Here Is A Poem I Wrote, Do You Like It?

[inamuddle1]

Neutron particals of lilac light person,
Scandalous energy,
Enchanted city,
engraved and critical kaleidoscope salvation
for a revolution of rhymes and medleys of discrimination.
Gravity,
proof
chamber of chaos
Orchestra orb
oracle origin.
A children's story and a day in the life.
A dream,
A forest,
a thousand nights.
Addictive acknowledgement with presence of mind,
a gift of natures navigators
Afternoon coffee bugs
Air locked ceremony of the sun.
Jade jewel of shimmering realm melodies
celebration,
sway,
crack open a bottle
de-javu,
Indian indigo summer.
The root of light,
sun, star, moon, initiate.
Fresh fruit distribution.
The future light of Neutron particals of lilac light,
The future calls the dawn.
Galaxy to Galaxy,
flying saucers sorcerer,
with a joystick for navigation,
bringing us back to decriminalisation.
Self modification with no complication,
Drop me of at NASA Station.

[doctordb]

No I don't. After re-reading I still get nothing from it. It seems to me to be just a collection of sentences that have no overall meaning or depth. But what I think is irrelevant. Obviously this is related to your earlier question and it's up to you where you go as a poet.

[Stargazer]

Are you "on" anything?

[Tilly2]

Does it have a title?

[Tilly2]

I like the phrase 'particles of lilac light'

[EcclesCake]

It doesn't do anything for me.

Is this a typical example of your style?

[boxtops]

There are some lovely little groups of words in there, but I have no idea at all what it's about - the theme is completely absent to me.

[Noth43]

I suppose it would be terribly rude to ask the author to walk us through it...

[doctordb]

Inamuddle, Some like bukowski and some don't.

[mrs.chappie]

It's a bit too complicated for me.

[Maydup]

I too found it incomprehensible. What for example does his sentence mean?
(Assuming a full-stop indicates the end of a sentence in the traditional manner)

Addictive acknowledgement with presence of mind,
a gift of natures navigators
Afternoon coffee bugs
Air locked ceremony of the sun.

[shoota]

I wouldn't spend my pocket money on it I'm afraid.

[inamuddle1]

no this is not my style, and i do like it, because how i made this was from reading a dream book. Taking sentences from the book, and putting them all together and came up with this. I will post a classic example of my poetry. I'm sorry you all dont like it. It's a mish mash, this is why i like it.

[tonyav]

LOL thats more like it.

[DTCwordfan]

Now this might sound arrogant, but I could rewrite this and get a stronger thread of your journey to work, I am presuming as an astronaut and not a controller in Houston.

I'm not going to as (i) its yours (ii) you could have a go and see if you can tighten it up and remove the affective (fallicies?) and (iii) I have a snorter of a cold and not feeling up to it tonight.

[doctordb]

Then it's not a poem. Your second entry isn't any good either. Sorry.

[DTCwordfan]

your version, tony would include,

"She is half woman and half goat,
She can even give me orgasms by deep ......"

[Prudie]

That reminds me of a filthy song I used to know about 2 brass balls were filled with cream...
Anyway, sorry the first one reminds me of modern art, a con.

[TWR]

Count the Minutes Inamuddle, keep looking if you post is still here!!

[Mamyalynne]

Does the second one have batteries included...


Sorry.