Nigella Lawson

[andy-hughes]

Given that Charles Saatchi is digging an even bigger hole for himself by trying to pass off assaulting his wife as simply attending to her personal appearence -

What would you do if your partner decided to do the same thing in a public place?

For the record, the present Mrs Hughes would have brained me with the nearest blunt object - but personally, i would not dream of invading her personal space in such a manner - in public or in private.

What do you think?

[loulou111]

Personally if a guy wanted to pick my nose i would be appalled. On the whole Nigella Charles Saatchi incident, i am keeping an open mind. She did look upset in the photographs , but by all accounts nobody intervened in the restaurant where it happened. Also she was reportedly holding his hand after , all seems a wee bit odd to me.

[albaqwerty]

A cousin divorced her husband on grounds of unreasonable behaviour.
It emerged, some years later, about his choices in the bedroom.

They were nice in public to each other. I think Mr Saatchi is a bully and nasty piece of work.

[FredPuli43]

If he was "carrying on" with another woman, his then wife would have pleaded his "adultery with a woman unknown" ( even if she was known) and he would not have contested it. That's far better for him and his image than the uncontested unreasonable behaviour. Respondents prefer to volunteer adultery as a ground for that very reason, even if none has occurred,to avoid speculation about what their unreasonable behaviour was.

[Sqad]

Just to be quite clear........if one stuffed a finger up my nose and i recounted the incident to my friend, for example, i would say "That bugger stuffed his finger up my nose"...not "That bugger invaded my personal space."

Similarly,I don't think that Nigella described the incident as "invading my personal space" but "My husband grabbed me by the throat."

I still think it is baloney.

[ludwig]

// Also she was reportedly holding his hand after , all seems a wee bit odd to me. //

An attempt to appease the abuser/bully. If I show him I love him, the behaviour will stop.

[2sp_]

loulou, I don't find it that odd that she was holding his hand afterwards. It is such a shocking thing to have happen to you.

I remember my ex attacking me in the car park at a friend's wedding. He tried to strangle me and only stopped as a car drove past. He then walked back into the reception holding my hand. I was too shocked and numb to do anything other than stumble along in a daze. He was the image of a perfect husband for the rest of the evening. I just didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I'd let myself marry a monster.

[Octavius]

I think that if you told me ludwig had used an appendage to invade your personal space sqad, I would have sought clarification. Espcially if you use the term bugger.

[Sqad]

Octavius......LOL

[andy-hughes]

naomi - "Andy, To be perfectly frank, the ‘personal space’ issue wouldn’t have occurred to me – I tend to reserve that rule for strangers."

I understand that we have personally defined boundaries in terms of strangers, whom we encounter briefly, and probably never again. So you automatically know how close is too close if you are standing on the Tube for instance.

I do think we employ respect for space even with our partners. My wife prefers to get dressed alone, and I would never dream of entering the bathroom while she is using the toilet, even though my family growing up thought nothing of doing just that, and would wander in and out at will.

I think a lot of respect for personal space (that phrase again Sqad!) grows up from unconcious signals of what is and what is not appreciated or tolerated, and we work accordingly.

It can come down to eating off someone else's plate - some people are quite happy if someone pinches a chip, others risk a fork-and-hand coincidence, again, it's personal comfort that is the rule.

Part of loving someone is to accept and respect their personal boundaries, even if they are different from your own. Charles Saatchi obviously differs frommost in his assessment of love and respect.

[naomi24]

Andy, I agree that a concept of ‘personal space’ exists. However, in cases of physical abuse, getting uppity about the invasion of my personal space would be the last thing on my mind.

[andy-hughes]

Loulou - "Personally if a guy wanted to pick my nose i would be appalled."

I don't think Nigella had any say in the matter - and that is what this debate is all about.

[jno]

OH and I have been known to brush crumbs off each other's chins, even in public. Noses would be a bit far for me... but as I say, this isn't necessarily the case for others. It's really for her to decide, not for me to decide on her behalf.

[douglas9401]

While not dreaming of invading the fragrant chefette's space is to be admired, the same tact should maybe be used when holding forth on her personal life.

[ludwig]

You may be right Douglas. Blame Saatchi though. An inevitable consequence of his weird behaviour in public is that everyone's going to be speculating about it all over the internet.

[ladybirder]

Perhaps she was holding his hand to prevent him putting it around her throat again.

[emmie]

i would leave and never come back. By the way has anyone noticed how similar in looks at least, her husband is to her father.