Donate SIGN UP

marval

821 to 840 of 3998

First Previous 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 Next Last

Avatar Image
marval
A boy is writing a essay on childbirth and asks his parents: "How was I born?" His mother awkwardly answers: "The stork brought you." "Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?" "Oh, the...
Avatar Image
marval
I was told that grape fruit juice is good for the memory. Well I can tell you it is not. I had two bottles of wine last night and I can't remember a thing this morning....
Avatar Image
marval
A city fellow was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale. "Afraid not,"...
Avatar Image
marval
Many of us "old folks" (those over 50, way over 50 or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or...
Avatar Image
marval
After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said, "What can I get you, gorgeous?"...
Avatar Image
marval
A police officer arrested a prostitute. "I do not sell sex, sir!" She replied The policeman said, "So, what are you doing now?" "I'm just selling condoms and offering a free demonstration." Answered...
Avatar Image
marval
I said to my son, "What did you do at school today?" He said, "We learnt about all the capitals." "How many do you know?" I asked. He said, "All of them." I said, "All of them, are you sure?" He said,...
Avatar Image
marval
My teachers always told me that if I didn't study hard enough I'd end up working at McDonalds. I proved them all wrong. I start at KFC tomorrow....
Avatar Image
marval
I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything. But all the noises I used to make during sex. I now make just getting out of bed....
Avatar Image
marval
I smiled at the scary doctor’s receptionist. "What can I do for you?” She barked. "Well, I'd like to take you out on a date,” I said. Her eyes softened and she melted. "I've never been asked on...
Avatar Image
marval
I went to my friend's house recently and noticed that his Christmas tree was bare except for a shotgun shell near the top. I asked, "What's the deal, no decorations?" Puzzled, he looked at me and...
Avatar Image
marval
I thought I would try Microsoft's online Advent calendar this year. It is very realistic. I chose one with a Wintery scene and now it's blooming Windows have frozen....
Avatar Image
marval
I asked the barber if he could do my hair in two minutes. He said "Of course! I know a short cut."...
Avatar Image
marval
"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss. "Just pop it in the corner," he said. It took me three hours....
Avatar Image
marval
I walked in the pub yesterday and I couldn't help but notice a man sat at the bar scribbling on some paper and laughing hysterically. "Why are you so happy?" I asked. "My wife's been on a diet for the...
Avatar Image
marval
"First," said the playboy, "I'm going to buy you a few drinks to loosen you up." "Oh no you're not," said the girl. "Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks." "Oh no you're...
Avatar Image
marval
I have just received an invitation to join a secret society. They claim to possess special enlightenment and knowledge of Greek cheese. Hallouminati....
Avatar Image
marval
A group came up to book up a slot in the open mic night I was compering at the local pub "So, what do you call yourselves?" I said "Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps" said their lead singer...
Avatar Image
marval
Scientists have observed that when one pizza delivery guy falls over, several others also fall over. This is known as the domino's effect....
Avatar Image
marval
Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements? Because if you can't heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um....

821 to 840 of 3998

First Previous 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 Next Last