Love online

[Teddy_boy]

I have joined many online sites to find a partner. But personally i find that at 51 years old and after a divorce a few years back , its very diffficult to form a lasting relationship. Many of the women i have met are so busy in their own working life that they are only looking for casual encounters. Call me old fashioned but i set out looking for love and as of yet after 6 months im no nearer. Yes i have been intimate with women.And found it very enjoyable. But im starting to think that either the women dont want to commit and then change their current lifestyle , or perhaps im only good enough for some casual meeting and im not worthy of a commitment from them. Im starting to feel cheap.When im alone i cry , and i know man shouldnt do this, but i feel like my life is empty.I have nothing and im just living day to day.Its like life is passing me by.I feel unwanted and surplus.People i work with think im a happy jolly guy , but really im very sad.Sometimes i go to bed and think that if i never wakened then noone would even know.Or care. When all i really want is a nice woman to spend my time with and grow old with.But i just cant find them.Am i just undesireable ?

[ponjee]

:,( i dnt think your undesirable. i just think that you havnt found the one yet, so just keep looking. hang in there sir.
men shouldnt cry?? i think its sweet when they cry, it shows that they arent just some wanabe tough guy.

[Mamyalynne]

Oh Teddy, do not think that way, have no experience or desire to use the online dating sites, but every one feels lonely sometimes and tears are an outlet whether you are male or female.
I am a widow of two and a half years and even the thought of someone hugging me fills me with guilt as I had a blissful marriage, I have no idea about divorcees and if guilt comes into it.
If you have any interests then join clubs or associations and meet like minded people and extend your circle of friends and in that way you may meet someone.

But I doubt you are undesirable, you sound very sensitive to me, take care.

mamya

[Huderon]

Don't forget that a woman who is single in that age group (well in any age group really) may simply not be interested in settling down. A couple of my friends are happy being single and don't want a man in their lives full time, partly because they enjoy being single, partly because they are used to being alone and partly because they feel that a full time partner would be more of a hindrance than a help.

Stop looking for romance and, as mamyalynne said, widen your circle of friends and with time and patience you may well find the romance in the end.

[sara3]

I'm not sure what you mean by "change their current lifestyle". what are you expecting from a potential partner?
anyway, I'm 45 and single and would like a committed relationship, so don't assume everyone is the same. free dating sites are worse than paying sites.
but mamya is quite right. forget about it, get out there and meet people as friends, and just see what happens.

[rowanwitch]

I have friends in their forties who are desperate to find a man who wants a loving committed relationship I think you are looking in the wrong places.... the old idea of evening classes is still a good one languages attract a pretty even mix of people and what have you got to lose.....apart from the course fee that is...The other thing is do you have too clear an image in your mind of the person you want to meet if she has to be slim and attractive...you are limiting your options as a lot of women in the age range you would most likely be looking at are size 16 or more

Don't give up good luck.....

[sara3]

I'm a size 10, btw!

[bednobs]

sara, perhaps you could give teddy boy your number?

[sara3]

lol.. I'm still unsure about the "lifestyle changes" he's expecting ;o)

[rowanwitch]

perhaps he's looking for a woman who will be an old fashioned (joeluke) sort of partner....I hope not

[arwyn]

Teddy_boy, I'v been where you are now and my advice is to stop looking for someone for a while and to do a few things first----- take a good look at yourself, is there anything that you could improve? i.e weight, hair style, cloths etc.--------What went wrong in your marrage? is there anything you could learn from for future relationships?. Are you happy with your job? is your home life in order ie clean, garden tidy,.... I know it all sounds really daft, but its all part of getting yourself in the right frame of mind and also taking your mind off being lonely which all helps to make you a happier person and happier people are more attractive than sad ones.. Then join clubs i.e walking clubs, gyms, night classes, and start to go out with any single mates you have of your age group.. I was once told that saturday nights were the best to go to pubs because saturday nights are for couples, so most (NOT ALL) the woman that are out without men are not part of a couple.. Good luck, she is out there somewhere so get yourself ready NOW

[redman41]

Do not just rely on Internet Dating sites Teddy-boy as there are several ways of meeting Women who are also looking for a long term Partner.
Get involved in local activities such as Dance Classes, Art/Photographic Groups or anything else of interest to you.
Find out if there are any 'Singles' Clubs near you which meet up on a weekly basis.
Make friends with the opposite sex initially as most will want Friendship first whilst getting to know you.
I was on the Committee of a Singles Club many Years ago and often saw how disillusioned some people got as they joined with the sole idea of finding a Marriage Partner at all costs without first of all making friends with other members initially.
There is someone out there for everyone, just be sensible and don't be too pushy.
Make some new Friends and hope something good develops from that !

[murraymints]

speak to Sqad !!!! our resident Lothario !!!

[Sqad]

Depending upon the Dating Agency.........the participants mainly fall into the following groups.

1) Men who want either one night stands or a purely sexual relationship.
2) Females who want either a one night stand or a purely sexual relationship.

The above will form the bulk of relationships.

3) Widows or divorcees.....looking for a husband or partner in which case you must ask yourself "why are they divorced, what is wrong with them?" or in the case of a widower, is there much "baggage" coming with them...i.e kids, grandchildren ect.

4) Widowers or divorcees............ looking for a wife and the same description applies as above.

Yes...one can find a "mate" for life on Dating Sites....but the odds are against you.

[murraymints]

See told you Sqad would know....he knows......EVERYTHING......sigh.....

[Sqad]

murray.....LOL.....slip me into group 1 eh!

[rowanwitch]

And be alert to those odd little curve balls life throws your way....it might be something completely unexpected that brings you together....friend met her partner in Asda when he asked her how to cook fresh tuna

[murraymints]

where's my passport ?......

[Sqad]

rowan....LOL

It is, to men, a well known fact...Asda, Sainsbury´s, Morrisson´s are well know sites for picking up...."partners"

Little boy lost look and "hello, I often see you here, could I have your advice on......"

[murraymints]

That was you by the artichokes !!!!!!!!