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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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advice4moll
I'll go first. When I was 12, me and my friends thought it would be funny to make up a satirical religion. While drawing out a look for the "god" of the religion, we came up with the name... ...
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dustypuss
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Long Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was... ...
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ToraToraTora
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cnkkp7eejyqo ....your cattle puns please. ...
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Rondy
NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to all the aliens.
They are calling it 'Apollo G' ___ I came so close to winning the lottery jackpot on Saturday.
My next door neighbour won it. ___ I failed... ...
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fourteen85
Years ago A young woman was walking down Tib Street in Manchester looking though the windows of all the petshops. A little hand written notice caught her eye, it simply said ' Cl****is licking... ...
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Rondy
My mate is an opera singer and it’s his birthday soon.
But, what can you get for a tenor these days? ___ Here's a thought, Why don't we replace Border Force
with a GP Receptionist
& then lets see who... ...
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Rondy
How long was I at the laryngitis clinic?
About three hours, roughly speaking. ___ Got a call from my GP today saying I've tested positive for Monkeypox and could I swing by the surgery. ___ Chatting... ...
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Rondy
My wife and i often laugh about how competitive we are
I laugh louder though. ___ Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging... ...
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Chipchopper
Anybody wanting advice on cannabis, please press the# key
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Chipchopper
I went down to the library the other day, and I asked the lady behind the desk, "have you got any books on self-help?" She just looked at me over the top of her glasses and said, "well I could do,... ...
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Chipchopper
I was in a burger joint enjoying my meal, when suddenly out of the blue, some maniac strolled in and squirted tomato ketchup in my eyes. With the benefit of heinzite, I would have sat somewhere else๐Ÿ™„
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Rondy
I asked my grandma how she was enjoying her new stair lift. she said it was driving her up the wall. ___ I'm playing cricket against my local fish & chip shop later. Their fielders and bowlers... ...
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Spicerack
with a tractor salesman. Sent me a John Deere letter this morning. ๐Ÿ˜ 
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maggiebee
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When... ...
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Rondy
Just pipped in the pub quiz again tonight.

Apparently Joan of Arc was not Noah's wife.
___

We was so poor as kids my mum used to buy our clothes out of the army and navy store.

Wasn't so funny going... ...
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Rondy
Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking.
Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him... ...
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Rondy
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,... ...
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Rondy
Just bought a humpty dumpty toy from Aldi.
It's brilliant, it comes with Aldi Kings horses and Aldi Kings men. ___ Managed to get hold of a box of counterfeit Mr Kipling Apple tarts.
They're... ...
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William51
 Why are crabs so bad at sharing?.   Because they are always shellfish.                                                                                            When does a joke become a dad... ...
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Rondy
When I was younger, I said to my dad: "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?"
"Sure son, you go ahead".
So I sold it! ___ A guy lives with his wife in the same little town where they both... ...

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