Presidential Candidate Mimics A Sex Act
Society & Culture2 mins ago
Yesterday I went to the wedding of a couple of young stable hands.
Made a lovely bridle and groom.
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Marcel Marceau and Charlie Chaplin both knew how to leave audiences speechless.
I guess great mimes think alike.
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Had a brain Wave today, I've created an App to Ease Insomnia and called it 'Slumber'.
It let's you talk to other really boring people until you fall asleep.. it's on Line Sedating"
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I was dating the female uk fencing champion.
Now I just want to forget the whole sworded affair.
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I took four tyres to a friend’s garage sale and was asking £35 apiece. I needed to step away for a bit so I asked him to watch them for me.
"Sure," he said, "but just in case someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"
"Try for more, but I will accept £20 each," I said, and left.
When I returned, my tyres were gone. "How much did you get for them?" I asked excitedly.
"Twenty quid each."
"Who bought them?"
"I did!"
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Scientists say that it may be possible to live on Mars…I tried it for a month and put on three stone!
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I was in a Café happily dipping my biscuits in other people's tea and they called the police...
Said I was Dunkin' disorderly.
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Wife: Whatcha doing?
Me: Nothing.
Wife: You did that yesterday.
Me: Yes, but I wasn't finished.
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