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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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dustypuss
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Long Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was... ...
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advice4moll
I'll go first. When I was 12, me and my friends thought it would be funny to make up a satirical religion. While drawing out a look for the "god" of the religion, we came up with the name... ...
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Rondy
NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to all the aliens.
They are calling it 'Apollo G' ___ I came so close to winning the lottery jackpot on Saturday.
My next door neighbour won it. ___ I failed... ...
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Chipchopper
When the missus saw me getting my golfing gear ready, she said, "Not golf again? You played all day yesterday" I said yeah, but we are doing the second hole today!
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ToraToraTora
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cnkkp7eejyqo ....your cattle puns please. ...
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Chipchopper
I just took a peek out of the kitchen window, and I saw a magpie prancing around on the lawn with a large chip, lengthways in it beak. I thought to myself, toucan play at this game!
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Rondy
Paddy and a monkey are shot into space both with envelopes to open with instructions inside.
The monkey opens his envelope first,
It says: Micky check all seals on hatches, make sure the oxygen... ...
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Rondy
My mate is an opera singer and it’s his birthday soon.
But, what can you get for a tenor these days? ___ Here's a thought, Why don't we replace Border Force
with a GP Receptionist
& then lets see who... ...
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fourteen85
Years ago A young woman was walking down Tib Street in Manchester looking though the windows of all the petshops. A little hand written notice caught her eye, it simply said ' Cl****is licking... ...
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maggiebee
Dear Employees: It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues. Due to complaints... ...
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Rondy
A flying saucer landed at a petrol station on a lonely country road.
The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" emblazoned in big, bold... ...
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Rondy
How long was I at the laryngitis clinic?
About three hours, roughly speaking. ___ Got a call from my GP today saying I've tested positive for Monkeypox and could I swing by the surgery. ___ Chatting... ...
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Rondy
I used to date a girl with a wooden leg, But I had to Break it off. ___ I can only sleep on stacks of old magazines.
I've got back issues. ___ Just received an email on how to read maps backwards.Its... ...
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Rondy
I was in the supermarket yesterday and as I was leaving, spotted a rather handsome looking assistant. "Do you carry shopping to a customers car free of charge?" I asked him. "Yes, madam" he replied... ...
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Chipchopper
A man made an appointment with his doctor after he kept seeing cream cakes floating about in the corners of his eyes. Dr said not to worry its just your profiterole vision.
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Chipchopper
Anybody wanting advice on cannabis, please press the# key
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Chipchopper
I went down to the library the other day, and I asked the lady behind the desk, "have you got any books on self-help?" She just looked at me over the top of her glasses and said, "well I could do,... ...
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Rondy
An office employee knowing his boss was off for the day transferred the office telephone to his own mobile phone and took it with him to play golf.
The boss called and asked how everything was... ...
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Chipchopper
I was in a burger joint enjoying my meal, when suddenly out of the blue, some maniac strolled in and squirted tomato ketchup in my eyes. With the benefit of heinzite, I would have sat somewhere else🙄
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Rondy
My wife and i often laugh about how competitive we are
I laugh louder though. ___ Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging... ...

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