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Bereavement Help Please !

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NoseyNose | 16:55 Mon 20th Nov 2023 | Body & Soul
152 Answers


My Gay partner of nearly 50 years,died very suddenly last Thursday(16th November) from heart attack, while shopping with me in Sainsbury's.The Medics did their best,but to no avail.

I am completely lost.

We live in a remote part of the country,and he was the only driver.

There are so many things that I have to do,but we don't know anyone around here.

I have contacted the friends that I thought would help.

But none of them suggested visiting me,I just need some human contact,and help.

I am feeling very sucidal,I haven't eaten or drunk much since that horrible Thursday.

I called 999, was taken by ambulance on Friday to the Conquest Hospital.but they just left me on couch(for 4 hours),knowing full well that I was Diabetic(no food etc) also Bipolar,I discharged my self.

Luckily my partners brother had come down(and took me back home),but after two days(without any advice) he went back to his home in Yorkshire(we are in East Sussex)

ANY comfort or practical advice would help.

This is a real cry for help, I cannot go on like this.

I have realised that Bill will not come back, and as he organised evertything for 49 years,I don't think I can go on without him.

I am in a deep dark place,and can only think of one way out.




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With no specific request from him & having read that Gordon's situation is known to the authorities; also after a long chat with an old & trusted friend, I now think that my offer could conceivably complicate matters.Therefore - for now, at least - sadly, I feel that withdrawing gracefully is the correct thing to do.  I hope neither Gordon nor my fellow AB'ers...
15:51 Fri 24th Nov 2023

Please do not think that way;  you are in a dark hole at the moment but there is light at the end of the tunnel. We are all here for you. x

Gordon, it may be early afternoon but go to bed.  Let this immense wave of grief ebb as it must do.

You are physically and mentally exhausted and need to shut down for a few hours. 

Hi Gordon.  Just to tell you.  I've been in that same black hole as you several times over this last year, but for different reasons.  You really need to talk to someone but for now I hope you will try and sleep and probably need a prescription from your gp for some help with medication.  I call myself Lottie on this site.  

Bill's brother seems a right bustard - surely you're not going to let him win - he will undoubtedly rejoice suicide on your part, he's that kind of bloke (me me me me me).


Have you tried any of the answers suggested here - if not, do so NOW, don't let us all down - we will all continue to be here for you.

I know you have been given Cruse info - this seems to be local one for East Sussex where you would certainly be given help if you ring.  Please do.



Hello Gordon

First of all, I fully understand how you are feeling as our family have gone through some black times too.

I wish to help and I see that a lot of helpful links have been given.

I have just read the newspaper report which was written by James Pallant. I am wondering if you could contact him at

[email protected]

as he might be able to share your grief with some local people who could help in various ways (some good-hearted folk who understand your situation.)

Yours sincerely





Hi Gordon - I'm sorry I'm late back to your thread & I hope this isn't too presumptuous of me, but it's sent with a good heart & my best wishes.  It's not a wind-up & were you to view it as such, I would like to think that my fellow AB'ers would vouch for my sincerity.

I don't know if this is something that you might welcome or not, but if you're up for it, I'd be pleased to come to visit you (with a dear friend who drives & would be happy to make the journey - we're in Lewes), perhaps for lunch somewhere (on me), just for a friendly chat & perhaps some help with odds & sods if we can?  Whether or not anything actually gets "done", you might have a sort-of (yes, I know...) pleasant time for an hour or two.

Both of us have suffered the loss of a partner & we both know what it's like to feel absolutely alone; sometimes just a friendly smile or a hug can do the trick, to let you know that feeling of loneliness doesn't have to be there every day.

I have to leave the screen now, but I'll check back soon & if I see you're about, I'll post a short-term email address that you can use to contact me & we could have a chat, perhaps?

If we miss each other's posts, I apologise, but it'll work eventually - stay on this thread!

"There are no strangers here, only friends you haven't yet met". 🙂

That's a very kind, genuine offer, L-I-K.   Thank you

Gordon, why not accept Lik's kind offer? He is genuine.  

LiK is an absolute gem ☺️

I'm only just reading this and my heart goes out to you. You've had so much genuine and useful advice...I do hope that you make use of it. Definitely take up L.I.King's offer. While I don't know him personally,  I'd judge him to be one of the most genuine members of AB. 

Finally, though I've not experienced the loss of a dear partner, I do have experience of loss. It will ebb and flow...bearable and then verging on intolerable pain. But it will gradually get easier. You will get as much support as you need or ask for on here. Keep talking.

LIK  you have a heart of gold, bless you xx.  Gordon please take up this genuine kind offer.    Love Lottie xxx

Lie-in King, you really are a king. Gordon, please have the courage to accept the invitation ...

L-I-K, what an absolutely wonderful gesture. Gordon, we are all still here for you and are all worried for you. Please don't let your partners unhelpful brother win - he sounds useless!! x

I'm so sorry for your loss please take care of yourself

I see little point in me duplicating the links that others have posted here already, so I'll stick to some practicalities as you try to move on with your life:

If you were reliant on your partner, Bill, for supermarket shopping, you'll now need to think about how you're going to get food (and other essentials) into your home.  It looks like the nearest convenience store to you is Jempson's Local, just along the road in Northiam.  However that's still useless to you unless, say, a kind neighbour could give you a lift there and back.  A better option, for shopping in person, might be to take the 313 bus to Rye Station.  (Timetable here: ).  Then you've got the larger Jempson's store, which stocks som Morrison's products, just across the road:

Alternatively (or as well), if you're not already registered for online supermarket shopping, Sainsbury's, Asda and Morrison's all deliver to your area.  (I suspect that Tesco does as well but I couldn't find out directly from their website).  So that's another way to ensure that you don't run out of essential supplies.

With regard to making new friends, it appears that there's a Lunch Club at your local village hall on the 2nd Thursday f each month at 12.30pm.  (So that will mean 14 December for the next one).  Phone 01797 26051 to check the details.

There are also coffee mornings, organised by the Friends of Beckley Church, in the village hall at 10.30am on the 1st Tuesday of each month.  (So that will be 5 December for the next one).  Phone 01797 260360 to check the details.

While I'm an atheist, I do accept that those within Christian churches can help some people when they're seeking someone to talk to (irrespective of the religious beliefs of the person seeking help).  So you might like to consider getting into touch with one of the team at All Saints Church:

Some fab info there Buenchicho x

Great post from Buenchico.  Thank you to the folk with encouraging comments - I'm off to bed now & out in the morning, but I'll log back in when I'm home.  I hope Gordon manages a decent night's rest.

Fingers crossed Gordon will call in soon.  

I do hope so Lottie - Gordon was very down yesterday and reading his later posts in the day were  very concerning- it's obviously so hard for him, faced with all the demands a situation like this presents, without some family/friends there to help.

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