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Hymie

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Hymie
‘Before I pass sentence on you – have you anything to say?’ ‘F*ck all’ came the reply. The judge turned to one of the court officials and said ‘I didn’t hear...
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Hymie
On hearing that Mick Jagger had described the wrinkles on his face as ‘laughter lines’ – George Melly retorted ‘Nothing is that funny’
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Hymie
Would churchgoers please take note that the large bowl in the church vestibule marked ‘For the Sick’ – is for monetary donations only.
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Hymie
Down the pub last night – my mate announced that out of respect for his wife, he had not made love to her before their wedding night – what about you, he asked? I replied that I was not...
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Hymie
This is an actual radio conversation between a United States Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast off Newfoundland in October 1995. (The radio...
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Hymie
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting addressed to God but with...
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Hymie
Surely the first question that will be put to her will be:- Policeman: ‘Can you give me the names of serving Police officers to whom News International paid money illegally for the supply of...
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Hymie
I have discovered that my local police constabulary has not been recording the crimes I have reported to them over the last 12 months. Clearly my local police force are falsifying reported crime to...
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Hymie
Private Eye – Number Crunching Part 1 15 months - Prison sentence of Timothy Harris, a thug from Northamptonshire, for benefit fraud which cost the taxpayer £54,000. 1 week – Time...
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Hymie
It is now common practice to install (or even relocate) a combi boiler within the loft space of homes. The advantages include no space within the normal living areas is taken up (by the boiler), any...
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Hymie
According to this story on the BBC’s website - Jean Else, who was awarded an OBE back in 2001 has had the award revoked by the Queen. Apparently Ms Else (as head of a school), promoted her...
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Hymie
I see that Waitrose is running a TV advertising campaign – the message of which is that they (Waitrose) are operating a price cartel with Tesco. How long before the authorities take note of this...
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Hymie
If the news agencies are to be believed, the government is proposing to fine airports for passenger delays - as recently experienced by large numbers of people due to the airports’ inability to...
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Hymie
Assuming that Julian Assange is somehow extradited to the USA to face whatever charges they can dream-up, do the authorities really believe that the leaks will stop (appearing on Wikileaks)? Surely...
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Mrs Hymie regularly uses Colour Catcher sheets/cloths in her wash. Having a machine that can handle 8kg loads, this allows for a mixed wash (within reason). Recently the machine developed a fault in...
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Hymie
Here we go again – the European Commission has fined a number of airlines a total of almost 800 million Euros for operating a cartel. You and I have been paying increased prices on goods and...
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Hymie
I have recently returned from the USA, driving around Texas and the neighbouring States. They were enjoying slightly warmer than normal temperatures for the time of year, with daytime highs over...
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Q: Why has this man felt he needed a judicial review of the police’s handling of the phone hacking claims? A: As an ex-copper, this man knows that it would be a waste of time complaining to the...
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There has been a recent news story concerning fraudsters who have cloned prepayment card/keys. Apparently they are offering £50 worth of top-up for £25. The authorities have warned people...

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