100 years

[Ellipsis]

As I read it, Mrs O's original question remains unanswered:

>> However, the Police are refusing to go see or even phone the man to speak to him about the relationship. It is almost as if they are condoning the matter. Do you think at the very least he should receive a warning?

Yes, I do. For example, in today's news there's an example of police sending out warning letters:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/...th-yorkshire-13440103

If this guy has dated underage girls before, or if he'll do it again, I believe some kind of record needs to be kept so the police can determine whether his excuses of "I didn't realise" were wearing a bit thin...

[B00]

I don't see why he should be spoken to at all Mrs O, despite your indignation, sorry. The guy thought she was 18, he's probably cut to bits to find out she's really 15 and like Red says, worried to death. He's done nothing wrong at all, he should be left well alone, especially by your daughter!

Now back to what im confused about- if she is disabled and vulnerable as you said, why was she given this freedom to have the opportunity to sleep with him? Where she met him is irrelevant, unless you mean she met him in a shop and immediately went somewhere with him for sex?

[mrs_overall]

Thank you for that Ellipsis

[cazzz1975]

have to agree with boo here.

[B00]

Mrs O's original question did not remain unanswered at all, at least two of us addressed that.

[mrs_overall]

Being honest, that's probably what happened Boo. She is going through a very promiscuous phase which I think is linked to her self esteem which is rock bottom

[cazzz1975]

does she have learning difficulties mrs o?

[B00]

Ahhh right, so it was a one off? they only slept together the once? How was that poor bloke to know she was only 15 if they only met once and she said (and looked) she was older?

I can imagine how angry you are Mrs O, but maybe some of us, as outsiders can see it from this guys point of view as well.

Hope your daughter soon gets out of this phase soon , they're ace teenagers aren't they? <grins>

[mike11111]

I was going to say that what would make a difference is if the man were in a position of trust as regards the girl, e.g. teacher, social worker, medical professional, but this would not appear to be the case if she met him in a shop. Also, depending on the severity of the disability, the courts have ruled in some instances that the girl is incapable of giving consent, regardless of age, but this is done on a case by case basis.

[B00]

should she have been on her own then?

[cazzz1975]

that was my point as well mike, if she did have learning difficulties it may have been apparent to the guy when he met her.

[Mamyalynne]

MrsO a very tough situation, but I think all you can now do is draw a line under it. Try as hard as you can to instil into her how dangerous it could have been as I am sure you already have. I speak as a mother of two girls and recall those difficult days.

[Ellipsis]

OK cazz and B00, if it transpired this was the sixth (or tenth, or twentieth) underage girl he'd slept with without realising, would that make a difference to you? It would to me.

I fully agree that "he may well be a decent and pleasant guy who is now scared sh1tless than hes going to be in bother for dating someone he thought to be an adult". Fair enough, in that case a simple warning with no criminal record would be reasonable, which is all I'm suggesting! Rather than nothing at all, which may well, even if he hasn't done this before, give him the idea that he could do it again.

And if he wasn't so decent and pleasant, and the police could see a history of warnings, they would then be able to deal with it a bit differently ...

[B00]

no, sorry, if he believed that all of the girls he dated were legally ok to sleep with then no, i still don't believe he should be spoken to.

He might like young looking girls, that to me is totally different to actually sleeping with true underage girls.

Where this issue now gets a bit fuzzy is whether Mrs O's daughter is too vulnerable to make these kind of decisions, and im sorry but if she's not, then perhaps her freedom should be curtailed so that this doesn't happen again.