Update to a few weeks ago - boys night out.

[PinkFizz]

Im still shaking as I write this and I don't know what to do.You may remember I wrote about b/f having a night out with lads and staying in hotel,etc and was I being paranoid.Well I have just gone to file his credit card statement,and amongst the mounds of transactions there is the hotel for that night - not the one he said,not where he said,and for the most espensive suite,with a spa etc and now I want to throw up.

[~Wingnut~]

Ok scrap what I said Pink. Is it possible to get one of your friends to look after his daughter and your son for a couple of hours? Take them to McDonalds/Pizza hut? You can;t spend the weekend with this hanging over your head.

[redcrx]

Kazza, I always thought that a trusting relationship meant that nothings hidden from a partner. This therefore means that you cant actually snoop if going through finances.
I really dont think your comments have helped in calming Pink down.

[caz21]

Oh Pink,

My stomach is in knots for you hun!

You were sucpicious right from the start about this night weren't you?

As others have said there could be an explanation, but my advise as others have also said, would be to talk to him asap, you will drive yourself mad if you leave it over the weekend, Would it be possible to pick the kids up later, or even cancel for this weekend, tell them you are ill, and it would be better to leave it for this weekend, because at least if you do find something untoward happened you wont want the kids there!

The first thing that went through my mind was as someone else mentioned about it being for one of his mates!?

Good luck hunny, my thoughts are with you! xx

[Supernick]

Hi Pink,

No need to sugar coat this one I suppose. The best case scenario still means that you know he lied to you. You don't know why he's done that, and so it's not fair to jump to conclusions, but you do know that for whatever reason he has decided to not tell the truth about where he was. There are issues here regardless of whether there turns out to be another woman involved.

The fact that he has left the receipt around, proves or disproves nothing. He either has nothing to hide, forgot it, isn't very bright etc, and you can't know that yet.

You are not going to be able to go a whole weekend without mentioning this, and he's going to pick up on your attitude towards him at some point. The moment he asks what the problem is, is when it will all spill out, so you need to control this part of the situation and speak to him about it before the kids arrive. I hope it goes well for you. x

[caz21]

kazza, people who snoop usually find things bad out because they followed their gut instinct and were proved right! whats worse? and anyway it didnt sound like snooping to me, don't you check statements against receipts etc. to make sure it is correct and there is no fraud going on?

[kazza12345]

i wasn't aware that the results of the answers had to be to calm pink down .... I thought people could reply how they saw fit - although it isnt a question, to me pink wants advice, not just to be fobbed off and calmed down?
They clearly dont have a trusting relationship, and i am just warning her that her boyfriend may well be upset that she has gone through his finances, phoned the hotel etc. Having a trusting relationship to me means trusting the other person to have secrets as well as to be open. She may be thinking of finishing it over this, but i am just warning her that HE may think of finishing it over her lack of trust

[atolhurst]

PINK, CALL HIM NOW

You need to talk to him. You seem so adament that he has lied, and yes, the 'evidence' doesn't look good. But you need to ask him about it.

Once you have, you can make a judgement based on what he says and (whether you do believe him if he says he wasn't with someone else). Until that point, you're just going to work yourself up and start shouting at us AB'ers!!!

[mnko]

pinky could i ask you a question?

do you trust him?

[kazza12345]

lol yes, i check my own statements to prevent fraud, but not other peoples!

[4getmenot]

Are any of our answers helping as you already know he's lied now, so where do you go from here?

[PinkFizz]

kazza - I always file his statements as he asks me to do this.

[PinkFizz]

Yes thankyou to you all for your answers.Kazza - as his cc statements have company purchases on I do infact have to look at them so I was not snooping at all.

I have never lied to him and he knows how important that this is to me.I have always trusted him but did always have a bad feeling about that eve from the word go.I remembered just now that he txt the following day to day that the roadworks in town centre outside hotel had kept him awake,when infact he was in the countryside.So no I do not think I am over-reacting at all.I have given this man 100%.

[kazza12345]

i wasn't implying you were overreacting - just reacting in advance of the facts, rather than supposition. to me, phoning the hotel is snooping, even if looking at the cc statements aren't

[Rubyrose]

Firstly can I just say 'don't text him' or let on you know ANYTHING until you are face to face with him! At the moment the only thing you have is that bill and the element of suprise! You will know more from his face when he is in front of you and you produce that bill in a calm and collected manner than you will if you text him and give him time to sort out his story!
Good luck hunny... its a sh!t thing to go through but we all know you are more than strong enough. xx

[PinkFizz]

thankyou all - I did ring the hotel just to check that I want making a mistake before I speak to him and he says it was a credit card error.

[Wee Kaz]

Kazza, I do agree with everything you've said but I think Pink probably phoned the hotel because she can't get a hold of her boyf and was hoping to find an easy answer to this whole mess. I think if you suspect that your long term partner could be cheating, it must totally mess up your head so I can see why she felt she had to phone the hotel. Pink, what are you going to do now and are you going to be honest with your partner and tell him you phoned the hotel, how do you think he would react to that? Once something like this has happened, the trust is broken (both sides now) and it's not as easy to get it back as it is to break it I'd imagine. You need to think rationally what your next step is and if you can live with the consequences if he gives you the answers you don't want to hear :o(

[PinkFizz]

well,there is no way I can get him alone to speak to him,and although I would rather speak to his face I think I may have to settle for a phone call at lunch time.

[caz21]

Just want to add, i confronted my boyfriend over the issues over emailing his ex, without going into details as its not appropriate, we sorted it out and talked and are happier than before, and trust as much as it was broken, is back!

So i just mean that trust can be repaired and problems like this can be sorted out! xx

[caz21]

It may be the only way to sort it out pink as its inconvenient with your weekend plans, so if you feel phoning is the right thing to do go ahead, as someone else said you'll still have the element of suprise, but you wont see his reaction just hear it!

Do what you feel is best for you! xx

[Rubyrose]

Then why not wait hun.... until you can get him alone? Does it really make a difference if you leave it a day or two? It will give you time to calm down, gather information, recall things that have happened... you will be calm and ready when you confront him! One of my biggest regrets.. was charging in head first without gathering the information... because although I was right.. and I could ahve cornered him.. he managed to carry on lying and thats what annoyed me! That I hadn't been patient! Trust me..... his face will tell more than anything that comes out of his lips!