Am I Being Unfair?

Budlet | 20:39 Sat 03rd Jan 2015 | Family & Relationships

48 Answers

Ok. So it was my birthday on new years day. It was a big one - my 50th. I have been with my husband for 32 years and thought he knew me well. He knew I didn't want a party. I was so upset at what he bought me. Some sweets and a paperback book!! I didn't even get a birthday cake. When I mentioned it to him he said "you always organise cakes and stuff, I didn't think". That sums it up really. There was no thought gone into it at all. Do I tell him how upset I am or just let it fester?

On Behalf Of Bert And Graham

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anneasquith

tell him, festering is bad for you .

Prudie

I'd have thought after 38 years together you'd know by now if he needed promoting to do something special. Presumably neither of you ever do much for birthdays?

ummmm

Tell him in a calm manner and decide as a couple what you can do to make for it.

Prudie

Prompting and 32 :-\

EcclesCake

What were you expecting or hoping for?

Is this a typical gift from him?

DaisyNonna

If you don't tell him he won't realise and will never be any different.

Retrochic

What are you upset about? Is it the fact he didn't get you a cake or the fact your present was not good enough? Favourite sweets and a book you've been waiting to read? or a bag of cheap sweets from the corner shop and a book you've never heard of. Decide what really miffed you then just tell him.

Maydup

Please forgive him! You can't change him and you can't turn back the clock so telling him will only upset you both.

Instead organise a special day for you both, an evening out or a weekend away that he just wouldn't be capable of pulling off. Accept that he got the wrong end of the stick and thought that no party meant no fuss. Big fail, but its best to put it behind you and plan a good time yourself and something to look forward to in the weeks ahead.

gness

Never let it fester....you'll suffer....just use a little humour....

Find some places you would like to go for a long weekend away....get all the brochures for hotels....things to do etc.....gift wrap them and give them to him.....with instructions he's to do all the booking and surprise you....

Remind him that he can arrange a champagne and chocolate hamper on arrival for your belated special birthday......♥

Just make sure you have the perfume and some nice undies ready for your surprise trip......☺

VHG

Has he always been like this, never making much fuss or organizing things?

If he has always been like that then he is not going to change now after 32 years.

I have a close female relative who did a lot for her husband, special treats at birthdays, organizing their holidays etc etc.

Then about 4 years ago she asked him to organize a special treat for her on mothers day (they have 2 children) but he did nothing.

She was so annoyed that on mothers day she brought fish and chips for her and their kids and came round to our house to eat them.

From that point on she has done almost nothing for him, he just did not appreciate it.

She now goes on holiday without him (just her and the kids, usually with us), comes round to our house on Xmas day and other days (Easter etc) without him, goes out with her female friends for nights out, she has just pushed him out of her life.

You either have to accept your husband the way he is, or give up expecting anything from him and make your own life.

If he has always been like this he will never change, some men just don't know how to show they appreciate their partners..

BlackadderV

Clearly, after 32 years, you have still not mastered the art of dropping very heavy hints.

Maydup

PS Best Belated Birthday wishes and Happy New Year.

Retrochic

with men you have to just tell it like it is. This year with pressies I gave OH two lists -one of things I would just love to have -and a longer list of things I would not like and he was banned from buying. Seriously this year was the best Xmas for pressies from him I've ever had. Some men just don't get 'hints'. Tell him why you are annoyed and then tell him what he has to do to un-annoy you ;-)

Budlet

Question Author

It is difficult having a birthday on a bank holiday but I expected something more. Last year (organised by my son) he took me for afternoon tea at the Ritz. We don't tend to do much for birthdays but as this was a special one I thought he would at least have made an effort. A piece of jewellery or a weekend away. Something memorable. Actually having thought about it some more, I am going to go next week and buy myself something really nice and tell him that's what he has bought me. It's not the same though.

Mamyalynne

You state 'We don't normally do much fo Birthdays' - that is exactly what he's done.

As said sometimes hints are needed to jog them along, I wouldn't let it fester at all.

Tilly2

No Budlet, it isn't the same and if you don't tell your husband that you are upset, things will continue in the same vein. Just let him know how disappointed you are and suggest ways in which he can make it up to you.

Retrochic

Budlet if you do that you are facilitating his behavior. A least both go and choose a nice peice of jewelry and you can then watch him wince when he sees the price tag ;-)