Mum dying - advice needed urgently.

[Traci66]

I have not seen or spoken to my mum in 17 years and I have just had a phone call from one of my sisters saying she is dying and desperately wants to make her peace with me before she dies. I have no inclination to see her what so ever, she has had seventeen years to make her peace and hasn't bothered, so my question is:
1) Do I go and see her and let her make her peace.
2) Go and see her and tell her exactly what I think.
3) Just keep away.
The thing is I can never forgive her for what she did.

[murraymints]

Please just go..still mum after all,,,you wil never forgive yourself when it is too late..l

[evedawn]

How hard ! :( my hub has been in similar situation.My advice is option 1). Whatever u do option 2) is not a good one. Although whatever she did was bad (I'm sure u have VERY good reasons) by not seeing her u miss a chance for YOURSELF to heal. Do option 1 ... Please

[sandyRoe]

Go and see her and try to help in any way you can. Whatever the cause of the falling out, you don't want at some stage in the future, to be regretting that you didn't go when you had the chance.

[EvianBaby]

That's a very tough call, and actually one I will have to make myself one day.

Nobody here can really answer that for you. But maybe try to imagine how you will feel in a few years time when the option is no longer there.

For me personally, I feel that my mothers death will not change anything and I won't want to see her. As you said, there has been ample chance before now.

Best of luck, whatever your choice.

[jomifl]

Go and see her, you may well regret it later, she is your mum and she is dying .

[albaqwerty]

Do whatever your conscience dictates and what you can live with.

[DTCwordfan]

Approaching death does that, brings on the guilt trip that she should have made the rapprochement before..... Go, you will regret it otherwise and risk setting up (further?) hostility with your siblings.

[murraymints]

E baby..don't know whats gone on but hugs to you...I can be a cyber mummy !! xxx

[Meg888]

You don't have to forgive her what she did, but do you think enough of her to allow her (in her opinion) to rest in peace by making up with you?

Pending death has different effects on folk, some may think they are destined an eternity of limbo, if they don't try to put the wrongs right before they go, it's still a selfish act on their part to wait until they're departing - but totally selfless on yours....,.

[tamborine]

GO, if only to keep in with sisters.

[carolegif]

Go and see her. I agree with murraymints that you will never forgive yourself if you don't. Parents make bad choices sometimes but that is life. She wants to make peace with you and you will be surprised at how upset you will feel when she dies and you have not been to see her.

I have lost both my parents in the last four months and we had on the whole a good relationship, but there were times when I was treated differently from my brother just because he was a male, but I got over it.

[Baldric]

Please, go and see her, it's your last chance and you really could regret it later if you don't.

[evedawn]

Good point meg about forgiveness... Some THINGScan't be forgiven but the PERSON can.

[gordyagusta]

Personally I would stay away, I'm sure many on here would think this wrong but if you cannot forgive her then there is nothing to be gained by going to visit her. As bad as this might sound, whether you visit or not she will still pass away, I don't believe in an 'after life' there fore when she has gone, she's gone.

[EvianBaby]

Aaaww, thanks Murray :)))

I'm very fortunate in that I have a great Dad and fabulous siblings, particulalry a certain sister.

[Old_Geezer]

You make your own decision.

But my advice is (1) is a good thing to do. you can feel good about it in later years. (2) will at best give momentary satisfaction and maybe not even that. You will forever know how you made a dying person feel. (3) is an option, but a not particularly brave or beneficial one.

You don't have to forgive if you wish to spend a life brooding on how awful you were treated. But the decent act is to be the "bigger" person and do the "right thing".

[4candles]

"I can never forgive her for what she did."

Fair enough, but do consider whether you'll forgive yourself if you don't go.

[woofgang]

if you can control your anger then go. if you can't then stay away and explain to your sister as well as you can. This advice is given on the basis of future relationships with your sisters.

[mazie]

She probably wants to say sorry Tracie...A dying wish to put the wrong right. Good luck in whatever you decide to do x

[naomi24]

Go - and if you can find compassion in your heart at least to allow her to believe you've made your peace with her - do it. Help her to die content. If you don't, remember you have a lot of years of your life left to think about it. (I had a similar situation with an aunt - and I've never regretted what I did. I have peace of mind where she is concerned, I did her no harm, and my conscience is clear).