sleepovers

[bubbly2000]

My daughter & her boyfriend are both 16 and have been together for a year. They are very smitten. She approached me recently and said they had been talking and wants to go on the pill, as they don't want to take risks as they are both very career orientated and have clear goals which they want to acheive. She asked if he could stay over, to which I agreed. She sleeps with me and he has the spare bed. Before I agreed to her staying at his, I met his family and they are nice respectable hardworking people. So everything should be fine, however, I have a partner of 3 yrs who does not live with me, and hes blown his top about the sleepovers, as he dosen't agree with kids having partners to stay under parents roofs. I suggested a compromise, that I wouldn't allow him to stay over on a night when he stayed, but he said no, not any night, regardless if it was out night or not. So wer'e at a stale mate and its causing so much tension. Help..Am I being a slack mother, I don't think I am, but would be grateful for anyones opinion

[ladyalex]

OK
He's critical, verbally abusive, would prefer your daughter not to stay in your house and won't stay at your parents' house.
Bin him .

[sara3]

wow.. what do you like about him?

seriously, tell me how he makes you feel good about yourself.

[brenda]

Bubbly--think this man as has been said has serious issues on sexual morality in this scenario. Do not think it is just being a little out of tune with modern times.This confrontation about sleeping arrangements may be the start of behaviour in him about which you know little. You have much to consider here I think , not just who sleeps where .Exercise caution in your judgement on this man-- he may not be quite as you think although you have been together sometime.Sorry not to be more helpful.

[dizmouk2009]

I had similar problems except it was my dad and his wife both being evil....

[bubbly2000]

I think your right, its not an issue with my daughter, its him with the issues, but I have no idea why, i'll have to decide how I'm going to resolve it.

[sara3]

I know this is a bit off track, and you don't need to actually answer it but are you sleeping with him? if not, is that what you want from a relationship? if you are, this is terrible hypocrisy from him.

as I said, no need to answer.. just something to think on. I wish you lots of luck x

[dizmouk2009]

There's only one way to do that bubbly, get him to talk about his past life (if he will) and see if you can get to the cause.

[bubbly2000]

sara3...I'd like him to be more complimentary, but its not in his nature. I hadn't seen him for a few days as we'd both been poorly so i visited him last night and he didnt greet me with a kiss or anything, he just said "youv'e had ur hair cut, its horrible" then later he said he loves me. He does confuse me sometimes, i must admit

[bubbly2000]

Sara3....we do but not very often. He's very reserved in that department. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he says hes to old to learn (wer'e both 46) the thing i miss most are kisses.

[bubbly2000]

poodicat...he wants a future. He wants to move in with me, but I said he has to get divorced first. His ex won't divorce him out of spite and he won't push the issue as she threatens to stop access to the youngest

[dizmouk2009]

This is going to sound so awful:

I think your stupid for being with him, I can't really summarise it any other way. You ask 200 couples if they would stick around after someone said "your hair looks terrible", and didn't have a good reason for saying it. Combined with everything else that this poor excuse of a man is doing, poodicat is right, he's going to drain the life out of you and make you feel absolutely - lifeless.

[MarkRae]

> he says hes to old to learn (wer'e both 46)

That's one of the stupidest things I've ever seen on AB, and that's saying something!

I'm also 46, by the way...

[dizmouk2009]

I bet his wife devorced him - bet she can't wait to see the back of him. Have you ever met his wife or seen her? is she still mentally stable or does she have a custom made straight jacket?

[ChuckFickens]

and he is still married...

He is either a freak, or this is a windup!

[MarkRae]

> He is either a freak, or this is a windup!

I'm starting to wonder if this is a windup too...

I'm sure everyone has encountered at least one woman who seems to almost enjoy domestic degradation and is either too frightened or too stupid to do anything about it, but this really is beyond the pale...

[bubbly2000]

dizmook2009....They say love is blind, however my name isn't love and I'm not blind, however I do know he has had a terrible life, abusive father etc and I wanted to show him the nicer, calmer, non violent, quiet peaceful, normal life we lead. Unfortunately he says we don't live in the real world. My problem is I don't think I can get anyone else. Pathetic, I know