The Mammogram

[marval]

This time, I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear? ''

I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.'

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?''

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door.

'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this machine alone are you?' I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you will be fine, the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'

Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how John and Paul, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings, John (or possibly Paul) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calm as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.'!

'You bet, take care' John replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the supermarket.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'



And that, Your Honour, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.

[zebo]

Mammograms are no joke! Always thought that if a man had to have his appendage clamped into a toasted sandwich machine and have it rotated through 90 degrees, the design would quickly be improved.

[marval]

I agree zebo, they are most uncomfortable.

[tonyav]

Always thought that if a man had to have his appendage clamped into a toasted sandwich machine and have it rotated through 90 degrees, the design would quickly be improved.


Ohhhhh, wince wince.

[Canary42]

Why hasn't a woman designed a better one then ?

[marval]

I wish somebody would Canary, maybe I should have a think about that.