Dating Advice

[mizfiesta]

I met a guy recently on a dating website - he seems like a decent chap. We met for the first time last weekend - we just met up briefly on the Saturday evening for a soft drink to see if we liked each other.

He then asked me out for a meal on the Wednesday. The meal went well enough. He text me when I got home to say he had nice time and asked if he could see me again to which I replied I'd be happy to. He was having his daughter to stay from Saturday (yesterday) to Tuesday so I said I would leave it up to him on the when/where.

Anyway I've not heard anything back from him since Wednesday night. It's now Sunday. I thought he would've dropped me a text or something by now? I haven't text him as I would rather put the ball in his court. I would guess he's not that fussed about me if he's not dropped me a text over the weekend, even just to say hi. What do you think?

[mizfiesta]

Thanks 237SJ for your response and also to Sqad for making me blush and laugh in equal measures.

Boxtop and Jim, both sound feedback. Jim you're right, I do like the guy. I'm just a bit wary and wish he would give me a bit more feedback or something!

It sounds like I am in a rush to have him jump on my bones, but it's not like that. He's just not giving out the usual signals (other than actually asking me out of course) that I can usually take as sign that he likes me. And I guess I'm a bit concerned that he's still logging on to the site - it doesn't exactly fill me with confidence. In my mind, if you've met someone you like, why bother keeping casting your 'line'?

[Sqad]

Jim

\\\\\I'm not making it Sqad v. Jim. On the other hand you've offered some advice, and I'm offering the opposite advice.\\

One can read the opposing advice without continually naming names.............

[mizfiesta]

Sqad I hear what you're saying but I have a history of being very impulsive and don't want to 'throw the baby out with the bath water'. I'm trying to see this situation through others eyes other than my own.

I'm operating on 'self preservation' mode so therefore may be a bit more cautious and defensive. It's good to gauge the opinions of others. I could dump the guy just because he is diffident as Boxtops said - and that would be a shame.

[jim360]

A lot depends on his past and yours, too. Unfortunately for me I've had a number of disappointments over the years, the net effect of which has often been to make me even less confident the next time. And of course just my luck that probably girls tend to think like you in some sense "Oh, he's not that confident so isn't interested in me after all..." I think you have to allow for the possibility that he's taking it slow as a reaction to how things have happened in the past.

As to his logging onto the dating site, that could be for a number of reasons, chief among them that technically you still aren't together yet, so why should he not log on to that site? Maybe even he's checking to see that you aren't going on. But logging in doesn't mean that hes dating anyone else. Can you see what profiles he's looking at? Probably not. Do you know if he's looking at yours or not?

[jim360]

"I disagree with the opinion of another person who shall remain nameless..."

This isn't the House of Commons, we don't have to call everyone "my honorable friend" after all.

[boxtops]

That's a point, jim - he could indeed be logging on to see if miz is still on the site, if he's not confident that she likes him enough - he might be beating himself up by seeing she's still looking in too (he might be having the same thoughts as miz about "what next". My friend lost out on a great relationship by not being forward enough, being the sort of bloke who likes to be sure of his ground before he speaks out.

[mizfiesta]

Hi Jim, yea as as far as I can see he's not 'looked' at my profile. I think given what you and Boxtops have said, I just have to roll with it for now - if he does like me, all will become apparent at some stage you would think.

Online dating etiquette is a bit different from, say, bumping into someone in a bar? In the past if I had been out with someone for four dates and found out they were dating other people, I would have been quite miffed.

With online dating even four dates assumes that 'technically you still aren't together yet'. I guess you have to know each other in a biblical sense to claim to be together now :)

[boxtops]

If you want to see him, miz, why are you just leaving it up to him to make the next move? Why don't you ask him out, next time - and see what he says.

[jim360]

I wouldn't take this advice as gospel -- but is the etiquette really that different? Relationships begin when you admit to each other that you are in a relationship. At the moment you're just seeing each other, with no apparent commitment to continue. I wouldn't have thought that counts as a relationship whether you'd met online or not.

I'd suggest that if you are comfortable with it, you might want to follow boxtop's advice and take the initiative, and try to set up the next meeting yourself. It could be that he's waiting for some feedback from you, too. Then again, who initiated that kiss?

Anyway, you like him, so you might want to let him know that.

[mizfiesta]

Boxtops and Jim, sage advice from you both, much appreciated. I'll let you know if there are any further developments.