misunderstandings

[marval]

"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss.

"Just pop it in the corner," he said.

It took me three hours.



I've spent all afternoon getting ready for a house party.

I'm going as Hugh Laurie.


I was doing a crossword today and I said to my husband, "Six letters...another word for a broad road in a town or city? I still haven't got it!"

"Avenue?" he said

"No," I said, "I haven't, stop rubbing it in."


I was walking with my Husky this morning when we were approached by a strange looking fellow.

"That dog would make me a lovely coat!" He evilly laughed whilst rubbing his hands together.

"I doubt it mate" I replied, "He’s never even used a sewing machine."


I was in the library noisily eating a kebab when the librarian said to me, "Shhhushhh."

I replied, "No it's Doner."


When I was at school, I once had to do homework on historical landmarks of England.

I remember nearly falling to my death from the top of St Paul's Cathedral.


I've been practicing my hammer throwing ready for the Olympics.

Now I'm banned from B&Q.


My husband was flicking through holiday brochures and asked "What would you say to a short cruise?"

"I'd probably say 'can I have your autograph please Tom?'" I replied.


I was at the bar the other night nursing a beer

My nipple got quite soggy


I went to the bathroom at McDonalds and the sign said "employees must wash hands"

I waited for an hour but no-one came, so I washed my own.

[Psybbo]

:-)

[excelsior-1]

I like the first and the ninth ones

[Canary42]

Long gone are the days when you would be shushed in a library.

[owdhamer]

Called in a hotel in Scotland,asked for a room with a sea view, sea view Jimmy, was the reply.

[starone]

Tee-hee some lovely ones there.

[squarebear]

Those are the daft sort of jokes I like.

[Jemisa]

I Smell 'Tim Vine'

Some new ones there M.

LOL.

Jem