Should My Engagement Be Broken Off?

[Youngmom19]

Let me start by saying, my fiancé isn't a bad person. He doesn't physically abuse me, he loves me endlessly, and he loves my 4 year old daughter to the moon and back.
But our relationship is empty. 3 years ago we met: he had been divorced for almost 3 years with two kids, and I was a young single mom of a 1 year old. Everything moved so fast! Within 2 months he began spending every night at my house, and then he was laid off and unofficially moved in when he lost his apartment.
He struggled with work for 2 years. For 2 entire years, bosses screwed him over, or he got himself fired, and I had to support our entire household. (And we had moved to a bigger place with bigger bills once it was official that we were living together. Bills I could not afford to pay by myself while in university.) but we managed to struggle onwards. During this 2 year stretch he proposed to me. But with all of these financial woes, our relationship was under a lot of strain, and the wedding was put on the back burner. I thought it would get better as the stressors in our life lessoned.

It hasn't gotten better though!
Fast forward to the present. He is working. We have paid off about 65% of his debt in collections. (Thanks to my budgeting) But it's always a struggle, he bought a new car when he has $15,000 in collections still. He has absolutely no money management skills and constantly takes my debit and credit cards and empties my accounts.
Our relationship lacks emotional and mental stimulation. He actually has said to me that he thinks it's perfectly normal if we only have a conversation once a week. None of our conversations are intellectually deep. I find myself needing to be out with friends 3-4 times a week just to get some kind of stimulation! And I work full-time as well, so we both have that load on our shoulders as well as raising the kids.
His hygiene is completely lacking. I find myself repulsed when he touches me.
I do all of the housework, all of the cooking, etc and I've became resentful. I've tried to explain to him why I'm feeling this way, and he just won't hear it! I feel so, so empty.

I don't know if I am just crazy or if this relationship is doomed. But I need more out of life then what I have now!!

I've been battling with this for a couple of months. I can't bring myself to make a definitive decision just based solely on my own thoughts.

So, help a girl out, what are your thoughts?

[maggiebee]

Would appear to be a very one sided relationship. You do all the work and he reaps the rewards. Was his new car really a priority? Could you sit down and weigh up all the pros and cons and make your decision then?

[ummmm]

The first time someone emptied my account would be the last time.

Do you love him? Can you live your life with someone who repulses you? Can you live your life with someone so selfish a car was more important than clearing the debts you've been working hard to pay?

[Orangy]

Sounds to me like you have 3 kids not two.
It would be unfair to you. your kids and even Mr Smelly to continue with this relationship. You just don't marry someone that you find repulsive. It will hurt and put you back on your own (no debts though) but think down the line...a messy divorce and perhaps several more years of putting up with this uncommunicative, uncaring and selfish man before you do the inevitable.

[ummmm]

And a thief...unless, of course, you gave him permission to empty your accounts.

[pusskin]

I really do think you deserve so much better. Get out now before he drives you to a break down.

[mccfluff]

what does he do with your money?

sounds like a fairly one sided relationship, I'd just get rid, read your OP back the first sentence is positive the rest is all negative and there is a lot of it....

[Sqad]

Many wives/partners, whatever they are called today are not in love with their other half, can't stand them, are repulsed by them........plenty.
But the main question is..........is it better than the unknown alternative? Out of the fire into the frying pan, comes to mind, although....you might strike lucky....;-)

\\\\But I need more out of life then what I have now!! \\\

Exactly.........then have you got what it takes to go out and get it?

[naomi24]

If you're asking the question, you've answered it.

[maggiebee]

I have re-read your post.

//Our relationship lacks emotional and mental stimulation. He actually has said to me that he thinks it's perfectly normal if we only have a conversation once a week.//

Do you think this is normal? He sounds like a taker and, although I hate to give advice as I'm not in your shoes, I would change my bank accounts, pick up your child and get out of this toxic raltionship. Thank your lucky stars that you aren't actually married.

[woofgang]

Leave. Now.
The bit I find most worrying is this
"I don't know if I am just crazy or if this relationship is doomed"
If he is making you doubt yourself, he is a manipulator of the first order and a dangerous man.

[Youngmom19]

Thank you everyone for your answers! I feel more at ease that other people share my point of view, because he makes me feel crazy! last week as I was telling him how I felt, he said to me, "well, you just have it so rough here, don't you?" And it made me feel guilty.

[ummmm]

You do have it rough. Sounds like you're being completely neglected and taken advantage of.

[maggiebee]

//last week as I was telling him how I felt, he said to me, "well, you just have it so rough here, don't you?"//

No you don't! You're worth more than this piece............

[MallyJ]

It is this bad now.... what will it be like in 5 years, 10 years? Go whilst you have the energy because if you continue to get put down you will waste your life, lose your self respect and he will teach your children that it all right to treat people as their own slave and bank... and to steal from them ... please go

[Jennykenny]

As Dr Phil used to say "The only thing worse than staying three years with this loser, is staying three years and one day." Get out now.

[B00]

didn't need to read the looooong post by you youngmom19.

If you're asking whether to call of the engagement off a bunch of strangers the answer is obviously "yes".

[ladyalex]

For goodness sake bin this loser now.
Listen to yourself.....'he doesn't physically abuse me'....when did that become a reason to be in a relationship with someone? That's not a positive, it's a given.
Would you want someone to stay with you because you didn't hit them?

He's a taker. Get rid asap.

[KatherineClaire]

It sounds like you are not happy when you are with him. My advice, you'd better break up with him before it gets worse.

[TWR]

Get shut of him.