Feeling Bitter.

[Blueskies40]

I've got to the age of 41, married with 3 children yet I'm still carrying anger, bitterness and sadness from my childhood. It's affecting me still after all of this time. I was 7 and he was 16 ( my dads brother ) I was made to touch him on many occasions. Afterwards I'd be in the back seat going home with my parents and I so wanted to tell them, the words never came out until I was 15 and couldn't stand it any longer so I took a huge overdose. My parents were called to the hospital and that was the night it all tumbled out. Nothing was done by my parents and it was never spoken about again, until recently. I was so mad that I asked dad why nothing was done. He said it would have killed my nan if it had come out. To be honest I'm more angry with mum and dad for doing nothing than I am with him. They see him daily and laugh with him. It makes me so angry....:

[KARL]

This and similar stories are very much coming out into the open these days and it seems those who are the subjects have a lot of bottled up emotions, primarily because of the taboo-type silence. People who have no such experience very likely do not fully understand what the effects are. A number of internet fora (forums to some) have been set up where victims can share their stories and often/usually bring them into the public domain at the same time. Quite a few of these are on Facebook - if you have an account (I don't) you could have a look. There are other ones in the more general sphere and, again, you can look for these. One Facebook forum I heard of caused an avalanche of stories and had a major effect in public discussion. Maybe you would even consider setting up a forum yourself.

[ummmm]

It's a kick in the teeth from your parents and it's understandable you feel bitter.

I would seek counselling. Being bitter is only ruining your own life.

It's not something you can 'get over' but you should get some professional help to learn how to deal with it, understanding others mindsets, and what steps to take to help you move on.

Go to your GP x

[Blueskies40]

Thank you Karl. I will indeed look into them.

[Blueskies40]

Thank you Ummmm I reckon I shall book an appointment x

[rsvp]

You've every reason to feel bitter - huge kick in the teeth not to be supported and comforted by your parents but that's their fault and not yours. Do as the others have suggested and get some help from trained people, if you don't feel able to do this find a friend who understands you and will not betray your confidence and talk it through. Failing that come on here and chat.

[jno]

I think in such circumstances I would be divorcing my parents. (That's what I'd do with a spouse who abused my children, after all.) It's clear continuing to see them is upsetting you, so, for a start, don't do it.

For longer-term help in dealing with your own emotions, do as ummmm says. You're not responsible for any of this; but it's your life the bitterness is damaging.

[Blueskies40]

RSVP thank you so much. I've wanted to air this for a really long time. I reluctantly have today. I feel that someone's listening. You don't know what that means.

[Blueskies40]

Jno thank you. I'm definitely booking into GP. I'm consciously seeing less of them recently.

[Retrochic]

While you are waiting for an appointment for Talking Therapy there are a few things you can do to help yourself. Write a letter to your parents telling them how you feel about what happened -how you feel about them putting someone else's feelings (your nans) above their own daughter. Then write a letter to the person who abused you telling him how it has effected you -YOU DON'T NEED TO POST THESE LETTERS -just writing everything down will help you a little bit and you can read these letters to the counselor.

[ummmm]

I was a victim too. A friend of my dads.

The police weren't really interested back then (70's)

He drank in our family pub and after my mum found out she beat him up...in front of everyone. I don't advocate violence but that memory has always made it easier to live with. He was shown up for what he was, in front of a pub full of his peers, and I suppose it was closure for me because her reaction was what you'd expect from a parent.

I feel you've been terribly let down by your parents.

[Blueskies40]

Retro chick thank you. What a brilliant idea. I'm going to do that!!

[Blueskies40]

Ummmm sorry you've felt the pain too. Well done to your mum. I think my mum would have done more if dad hadn't swiped it under the carpet. I wish my mum would have been stronger.

[Retrochic]

Just an adage -This is a personal opinion but I would stop seeing your parents if they continue to socialize with a man who has abused their daughter -this is incredible! How could anyone still even talk to someone who has done that?

[Retrochic]

Ummmm yes you have a good point -although the 'deed' is horrendous its often worse when parents do nothing or even don't believe their child. Seeing the perpetrator get justice from parents must be a comfort and god help anyone who did that to my child they would get the same thing as your mother doled out.

[Blueskies40]

I know! It really isn't normal behaviour. It consumes me. My husband and I sit and talk about it and we just can't get our heads around it. He would love to confront him. Part of me wants him too but it would just open a huge can of worms.

[gness]

Blueskies.....does your immediate family know the history of what has happened to you....have you talked to your husband and children.... if they are old enough?.....x

[ummmm]

I think living with the deed is easier than living with the fact that the people who were suppose to love and protect you didn't act on it.

[gness]

Ah...crossed posts...I see you have....x

[Blueskies40]

Recently my parents said " you're silly to keep harbouring it, it was a long time ago surely you can let it go now " I found that difficult to take in.

[tamborine]

Well done for sharing. Face your uncle & call him a perv, preferably in company. He will shrivel.