Lack of confidence

[Soph20]

I am 20 and lack confidence. How can I get some and quick? People say I will get more confident with age but I feel I should be more confident now. Like in my work as administrator I am sometimes too self concious to phone people and this stops me getting my work done.
I have been doing this job for 4 years and don't feel like I have gained much confidence at all. Anyone else in the same boat or can anyone reassure me. Many thanks

[4getmenot]

If you've been in that job for 4 yrs and still cant phone people then I think you really need a new job. I dont know what could help you really, you are still quite young but maybe try joining some clubs

[bednobs]

don't worry, I have bags of confidence except when it comes to the phone. I NEVER answer it! Even at home, if im there by myself i simply cant do it!

[SKA]

Hey my names Soph too!!

so back to your question, I used to hate calling people up too so email everytime I get the chance, but now I'm kinda getting used to calling people - it's not like they can see me (and I've been told I have a nice voice( lol))
what dont you like about talking to people on the phone?

btw I always used to practise what I was going to say but now I just force myself to go with the flow!!

[mormess]

Hi Soph

20 is young! I'm 32 and still hate phoning people. What you have to remember is that if they don't want to take your call, they won't. Pick up the phone and start dialling before you have time to think about it.

It's very hard to be confident. i do a lot of networking for my business and I have to walk into a room on my own and start talking to people. Just try and act it out. On the phone, pretend you're Joanna Lumley (my favourite) and it might be easier.

Life is sometimes an act. And remember, if someone is rude to you on the phone, seems abrupt, or doesn't return your calls, it's not personal. As long as you're polite, sound happy on the phone and speak clearly and not too quietly, people will enjoy talking to you.

Try and do things that take you out of your comfort zone. Walk up to someone you don't know (someone who looks more shy than you are) and start talking to them. Admit you're shy too, and watch them open up. Try karaoke - it's a good way to lose inhibitions (don't get drunk beforehand, that's not confidence!).

Ask friends to help you. Ask them how you come across to other people. Try some role plays with them - ask them to be the person on the other end of the phone and see how they respond to you.

There's no "should" about it. Confidence doesn't come naturally to everyone. Even people who seem confident are quietly quaking in their boots, but they've learned some tricks to get over it.

Good luck!

[Marijn]

Have you got any colleges near you that offer courses for adults? Thye will probably offer Confidence Building courses and Assertiveness training. Everyone on the course will be in the same boat as you, that will be reassuring for a start.

[Soph20]

Thanks for your reply forgetmenot. I can phone people but I am self concious and I don't like when its really quiet and people can hear me talking. Sometime I will put off phoning someone when there is no need just because I don't feel confident enough at that particular time. Is there any hope for me? I am going to start a couple of courses in Sept at college so that might help. I read self help books but I find that is just a temporary solution.

[4getmenot]

I guess I used to be like that but now I chat away to them, they are just people on other end they cant see you at all. Why are you scared, is it that you are scared other work people are judging your performance?

[4getmenot]

How about hypnotherapy to help?

[tazz]

hi im the same as u soph but i dont just get the phone prob i get it with everything. never feel good enough in what i wear the way i look nothing. im tiny n feel like every1s always mocking me. just dont let ur confidence slip anymore if u can cos i cant get out of it feels like im trapped

[4getmenot]

tazz you shouldnt feel like that, is there any help you can get like counselling?

[Soph20]

Thanks for your replies everyone.

I just hate the fact that people can hear what I say in the office and like if the person on the other end of the phone says something chatty I don't want to be chatty back because I just want to say as little as possible. This probably comes across as slightly rude which makes me feel bad cus its not that I am trying to be rude, I am just shy to say it.

I also feel like a robot when I phone people cus a lot of the calls what I have to say is quite repetitive.

[tazz]

not sure how that would help i was ment to do that. im sick of feeling like it really am

[4getmenot]

Then try it out, what harm can it do, you will never get anywhere if you dont try.

[funnygirl]

In my office, we all hate using the phone and everytime it rings we sit there looking at each other!!

[legend006]

Invest in tony robbins personal power course.
Im usually sceptical of such stufff but he is very succesful , and if youre as introverted as you say then im sure it could help you even if only a little .


DID THIS HELP ?

[tazz]

but the dreaded question to start it will b what started this n i really dont know. i want to give it a go but i aint got the confidence to do it if u know what i mean. im in a rut

[4getmenot]

believe me if you dont know they will soon find a reason and you will think oh my god yes yes thats it

[tazz]

cant think of any thing thats done this to me thou. just feels like ill never like being me.

[Soph20]

Sorry if I take ages to reply. Trying to be sociable in the office as well.

It's nice to hear that other people have similar problems and its not just me. How old is everyone?

Taz, you should not be feeling like this. I do feel for you because I sometimes feel trapped but it sounds like you are feeling much worse hun. Perhaps a counsellor would be a good idea?

[4getmenot]

but thats the thing tazz most of the time you wont know yourself until the counsellor starts digging deep. Sorry for highjacking the post soph, I am 30 and used to be quite shy but not now, I guess I just got more confident with age, most people cant shut me up now, I;m making up for it :-)