Night Out

[Tara999]

If you were cohabiting or even married - would you let your partner go clubbing with there friends without you ?
Is it acceptable to have time apart from each other to have a night out with the girls?
Need some answers before I crack up...

[monkeyeyes]

Of course it is perfectly acceptable !

Would you care to expand on the detail ?

[Richie1976]

Most definitely.

[Tara999]

So I thought, my partner is going ballistic as i have arranged a girly night out - and I know he is feeling very insecure with it all, he thinks men will 'hit on me' in a club and he really does not want me to go, he has not stopped me - but he is worried about me going off with some bloke. How can I reassure him ?

[leewayne]

Course she is,she her own person, my partner lets me go out,all hes worried about is me walking home on my own which i dont do.As zacsmaster said it is essential for a healthy relationship.I dont see her going out with her friends a problem,if you say no,she'll run a million miles away from you

[tiny e.a]

Well he's right, men probably will hit on you. So what though? I'd tell him that he should have much more respect for you than he does if he thinks you'd go off with someone just cos they try it on.

[leewayne]

You shouldnt have to reassure him he should trust you. Just say you only have eyes for him,and that your coming back home to him,nobody else

[Englishbird]

There is only so much you can do to reassure him. If he has insecurity issues then he needs to deal with them. What you mustn't do is back down, you need to set a precident and show him that it's ok. Speak to him rationally about it. Does he trust you? Have you ever given him any reason not to? Does he believe that you love him? Why does he feel that you may go off with someone - is it because he doesn't feel as though he's good enough? If you can find the real reason he's freaking out, you may be able to answer his questions.

But ultimately, you cannot be in a healthy relationship where you have to do everything together. It is good to spend some time apart, and please don't go out and feel guilty about it all night, you're not doing anything wrong and he needs to deal with it.

Hope you have a good time!

[monkeyeyes]

Remain firm. Don't be drawn into any argument about it. If one starts, walk away otherwise you will be establishing a pattern of behaviour for him every time you want to go out.
You can ONLY reassure him by not doing anything 'wrong' on your nights out. Make sure you have plans to get home safely. Don't come home 'drunk as a skunk'.
Once he sees that it IS possible for you to go out with the girls and that nothing happens he ought to relax.

BUT

It IS his problem and NOT yours. Don't let him put his insecurities onto you. Providing you behave with 'honour' for yourself on your nights out, he should have no cause for complaint.

[Octavius]

As said above, of course acceptable and necessary.

I would draw the line at a week away in Ibiza, but a night out often reminds you of what is sitting at home looking forward to you getting back.

[laurence2]

100% Agree with Zacsmaster post.

Your BF should loosen up a little, otherwise one of the guys hitting on you might become a permanent fixture ie new BF.

Just as a matter of interest Tara, what if the rolls we're reversed, what he have an issue then?

[confused79]

My partner hate it when/if i go out and is just like your partner. He is always saying men will try it on with me and i say 'yeah but im with you and i dont want them', but no that never works, i had the same with my ex husband they are nightmares.

My partner is away for 2 weeks so i can go out and its tuff, but i didnt say that to him he knows he does not 'own me' so to speak and need to socialise with the girlies thats what you need to tell him, if he loves you he should trust you its all a part of a good relationship.

[Tara999]

Excellent advice thank you! He is now saying as long as i dont go out on a saturday night....its ok.

[spk~]

he needs to relax- dont put up with his jealousy, have a fun night out ! :)

[confused79]

What? you are joking? /... aren't you?

[laurence2]

He dosen't want much {you staying in on a saturday night}.


Next, your get the ok from him to join Mecca for the midweek dinnertime bingo sessions!!

[confused79]

whats the difference anyway, friday saturday, sunday it doesnt matter what night you go out.

[Tara999]

Laurence2 - I have asked him that I would not mind if he were to have a night out, but he replied that he hates clubs and most of his mates go to a lap dancing club and that it would not be right for him to go to a lap dance club if he is a relationship. I cant win can I ?

[confused79]

You can win...
That is his choice not to like lap dancing clubs, it should not be 'if i dont go to them you shouldnt', At the end of the day you are not one person, you and him are 2 seperate people beit your in a relationship but you are not joint at the hip, you should have some freedom, so to speak to spend time apart, as well as spend good times together.

[Richie1976]

I'd be upset if my girlfriend went out and never got hit on. Means I'm going out with a dog!