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Bereavement Help Please !

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NoseyNose | 17:55 Mon 20th Nov 2023 | Body & Soul
152 Answers


My Gay partner of nearly 50 years,died very suddenly last Thursday(16th November) from heart attack, while shopping with me in Sainsbury's.The Medics did their best,but to no avail.

I am completely lost.

We live in a remote part of the country,and he was the only driver.

There are so many things that I have to do,but we don't know anyone around here.

I have contacted the friends that I thought would help.

But none of them suggested visiting me,I just need some human contact,and help.

I am feeling very sucidal,I haven't eaten or drunk much since that horrible Thursday.

I called 999, was taken by ambulance on Friday to the Conquest Hospital.but they just left me on couch(for 4 hours),knowing full well that I was Diabetic(no food etc) also Bipolar,I discharged my self.

Luckily my partners brother had come down(and took me back home),but after two days(without any advice) he went back to his home in Yorkshire(we are in East Sussex)

ANY comfort or practical advice would help.

This is a real cry for help, I cannot go on like this.

I have realised that Bill will not come back, and as he organised evertything for 49 years,I don't think I can go on without him.

I am in a deep dark place,and can only think of one way out.




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With no specific request from him & having read that Gordon's situation is known to the authorities; also after a long chat with an old & trusted friend, I now think that my offer could conceivably complicate matters.Therefore - for now, at least - sadly, I feel that withdrawing gracefully is the correct thing to do.  I hope neither Gordon nor my fellow AB'ers...
16:51 Fri 24th Nov 2023

I am so sorry for your loss and the way you are feeling right now.

I can only suggest you contact the Samaritans or Cruse.  Cruse can offer emotional support as well as give practical advice.  

Also speak to your GP.  I hope you get the help you need.

You're bi-polar.  Are you taking your medication?  You can't do anything unless you are functioning.  Try your GP.  Otherwise Samaritans or Cruise.

^^ sorry Cruse.

Living deep in the country and not driving is not a good thing (we live in E. Yorks. Wolds - no buses).  Have you a push-bike so you could cycle to bus routes?  This can all be sorted out lated.  Right now, take your medication and hold on until you climb out of the pit.  There will be help.  

Whether you have anything to do  with religion or not (probably not) your local vicar could help you get in touch with non-church organisations and may know of transport solutions.  Ask any locals for contacts, you must know some.

I'm so sorry for your grief and shock..... stick in with living, please, you matter and will have a life afterwards.

    24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 116 123 for free.

    Call for free on 0808 808 1677.
    Monday: 9.30am-5pm
    Tuesday: 9.30am-8pm
    Wednesday: 9.30am-8pm
    Thursday: 9.30am-8pm
    Friday: 9.30am-5pm

I'm very sorry to hear you have lost your partner of nearly 50 years. I take it you are now a man in later life, possibly 70's?

Do you have any family at all or friends you can turn to?

If nobody has offered to visit you, would you be able to invite them to your home or do they all live a long way away?

You should do as others have suggested and phone a bereavement helpline, they are always there at the other end of the phone.

Best wishes to you for the future.



So sorry to hear about your partners death. I really hope you get the help & advice you need. Coming on here & chatting to us will help.

Oh you poor man.  Just awful.  Such a shock for you.   I am so sorry for your loss.  Please ring the numbers others have given you.   Those people will understand and they will help.   You aren't alone, you really aren't.  

Please accept my deepest sympathy. The funeral director who you contact will be able to help you with arrangements, etc. and perhaps be able to put you in touch with local counsellors for help.`  

I am so sorry for your loss.  Please try Cruse, as others have suggested.  

And do come back to us if you need a chat.

I'm sorry for your sudden and undoubtedly very painful loss. Please take heed of earlier posts' advice.


I sympathise completely with your transport situation as I am similarly affected since my permanent driving ban July 2022 (medical reasons - mini-stroke or TIA) - public transport in this country is in  a terrible state, and I usually have to rely on taxi (expensive) or friends.  


Keep posting here if it helps, there are lots of lovely supportive people here.


Good luck.

So very sorry for your loss. Please don't give up. There's plenty of good advice given on here, with helpful phone numbers. All the best to you.

Question Author

Thank You,

I think that I shall ring the Samaritans.Cruse lines close at 5pm.

It's really the practicalities that are depressing me.

As we were not married,I don't really count.The next of kin is his brother,but as I am in East Sussex and he in Yorkshire things are not suitable.I on good terms with him,but it's a lot to expect him to do.

Apart from the Police,who came on the suggestion of the hospital,I haven't seen anyone since Sunday lunch(when his brother left for home).

I lied to the Police,when they asked me if I was OK (I told them that the brother was here,to keep them quiet), and I am certainly not,but didn't want then to send me back to the hospital!

It is dark here now(no street lights) and the nearest neighbours(who are quite a distance away,and I don't know)

I have been thinking of ways to end all of this.I am 76,and lost my loving soulmate.

Unfortunately,he took care of all the finances,insurance(car),and many other money things.I have to find a way to access his savings,but again as weren't married,I just don't know what I can be entitled to?

I am really in a dark hellish pit here,but thank you for your support.I just need something to stop it all spinning around in my mind.

Did your partner make a Will?  If he did the position might be a lot easier and clearer for you.

Do you own your home? 

For the things you have just mentioned, try Citizens Advice.

You may need to see a solicitor, but if you do, the CA will advise you about t that.

Please don't give up. Things will get easier with time.

Surely you have had contact with a Funeral Director - he/she can be very helpful at times like this.

Barry/NN once stated that his home had been rented for 20 years.

Thank you, I missed that.

Another organisation that may help you


I suggest you make a list.  It doesn't matter how untidy or disorganised it is - just get your thoughts and worries down on paper.  Everything is whizzing around in your head and will keep whizzing.  If you have a list you will remember to raise everything that is bothering you when you get to speak to Samaritans, Cruse, CAB - whoever you decide to call.

Don't forget there is the NHS helpline 111.  

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