Giving up all hope :(

[lorla]

Hubbie and I have now been trying for a baby for 20 months with no success. We have both been 'tested' and there is nothing wrong with either so it's very odd. I have managed to remain positive for the most part but really feel like I can't go on for much longer, my patience is wearing thin and I feel like giving up. My dilema is this - I am a firm believer in positive thinking, it's what's got me through this horrible ordeal but after month and months of disappointing I have realised that actually the worst part is feeling so positive is that I manage to convince myself every single month that we have done it, that I'm pregnant....and then when I'm not, the come down is horrific and I fall to pieces. I feel now that if I didn't feel so positive each month, I wouldn't feel so awful when it's yet another 'no'. I feel lost, if I haven't got my positive thinking, what have I got?

[tigwig]

I can imagine how 20 months does seem a very long time to you as I was the same after only 4 months! It completely takes over your life doesnt it? I like you was devastated after timing the entire month the best time to have sex blah blah blah and forcing my OH on the right days lol, then imagining pregnancy symptoms only to find that my period always arrived. It was only when my OH lost his job and I realised how difficult it was to 'fall on' that we had to stop trying as there was no way we could afford another child. Then of course once I relaxed again and thought wrongly I had avoided the fertile time I fell pregnant oops! It is so true that stress is a massive part of stopping people conceiving. As hard as it is I would try and focus on something else and get it out of your head. Enjoy yourselves as a couple and book a holiday and forget about trying. It will happen when it happens and I have a friend who has been trying 6 years, after 4 miscarriages she is now 22 weeks. I know someone else who was told they both had fertility problems but they have gone on to have 2 children. What will be will be and I really feel for you but for your own sake you have to move on at the moment and that doesnt mean giving up hope completely cos there is always hope, just be patient.

[lorla]

Thanks annie0000 - I know what you mean and do that already ;)

Smudge - what test detected that for your daughter?

andy - very grateful, among all the negative comments and the 'forget about it' comments, I really appreciate your thoughts

[Sqad]

lorla..........Andy has given you the answer that you wanted.........leave it at that.

[tamborine]

See how many baby booties you can knit before you need them = focus the mind.

[Bobbisox]

it took my daughter 13 yrs lorla, different times for different folk but I go along with the majority of posters who say "Relax and let nature take it's course"
and Good luck x

[LoftyLottie]

I think it's unfair to dismiss the 'relax' threads Lorla. We know it is difficult to relax about it and we are only speaking from experience. We know you won't forget about it, but it does seem from your initial question that it has become the whole focus of your life. A holiday and a few vinos can work wonders. Sex for the sake of sex and not for the sake of babies!!

I wish you luck.

[andy-hughes]

LoftyLottie - I don;lt think lorla is dismissing the 'relax' threads - she has in fact stated as much - she no longer monitors her fertile days, and she does enjoy sex for the pleasure of it.

I think she is keen to distinguish between your comments about relaxing - which are practical advice, and those where people are inferring she shiould simply get on with her life and see what happens, when - as I have opined - that is a luxury she is not able to enjoy.

[LoftyLottie]

With respect Andy, my reply to Lorla was to her first posting where she gave the impression that all she could think about was getting pregnant and it was taking over her life.

[smudge]

lorla, to answer your question - my daughter tells me that she had blood tests & daily scans for two weeks, to track any eggs produced.

She produced one very small egg, which wouldn't have been viable, so was asked to use protection for that cycle.

She was then given the Clomid drug, which helped conceive her first daughter, then when they were ready for another child, she was given Tomoxifen which helped with the second daughter.

Hope that info helps.

[trt]

lorla,

My daughter had been trying for three years and felt the same as you.

She is due to give birth in early May and shes 38.

[Canary42]

Perhaps Answerbank should be renamed Squabblebank.

[stompe]

Could try Stockings and a Basque {:)

[DEN53]

Canary - never a truer word said. haha

I never fell pregnant with my son until I was 35 - never used any protection, but just didn't get pregnant. Then I stopped focusing on it - gave my notice in and got myself a new job - found out I was pregnant the same week, and had to withdraw my notice.

[LoftyLottie]

I actually didn't have to have any tests Smudge. I was 35 and we had been trying for only a short while. I had endometriosis. Saw the specialist and he just prescribed Clomid!! Probably due to my age and the fact that I had had a pregnancey 6 years before that I miscarried. (That wasn't a planned pregnancy - it was a result of a drunken holiday in Greece!)

[andy-hughes]

Canary42 - if you mean LoftyLottie and I - we are certainly not squabbling!

The limits of this format mean that - as in this case - I referred to a post to which I believe Lottie was replying, I was in fact not correct in that assumption, Lottie has pointed out my error, and i stand corrected.

That's how most of us get around these inveitable misunderstandings.

[woofgang]

The question asked was "what have I got" My answer wrought from hard experience was "the rest of your life" I am sorry if that answer is unpalatable, as i said it wasn't intended to be offensive....what I said to the "when are you going to be pregnant" enquiries was "mind your own damn business" or polite or less polite variants thereof.

[andy-hughes]

stompe - if you have nothing useful to contribute, it's nice outside, go out and play.

[lorla]

Thanks tigwig - I appreciate what you're saying and have heard it so many times before, I'm just a bit stumped about how to do it. We have booked a hol for May and can't wait - initially we put off booking it because i often thought 'well I could be pregnant by then' but threw caution to the wind last year and thought sod it, just book it! We're both active socially and I do yoga, my husband plays football, I wouldn't want to give the impression that we sit at home all day feeling sorry for ourselves. It's not all consuming by any means, I was just having a negative morning and was looking for some support.

Tamborine - I'll get knitting then!

[LoftyLottie]

Correct Andy!! Not a squabble at all. Just a normal conversation where there has been a misunderstanding.

Woofy and Lorla. I think it is dreadful that people question those that have no children about when they intend to have them. I have one son and got so peeved off with people who asked when I was going to have another baby. Simply nothing to do with anybody else.

[anneasquith]

i would never presume to give you advice only you and your oh, know how much this is affecting your life. i believe you will get your " positive thinking " back. some good advice has been given here, good luck.