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BANANASPLITS

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BANANASPLITS

Specsavers.....

A Polish man goes to Specsavers for an eye test. The optician shows him a board with the letters CZWIXNOSTACZ on it and says, "Can you read that?" "Read it," says the Pole, "that's my brother in-laws...
19:31 Fri 26th Oct 20189 answers, last by retrocop 20:15 Fri 26th Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Is It To Much?

Is it to much to ask the Romans to re-invade Britain again. Someone needs to re-surface the roads !...
16:17 Fri 26th Oct 20185 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 16:37 Fri 26th Oct 2018
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Fight The Flab....

I saw a sign on a doorway it said "come on in and fight the flab ". Ive been meaning to lose weight So I went in. The flab was a 25 stone female sumo wrestler who beat the granny out of me....
12:40 Fri 26th Oct 20183 answers, last by Patsy33 18:15 Fri 26th Oct 2018
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Napkin....

I used to work in a Russian napkin factory. I was in the serviette union....
13:11 Thu 25th Oct 20183 answers, last by DTCwordfan 14:24 Fri 26th Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Sense Of Humour

My wife and I share a sense of humour. We have to because she hasn't bloody got one....
10:44 Thu 25th Oct 20183 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 15:06 Thu 25th Oct 2018
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Carvery

Just got back from local pub/carvery a lovely meal. Can't believe some of the plates of food some of the people had piled as high as they could get them ...we just put on our plates what we know we...
19:14 Wed 24th Oct 201828 answers, last by piggynose 21:08 Wed 24th Oct 2018
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My Girlfriend

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for her birthday " chanel no.5 "she said She's going to be so happy All I had to do was reinstall freeview for her!...
11:46 Wed 24th Oct 20187 answers, last by TonyV 22:11 Wed 24th Oct 2018
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Local Shop!

I couldn't find any Oxo cubes in my local shop today. They must have been out of stock....
19:12 Tue 23rd Oct 201822 answers, last by DTCwordfan 09:59 Wed 24th Oct 2018
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My Belly....

I went to My doctor and he looked at my belly this morning and said you should diet. I said what colour ?...
10:34 Sun 21st Oct 20183 answers, last by Patsy33 16:49 Sun 21st Oct 2018
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My Niece. ..

My niece has just learned how to play the mouth organ. Well done our Monica...
10:32 Sun 21st Oct 20185 answers, last by Patsy33 16:46 Sun 21st Oct 2018
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Haunting Of Hill House

Watched this...this week via Netflix we quite enjoyed it but it was very long winded ...could have been done in 3 episodes instead of 10 ....good stuff tho worth a watch...
12:32 Sat 20th Oct 20182 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 13:46 Sat 20th Oct 2018
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New £50 Note....

It has been confirmed that Dianne Abbott is to be the face on the new £43.13 note....
19:15 Fri 19th Oct 2018
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Dire Straits...

Mark Knopfler comes home carrying a large picture frame & chips Wife: What you been up to? MK: I was at the Auction & got a French Impressionist painting & I got you a chippy Wife: How much have spent...
09:17 Fri 19th Oct 20181 answer, last by Patsy33 10:53 Fri 19th Oct 2018
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Old Viagra Pill....

I tried an old Viagra pill that I found at the back of my bathroom cupboard last night and it didn't work... I think it must have been past its swell by date!...
18:51 Thu 18th Oct 201820 answers, last by GlicerinEBAG 10:49 Wed 18th Dec 2019
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Live Until Eternity....

A man tells his Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live until eternity. What should I do?" "Get married" said the Rabbi. "It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?" He said. The Rabbi...
19:08 Wed 17th Oct 20185 answers, last by retrocop 22:08 Wed 17th Oct 2018
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Got A Job....

I got a job making bullets in a gun factory. I meesed up! I was fired immediately....
13:50 Wed 17th Oct 201812 answers, last by retrocop 14:47 Wed 17th Oct 2018
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Anjem-Choudary

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6285283/Hate-preacher-Anjem-Choudary-financial-assets-FROZEN-UN.html He is to be released soon where is the £2million coming from? taxpayers money?...
10:39 Wed 17th Oct 201813 answers, last by andy-hughes 15:53 Fri 19th Oct 2018
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Mum Finds Out....!

A boy goes into a strip club and later his mum finds out and gets angry. She asks him, "Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?" The boy replies, "Yes, I saw dad!"...
13:14 Tue 16th Oct 20187 answers, last by marval 17:16 Tue 16th Oct 2018
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At The Doctors..grr

I was at my doctor's yesterday. He said to me "Don't eat anything fatty". I replied "You mean like bacon and sausage?".. He answered "No fatty. Don't eat anything".... Charming!...
13:52 Mon 15th Oct 20184 answers, last by Patsy33 19:05 Mon 15th Oct 2018
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Poor Mother In Law...

Please send prayers for my mother-in-law, she was taken to hospital this morning, her face was all red and swollen,A bee landed on her face, luckily she wasn't stung,I was quick with the spade...
12:50 Mon 15th Oct 20185 answers, last by Shaglene 17:27 Tue 16th Oct 2018

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