Instant Dislike

[aka pixi]

Why is it that sometimes upon meeting someone for the first time you can take an instant dislike to them? The person doesnt have to do or say anything at all, it just happens, you meet em and you dislike em (Im asking this for a friend, it has happened to me a couple of times but I have no idea of the possible reasons for it)

[tradey]

i know what you mean,one of my friends moved and got friendly with the woman next door,ive meet her a few times and didnt like her at all,she kept looking at my as if shouldnt have been there,ive tried my best with her but have given up now i just dont like her at all shes done nothing but just cant take to her

[andy hughes]

I am sure that most of our first impressions are based some primeval senses of which we are not aware. These may include a sense of smell which we don't realise we register, which advises our brain that there is something pottentially hostile about the new person.

Joined with that may be fundamental 'dislikes' that we have stored in our subconcious, which again register, and which we do not realise are stimulated subconciously.

All these add up to a simple gut reaction, which we can overcome with time spent with the new aquaintance, but our initial reactions will always give us a 'first impression' - good or bad.

[{Dakota}]

It is a very strange thing Pixi. It doesn't happen to me personally all that often but I cannot explain to anyone why I have taken an instant dislike to anyone. I get the same kind of feelings on the internet too, which is even stranger. To say I dislike them is probably a little extreme but I can honestly say that there are people I would rather not interract with, even though I have never met them and never will. Very odd.

[KittyGlitter]

...and have you noticed that no matter how hard you try, you just never click? I always like to give people a go but sometimes you have to accept that it'll never work. First impressions really do count.

[Hermia]

That does happen to me. Sometimes when I get to know the person I find I really like them and at other times I definitely don't.

Have any of you been in the position of being the one who is instantly disliked? I've had this happen to me twice. I'm the sort of people who people tend to get on with, but I once met this woman who absolutely loathed me at first site (it was rather frightening!). She couldn't hide her feelings at all. The expression on her face was one of disgust and hatred whenever I looked at her, but she got on fine with other people. She used to make comments about my personality/behaviour that didn't bear any relation to what I'm like or my behaviour. I just came to the conclusion that maybe I reminded her of someone who had hurt her in the past and she was blinded by that.

[maggie01]

Yes my mother in law took an instant dislike to me, no matter how hard I tried I fealt I was just wasting my time. After several years I gave up and never saw her for the last 15yrs of her life. I do try not to make up my mind about someone on first meetings. Some turn out ok some don't but I guess thats life. You can't hit it off with everyone. Difference is, I don't beat myself up over it anymore

[MiniN]

Hi,

i have experienced what you are talking about and different people would attribute it to different things; sixth sense, pheromones, 'instinct', etc.

i personally think it could have something to do with body language and natural 'instinct'. but thats just my opinion.

x

[Scarlett]

I know this is controversial but I totally put it down to astrology!! I KNOW that if a girl is rather wimpy, a "man's" girl, and has nothing in common with me, she will more than likely be a Virgo. If she hates me and is blunt and unbearable she will be an Aries. If she takes no notice of me whatsoever she will be a gemini. If she is cancerian she will be lovely and super and become my new best friend. NO OFFENSE meant- this is purely how I have noticed people react WITH me! Pisces are also sweet but not quite as interested in me, and libras are lovely and easy going but a bit false. Saggitarians I never get very close to, and Scorpios are very clever- but I don't trust them! I know I generalising hugely, but this honestly never fails. If I simply don't click (or do click) with someone it is always down to what sign they are, and whether that signs gels with mine or not!!

[joko]

Some people are just naturally very judgemental, & also some are over sensitive & believe there�s been a slight where there is none

I have also had this happen to me as I work in a very competitive industry & I when its very irrational i suspect its just jealousy or fear that I�ll do a better job than them & steal their job, though I wouldn�t intend that,

It�s fight or flight reflex, & its necessary to protect ourselves because without a gut instinct we would be vulnerable to cons or attack.
In this civilised day & age & with police protection, perhaps our �judgement� gets as a bit clouded & unfounded.

My �friend� is too sensitive, she is a goth � I am not � but because i never say she looks lovely in her garb, in her eyes this in a insult & means I hate her clothes & always slag them off � I never say a word either way, because I really don�t care what she wears but to her, absence of compliment means insult � irrational & bizarre, but shes convinced.

I have also heard that one possible explanation for this is a damaged aura & reversed spinning chakras. if a chakra spins the wrong way it can unnerve people nearby, though neither will really know why & a dark or damaged aura can also give an uncomfortable gut feeling.
I know a lot will think this nonsense � but who knows?
It could be worth your friend have these things checked & realigned & cleansed �.because you never know � there are stranger things in this world -
& if nothing else it may have a positive thinking, power of the mind placebo affect which may ride her of the negative vibes that others are picking up from her.

[iluvcatz]

My instinct has been proved right time and time again. On meeting someone for the first time I either instantly like them or I don't. Its' a reaction that, according to my friends, I can't hide (a look in my eyes). When it's a dislike, the person turns out to be no good. I must add that I do give them a fair chance, usually to my detriment. So trust your insticts. I can't give a reason why it happens, maybe smell or body language. Something quite subliminal.

[dawg_kane]

its definately very strange, this has happened to me many times, but i must agree with others who have posted before me that i have trusted my own instinct and very often been correct, ive been thinking about a time when i first felt like this about someone and then found i developed a meanigful relationship of some sort with them and im afraid i dont think i can think of any!

i think alot of it goes down to experience, ive made friedns with the wrong kind and been burnt badly, i think i recognise a healthy natural chemistry between myself and someone i know im going to get on with very well now, and of course those i know i dont like...

its chemistry and its something to do with who we are and what we know makes us content...personally someone who is opinionated and loud and all me me me is deffo not going to get on with me!

[aka pixi]

Hi everyone, thanks for the brill answers, really sorry I couldnt join in (my mouse broke earlier).

Dak, I too have had the feelings on the internet sometimes(thought I was mad to be honest, so its good to know its not just me :)

Hermia, I have been in this position which was awful cos I usually get on with everyone, the person who disliked me was my boss and I felt the same about her, we worked together for over 3 years but if there was just the two of us in the office we never spoke a single word to each other unless it was to do with work.

joko, I loved your aura explanation (personally I think its something along those lines too)

Thanks again everyone :)