Having an affair...

[purpose]

I'm doing some research for a book (fiction) and am curious to know whether the 'average person' EVER finds the idea of an affair* between 2 consenting adults acceptable/understandable.

*Affair meaning one or both are in a relationship, married or otherwise, with someone else.

Obviously, those that do partake MUST find them acceptable - but is it generally only those who partake?

Any/all opinions would be greatly received. Thankyou.

[Loosehead]

It depends on the situation. I mean there must be people who find themselves in loveless relationships, who, for whatever reason stay but seek love elsewhere. Or just that one sides needs are greater than the other and that is the only sticking point. I think it is possible to love more than one person and often that means juggling the situation so that neither of the objects of affection are hurt.

Generally I think there are curcumstances where affair's are understandable

[Octavius]

I would answer but I am not an average person so I guess that excludes me.

[Katie~77]

I personally would never have an affair. If I no longer loved my husband enough to stay faithful to him, then I would end our marriage.x

[kazzianne]

what about if two people were having an affair and both their partners were very very ill,and they also didnt love them,but they couldnt leave them because of the illness?

[FTVS]

Obviously were the parties spouse's cognisant and approving then it woud not be a problem.

i coudl possibly see a situation where say someone's spouse had an accident and was perhaps physically or mentally incaple of havimg sex being understandable.

Otherwsie , no , get divorced or sort it out

[noxlumos]

Certainly I think a lot of affairs are acceptable and/or understandable.You don't know someone until you live with them and as the posters above have said there are many good reasons people have affairs, so I think most people would not be overly judgmental.

[caz21]

I have cheated on a boyfriend when i was younger, which taught a valuable lesson! a) i was never in love with him in the first place (which i thought i was!) b) why be with someone who doesn't make you happy (not saying that is the only reason) c) It hurts everyone involved especially me! (he never found out as i didnt want to hurt him)

So, in marriage i would never cheat on my husband as i know how it makes you feel - as katie77 says i would have to leave first! It is selfish to have an affair! you are not thinking of the other person! (presuming they are of sound mind, not disabled or in a coma etc. as that is probably very different) IMO

[dancealot13]

Yes. I think there are definetely certain situations that would make an affair acceptable. There are also many factors that can prevent people from getting a divorce even if it is desired.

One of the most beautiful movies that portrays a situation of infidelity is "Bridges Of Madison County", with Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood. It is simply fantasitc, you should rent it if you have not seen it yet. xxxcheers

[Scarlett]

I think it is okay, and can often put your relationship in perspective. I think it is unreasonable for couples to think they have to stay together forever, even though one may be completely out of order. Both my sisters have had brief affairs, and they happened when they were really unhappy in their relationship. All that happened was that it took them out of the situation, and made them more able to think what it would be like with someone else. Sometimes that makes you leave your partner, but other times it makes you appreciate what you do have. Which is necessary.

In both these cases, their partner never found out, and did not need to! It is now all in the past.

[jedimistress]

I know I would die if my partner had an affair.

[muppeteer]

have you ever met somone & you have such a strong spark & connection it is like they can see inside your soul? to be without that person is unimagionable & would make your heart ache? you involuntarily think about them all the time & their mere presence in the room makes you feel calm & complete? now imagine you are already seeing somone else that you still love & would never want to hurt & know it would just break their heart if you left them, but to just let this other new person go would break your own.....tricky.

this of course does not condone affairs as matters of the heart will never be staight forward or fair, but it makes you understand why affairs happen. so i guess yes- it can be understandable.....just not so sure about acceptable!

[purpose]

Thanks all for your views. I appreciate your time.

muppeteer... That was the thinking behind my question. Very well put.

[RebeccaSJ]

I would say it's generally not accpetd, but I can understand it sometimes.