Giving up all hope :(

[lorla]

Hubbie and I have now been trying for a baby for 20 months with no success. We have both been 'tested' and there is nothing wrong with either so it's very odd. I have managed to remain positive for the most part but really feel like I can't go on for much longer, my patience is wearing thin and I feel like giving up. My dilema is this - I am a firm believer in positive thinking, it's what's got me through this horrible ordeal but after month and months of disappointing I have realised that actually the worst part is feeling so positive is that I manage to convince myself every single month that we have done it, that I'm pregnant....and then when I'm not, the come down is horrific and I fall to pieces. I feel now that if I didn't feel so positive each month, I wouldn't feel so awful when it's yet another 'no'. I feel lost, if I haven't got my positive thinking, what have I got?

[Bobbisox]

hey, we all have them lorla, don't beat yourself up over this
it will happen for you love, no worries

[woofgang]

"With respect Andy, my reply to Lorla was to her first posting where she gave the impression that all she could think about was getting pregnant and it was taking over her life." LoftyLottie


me too.....do I get an apology as well? :-)

[andy-hughes]

I know what you mean Lottie - as regulars on here will know, when my wife and I married, she had two daughters from her first marriage, and i go t seriously sick of people asking "When are you going to have one of your own/"

OF MY OWN????

What do you think our daughters are - house guests!!!!!!!!!!

People just don't think do they!

[andy-hughes]

If you feel I owe you one woofgang, then please accept my apologies.

[annie0000]

What tests have you had lorla?

[woofgang]

:-) andy

[andy-hughes]

LOL woof!!!

[rowanwitch]

Lorla....If there is nothing wrong with either of you...then it is just that....odd...sometimes it just takes ages...or sor some it never happens just don't keep calender watching....in fact I'd say get rid of every calender and diary apart from one for appointments and keep that one out of sight....get rid of thermometers, temp charts or ovulation kits and do things for fun..... but to be honest 20 months seems like ages but isn't that long .... oh and if you want a little bit of folk magic and you have a garden plant some berry bushes and or trees for the birds....and really nurture them....old and strange superstition....give to nature and she may give back
to you....absolutely no foundation in science.....can't hurt....might help

[smudge]

Hope my reply to your question helped lorla?

[tiggerblue10]

I've heard that acupuncture sometimes help although I don't know if this has been proved. It could be helpful for relieving stress and anxiety that may cause problems when trying to conceive.

[smudge]

Our youngest daughter had no problems conceiving & had her first child (a girl) at 21.

It was so annoying when peole used to ask our eldest daughter, who incidentally had a fantastic career, "when are you going to start a family then?". She wasn't ready until she was in her 30's, but then had a little trouble conceiving.

You are sooo right Lottie - it's no one else's business! ;o/

[guilliebrougues]

you could try hypnotherapy. it has been tried and tested and it does work. the only thing is you need a good hypnotherapist and if he is worth his salt, will interview both you and your husband, before therapy. . my husband is a retired hypnotherapist and has been successful in this area many times, but, we may not be in your area.

[guilliebrougues]

hi lorla did you get my answer. ?

[coccinelle]

This was a piece of advice from a gynaecologist I used to see; have a smear test, they seem to do the trick!!!

[boxtops]

lorla, I've been where you are, and it's horrid - but you have to be trying for two years before medical intervention could be considered. It can happen though - when you are least expecting it to! - but it wasn't to be for me, and in the end it wasn't so hard to accept that we were not destined to have a child. Not everyone can, and we compensate in other ways. I hope it works for you, bu 20 months really is not that long in the scheme of things. I know it feels like it ♥

[lorla]

Thanks Smudge, yes it did help. Perhaps this is something that we'll try after the 2 year mark?

In terms of what tests we've had, hubbie had his sperm checked, I had hormones checked, I then had a lap & dye done and it was found all was fine, my ovaries are healthy, my tubes are not blocked and there is no scarring or anything else that would cause a problem - I often focus on that, it gives me hope :)

Yes guilliebrougues I hadn't thought of hypnotherapy but would be open to it. I am currently trying accupuncture, have tried reflexology and do yoga now too.

Hubbie and I spoke yesterday and seems we may indeed give up for a while, it's exhausting. I can't keep falling apart each month. We have a hol to plan, my sisters engagement party next month, her wedding next year, two other weddings this year(one of which hubbie is best man) and some home improvements to do......so plenty to keep us occupied!

[anneasquith]

lorla. thats a good idea for you and hubby, enjoy the spring and summer, enjoy all you social engagements, and a bit of DIY. keep healthy and best wishes.

[sherrardk]

We must have been trying for our first child for two - three years. I had my first son at 31 and we now have five children (had no trouble conceiving on any of the other four). Hope things work out for you, x.

[mazie]

Hi Lorla. I had a problem with conceiving and went for all sorts of test. I was eventually reccommended to a great gynecologist. He looked at all the tests I'd had done and did a few more. It turned out I had raised levels of prolactin which were causing the problem. I can't remember the tablets he put me on but I now have 2 children and 3 lovely grandchildren. It might be worth taking a look....But as the others have said please dont get stressed about it. I know how you feel each month and it's really an awful place to be.

[RATTER15]

I suggest you give up all hope for real, maybe then you will settle down, relax and then get preggies :-)

I have a friend who gave up all hope after 13 years, she adopted a little girl, by the end of that month she was pregnant!