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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest: “Forgive me father for I have sinned”. “What have you done?” asked the priest. “A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there... ...
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Patsy33
Sadly I had to quit my job at the cat shelter, they reduced meowers.
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Rondy
I was rather flattered when my wife said I should have a go at modelling.
Then she gave me an Airfix kit and a tube of glue. ___ I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"
I... ...
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1ozzy
...Turtles don't fly https://ibb.co/SfMsXTX   ...
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Rondy
Yesterday I received a friendship request from a young attractive girl. ..about 20 to 25 years old...
I was curious.
I wanted to know why someone that young wanted to be my fb friend.
So I accepted... ...
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Rondy
This letter was sent to the Toxteth High School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for pensioners. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle... ...
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1ozzy
,, should be a cruciverbalist. https://ibb.co/wB6Jwc9 ...
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Chipchopper
A lorry shed its load of vickes nasal spray on the motorway. Police reported the congestion is now clearing
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jaffa19471
A family died from hyperthermia outside a cinema in December, waiting to see closed for Christmas.
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Rondy
I wasn't planning on going for a run today.
But the Police came out of nowhere. ___ My great uncle drowned so at his funeral we had a wreath made for him in the shape of a lifebelt....well, it's what... ...
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Rondy
I've just walked out of our One stop shop and there was a very short bloke wearing a Fez shouting, '" Just like that " as he got into his car..
I think it was a Mini Cooper! ___ My fiancé left me... ...
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ToraToraTora
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cnkkp7eejyqo ....your cattle puns please. ...
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advice4moll
I'll go first. When I was 12, me and my friends thought it would be funny to make up a satirical religion. While drawing out a look for the "god" of the religion, we came up with the name... ...
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dustypuss
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Long Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was... ...
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Rondy
NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to all the aliens.
They are calling it 'Apollo G' ___ I came so close to winning the lottery jackpot on Saturday.
My next door neighbour won it. ___ I failed... ...
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fourteen85
Years ago A young woman was walking down Tib Street in Manchester looking though the windows of all the petshops. A little hand written notice caught her eye, it simply said ' Cl****is licking... ...
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Rondy
My mate is an opera singer and it’s his birthday soon.
But, what can you get for a tenor these days? ___ Here's a thought, Why don't we replace Border Force
with a GP Receptionist
& then lets see who... ...
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Rondy
How long was I at the laryngitis clinic?
About three hours, roughly speaking. ___ Got a call from my GP today saying I've tested positive for Monkeypox and could I swing by the surgery. ___ Chatting... ...
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Chipchopper
Anybody wanting advice on cannabis, please press the# key
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Chipchopper
I went down to the library the other day, and I asked the lady behind the desk, "have you got any books on self-help?" She just looked at me over the top of her glasses and said, "well I could do,... ...

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