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Bereavement Help Please !

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NoseyNose | 16:55 Mon 20th Nov 2023 | Body & Soul
152 Answers


My Gay partner of nearly 50 years,died very suddenly last Thursday(16th November) from heart attack, while shopping with me in Sainsbury's.The Medics did their best,but to no avail.

I am completely lost.

We live in a remote part of the country,and he was the only driver.

There are so many things that I have to do,but we don't know anyone around here.

I have contacted the friends that I thought would help.

But none of them suggested visiting me,I just need some human contact,and help.

I am feeling very sucidal,I haven't eaten or drunk much since that horrible Thursday.

I called 999, was taken by ambulance on Friday to the Conquest Hospital.but they just left me on couch(for 4 hours),knowing full well that I was Diabetic(no food etc) also Bipolar,I discharged my self.

Luckily my partners brother had come down(and took me back home),but after two days(without any advice) he went back to his home in Yorkshire(we are in East Sussex)

ANY comfort or practical advice would help.

This is a real cry for help, I cannot go on like this.

I have realised that Bill will not come back, and as he organised evertything for 49 years,I don't think I can go on without him.

I am in a deep dark place,and can only think of one way out.




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With no specific request from him & having read that Gordon's situation is known to the authorities; also after a long chat with an old & trusted friend, I now think that my offer could conceivably complicate matters.Therefore - for now, at least - sadly, I feel that withdrawing gracefully is the correct thing to do.  I hope neither Gordon nor my fellow AB'ers...
15:51 Fri 24th Nov 2023
Question Author

It seems that the car problem might be solved in a strange way.

The friend (and his partner) who will probably take me to Bill's funeral(in Ashford)can come and pick me up from here(Beckley) and and after the funeral,one of the two in the relationship can drive the Berlingo to my house (from Sainsbury's),and then take his partner back to their home.They live near Tenterden,which is about half way from here to Ashford.

Sorry if this sounds very complicated,it's not easy(and will not get any easier) when you don't drive in the country!

Well,night  night you great,wonderful & caring folks.

More updates soon,you are keeping me sane.

Very sorry to hear all that Bobbie x

That sounds helpful Nosey. Well you try and grab a little sleep now - we will all be here tomorrow, at one point or another x

My sincere condolences on the loss of your partner, NoseyNose.  You've had good advice, so I'll not try to add anything further.

Take care of yourself & I wish you all the best during what may be trying times ahead.

You have my best wishes Xx 

Talk to your Chemist about the pills.  I don't know if they can, but they might have a way of organising your pills in a similar way.

I'm extremely sorry about your traumatic circumstances. My condolences to you. Your experiences of late would cripple many people. May I suggest that your partners brother step up and help you more as he is an intimate family member and is familiar with your circumstances and loves his brother, as you do. Also, due to these shocking developments would you consider using a 'crowd funding site? ' They have helped many people going through such a painful time. I sincerely hope that you can gather the strength to adjust to this new reality that has been thrust upon you. 

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Not a good start to the day,

My Santander Account has been blocked.I went through a lot of questions with their fraud dept, (by phone) but now have to find someone to take me to the nearest branch!

Make sure you have all the relevant paperwork before you set off for the bank, Nosey. 

Oh dear Nosey.  Have they explained why? We are out in the sticks like you.  All our banks are now closed.  The nearest one is 15  miles away!!  You didn't need this to add to your problems,

Good morning by the way.  Well, it isn't really.  It's grey and pouring down 

Good luck, with the bank  x


Is it a joint account?  Do they want to see the death certificate?

Have you thought about contacting Age UK?  They can offer help in practical ways

Sorry for your loss and apologies if this has already been mentioned.   Re car insurance, once you get the car back home and SORN it, then I would contact the insurance company to cancel the policy as depending how the policy was paid if it was just one annual payment then there may be a refund for the remaining time and also ascertain whether it was on automatic renewal. If it was on direct debit, then you will need to cancel that.

Your GP should be able to put you in touch with bereavement services which are available and may even have meetings at the surgery. They should be able to help in some way.  A lot of good advice on here has already been mentioned so will not repeat.

Hope all goes well with the funeral and that eventually you will be able to move forward and remember the good times you shared together which I am sure will be many.

The car insurance will be void and and any refund due should be paid to the estate. (Insurance policies are void on death of the policy holder).


same with my dad's car which is strangely one of the things that worried me most.  Ater good advice on here, we called the insurance co and they covered it for 30 days extra which enabled us to bring it to our drive to sorn it

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Well, this may be my last post on this question?

Bill's brother has really copped out,he is giving no support(all the way from Yorkshire),and won't help with any funeral expenses.He seems to be running away from it(like me)

The Coroner phoned,I don't want to hear the results of the Post Mortem,it would really destroy me now.She said she will tell me about moving forward,but there is no forward.I am back in a black hole pit,and just want to join Billy.

After all these proceedures are done and dusted,I shall still be in an isolated country house,with no known neighbours to care about me, a virtual prisoner.

So Billy here I come to be with you!


Please, NoseyNose, try one of these numbers I gave earlier - Cruse is open now until 8 o'clock tonight:

    24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 116 123 for free.

    Call for free on 0808 808 1677.
    Monday: 9.30am-5pm
    Tuesday: 9.30am-8pm
    Wednesday: 9.30am-8pm
    Thursday: 9.30am-8pm
    Friday: 9.30am-5pm

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I realised,when I saw Billy collapse and die in Sainsbury's( a horrible sight,embeded on my memory)that there was going to be only one place for me,to be with him.

It will soon be a week since it happened.

I am not afraid of dying,only living without him

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BTW,my name is Gordon, how I long to hear Billy say it again!

But of course he cannot

This is going to be one short night,hypothermia here I come.

NoseyNose.  It's early days and all very raw and so dreadfully  painful for you.  Please ring the Samaritans right now.  Talking to someone will do no harm.  Please call them. x

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