Cheating Spouse

[GlitteryWings]

Has anyone managed to move on from a cheating spouse?

Ive recently been breaved within the past month (very close) and then found out my partner has had sex once with someonelse.......... in our home.

Im grieving BOTH situations, not sure if I am numb , id like to try to move on, currently feel as if I can.... this may change when I am thinking straight.

[Prudie]

I read it as Ummm describes - a double whammy to deal with

[ummmm]

It makes sense to me.

To me it reads that she's lost a family member close to her and very recent...then found out about her spouse. She is still grieving the first loss and she's been hit with a second.

[dannyk13]

You could be right ummmm.

[murraymints]

poor wummin ...

[ummmm]

Makes it ten times harder to make a decision. It's a head mess. I wouldn't be able to cope with that.

[Sqad]

"Has anyone managed to move on from a cheating spouse? "

Yes.....millions have.

[ummmm]

How though, Sqad? Stay with them or leave? I left mine, Minty left hers but it's not that easy for some.

It took me two years to leave my cheating ex (he was a horrible man anyway)

[spathiphyllum]

surely it would be very subjective and situational?

[ummmm]

Of course but glitterywings was already going through an emotional time.

[Rockrose]

With respect Sqad we all know your thoughts on spouses cheating and I think that perhaps you’re views could cause this thread to be derailed very quickly perhaps not what the OP needs.

[Sqad]

Depends.....each needs to be assessed on it's merits ummmm.

Some questions need to be asked after you have settled your mind which may take up to two years depending upon your psychological make up.
Will I be better off if i kick him out? You might be if you are in your 20s 30.s 40.s......but if later then you might find yourself entering "old age" alone.......not necessarily to be advised.

How attractive one is . if you are presentable in looks, dress well and looked after yourself, then you MAY have a chance of getting another partner......on the other hand if good looks have never been your forte and clothes and presentation haven't been your forte, then you might struggle for a partner.

Also....if you are going to carry this episode of infidelity as a lifetime crusade against men, as many women do, then you may well struggle again.

There are many other facets to this which I am overlooking but the bottom line is that it is up top YOU.......get organised with what you have OR, embark upon a lifelong crusade against men/ women......whichever is the case.

my original answer remains the same.

[Sqad]

RockRose......i have just seen your post.
Fine......then ignore my post....it wouldn't bother me one jot.

[spathiphyllum]

infidelity can break people psychologically, and the men who do that to women, are scum, much like the women who do that to men. If you've given someone your trust, you should honour that. If you have spoken about boundaries and what you're comfortable with etc.. then it's not infidelity, it's a slightly open relationship

[bednobs]

have to say on this occasion i agree with sqad. Although perhaps not on the fat/ugly thing. I am living proof you can get a partner whe you are both :)

[Sqad]

Bednobs.........who has mentioned the "fat and ugly?

[ummmm]

Sqad - I agree with some of what you say.

It took me two years to leave because I had to get my finances in order and make sure the kids were looked after. It took time with the help of our accountant. But hey....I bought a 5 bedroom house in my name and chucked him out after a week.

[bednobs]

you did not say that - i read between your lines :)

[Sqad]

;-)

[Old_Geezer]

My suspicion, since never had it happen to me, is that those who say it depends on the individual, are correct. From what I've read, what people think they'd do in those circumstances are not necessarily what they actually do when faced with the situation, options, consequences.

Give it whatever time you need, then decide what's right for you. There's no rush.

[hc4361]

You need to know WHY he had sex with somebody else. Objectively it may have had nothing to do with you, your relationship or his love and desire (or lack of) for you.

If it was genuinely a one off you may be able to come to terms with it and rebuild the trust. It is a totally different situation to having a partner who actively chases other women or takes any opportunity to sleep around or have affairs. It may have been an out of character blip that he is deeply ashamed of and regrets.

You should not base your entire future on what could have been, literally, 5 minutes of meaningless madness that happened in isolation because of a set of circumstances that are unlikely to recur.

Think carefully about your relationship, the way your spouse treats you and the life you have together. If you were unhappy before you found out about this then your marriage is unlikely to improve but do not have a knee jerk reaction.

Talk to your spouse, make sure he knows how you feel and the effect his actions have had on you but listen to him, too.

See how you feel in a few months.